Friday, October 4, 2013

The design of my life

I dream of design
simple and easy
different and exotic 
like how mangoes are in the streets of Khartoum
yellow with wisdom
smelling sexy and wild
I wish there be hope
the one inside me 
the one within my soul and heart
to make things right 
to say the right things
that never upset anyone 
but always make them feel well
for I feel like i make people feel ill
because my mind is wrong
and my heart is not strong
and the way my art is
is confusing
and my true shape
is unknown
and the graphs of soul
are hidden
I wonder if a clock made with picture frames
all different shapes and sizes and colours and
 wonderful pictures
of  M & A
of Family
of children
of smiles
of flowers
of Sudan..the sunset and sunrise over a broken down river Nile
old with destruction
new with hope
that has just moved into it
would be one way to be colourful
and intricate with new beginnings 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -