Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I was so happy xxx

CATHARSIS - the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.

Letting my hair down
and looking out at the mid afternoon sudanese rubble
its a Wednesday late afternoon -  normal
i make yogurt salad and realise i am fighting a battle

to be happier
more importantly to believe I am happier
more more importantly to live every second of my life
being happier

for i realised
today that
I am a very selfish person
and in no way do i delve into the surreal beautiful portrait that is my life
I enjoy my life
and i love who i am
i love my hair
and my eyes

I love my taste of music
my taste of fashion
and my body

today ive decided no more being held hostage by myself
I have fallen in love with my life
I am adidcted
to my life

and i will be happy as long as i can
i will be happy using my own eyes and tranquility
diffused into my heart
my own mind
im responsible for that

no more
no more

anger catharsis
no more sensitivity
catharasis towards the known and the unknown


Sunday, February 8, 2015

Luck fate? Or allahs decree

I wonder
Like the way i think about things and do things is it correct
Easily swayed between the right and wrong
But i am never wrong in the fields of honesty
But what is the distinction between a silly act and evil
I didnt mean to
I cant remember
I am sorry
I am here to do good
And thus allah does good for me
Good that i would never dream of
And be of
If it wasnt for his kindness
His love
His looking after me
And so
When i dont look after myself
That is evil 
That is true wrong
That is real wicked

Friday, February 6, 2015

Chocolate cake insside me

Chocolate cake
Coming from a bad thought
To be a great night
Wishing upon massive dreams
Wondering and hoping for the best
Imagining the best futur
With an amazing family 

Am scared

From life 
From that future
From myself
From that terrible soul
That wont let me
From pain
From worrying about others when i have more to worry about
From too much excitement 
From dissapointment 
From hatred 

... From not praying alsubuh on time 

From being ...
A divine chocolate cake
And not giving any away

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -