Wednesday, July 22, 2015

My motto-

use everything uve got
That includes time health wealth youth mind sanity kindness food things pens wii. Magazines things in magaZines tasberh counter also used as step counter stairs like a gym strength dreams use dreams use it all

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Chandermuki and Parvati

Fall in love and fall in love again
Forgive and forgive again
Until your heart is clean and filled with fresh jasmine
Dont know your limits
Know your rights
Your rights to a life u want
To A dream u need
To A hope u wish for 

Dance your problems away
Without chandermuki 
But dance like her
Wear glitter in your mind
And dont get sick from things that should only give u health
Faith is here
Sit in places u didnt
Be things u werent
But be things u were
Like kind
And strong and motivated
Be young
Be troubled with the future 
But dont be troubled by it
Dont make that mistake
Hating anything

A month on

Itsbeen a month
Been a while
But just a few seconds since i came
Renew that flick
Renew that spark
Break those fears
And make ur mark
He makes u happy but you... Dont
You know whats wrong
And this side of the year is already on the lesser
Dont waste time as ur horoscope always says
Pick up and with speed
Justlike u did all thise beautiful things
Do this
Dont be sleepy
Wake up
Feel everyday
Love everyday
Know things
And change
Today is a new day
People are back
Life is back
I mean life is here
Life is fresh new and all those ramadan days u wished a day like today would be here is here
So breathe 
And be new

Sunday, July 19, 2015

No weetabix

Whats wrong with u ?! 
The fact u can have tea in the morning and biscuits and enjoy the clove infusion watching sabah alkheir is a miracle
Some peopledont have tea amd biscuits and live outside in the sun
Some are aick and have to worry constantly about their sickness
Some dont have a hand to hold the cup ur holding

Dont like tea and biscuits

Cant enjoy life because they dont have a life

But as for u
Every part of it is enjoyable
Stop making urself feel bad
Tommorow u will give him weetabix
Or even a lush breakfast
U didnt it doesnt mean u love him any less

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Whats going on

Could it be... All your devils are back? So all those nightsand all those prYers just lasted for a day?
Whats going on
Whyare u so proud 
Close ur eyes and imagine what the conversation would go like....
You cant
Because other people will always be other people
And you cannot think for them
Haram what ur doing
Shes older than u kinder than u and u kno what
Wiser than u 
U really are a fool thatis what upset u 
Everything she says annoys u because deep down ur afraid ur being her
Going to the door of the room is exercise
Is t it the same mentality
Too kind
I think deep down ur afraid of becoming her
That frightens u 
Saddens u 
Scares u 
And so u attack
What are ur opinions
But a small dot in the world
Never mind how small they are in her world
And no matter how much u try they  always be small
But the repercussions are huggge
Like ur ...
Its nit all confidence
Break itdow. And like the leg of lamb lyig there for a year you will find at the botttom
Under all those layers all that ice you have inside u 
Is fear

And fear is controlling
Us maddening
Is wild
Is untaming if u let it
And u cannot be both
That woman u imagine
And that girl u are right now

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Ramadan day 28- those pains...

I know

I cant get away from them
This time i have to accept them
Have to let them sink me
For i havnt been light
I havnt been light to my body nor kind
Nor happy
And so in return it hasntbeen nice to me
Like powercuts
It cutsitsmagic from meandjust barely 
Ya allah samihni
For everything i have done to my body
How far i have driven it offshore
Andhow long i have neglected
I have been mubazira
I havebeen ananiya
I havebeen u grateful
Ya allah
Forgive me

For i have heaviness everywhere
But after this ramadan
Things have to get better
This time my worries must get lighter
But i must work harder
And make allah proud 
Things must change
For i am sinking
Like fadil

Care for your body and it will support your dreams

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Ramadan day 22- very very hurt

الليلة مسحني من حياتو بي طريقة ما
اتاكد انو ما اكون جواها و انو ما اكون 
ما انا واحدة كنت من متابعينو من مشجعينو من احبابه بس 
هو قره انا ما  اكون معاهو

الليلة صباح جديد امتحان و امتحان اكبر فها انا ادمع في السر ولو العين لا تخفي العلم وتكسفني  علننا و الماء تدفق شوية والجرح الجديد انذف
فانا جرحي كبير الليلة
فهو مسحني
عشان ما اشوف عشان اعما عشان الحرية 
فانا الله اعلم متي حبي اخلاصي و احترامي وايضامدي خوفي و مدي اهتماماي
ولكن حاجة كبيرة 
فانا في هذا الشهر الفضيل تعلمت الكثير عني 
ولكن ... هل انا ظالمة ولا مظلومة ؟؟؟ فهذا السوال جديد و عالمهو كبير و ظالم 

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Ramadan day 21- all my cards are down

يا الله لا تجعلني خسرانة من هذا الدنيا 
All my playing cards are down 
For i like chocolate and good food
And travrl but too deep to put myself for a family
All my cards are down
I am just words
I am just broken size
Travelling pain
And then out ofcthe blue
Someone speaks my anguish into the open air
Someone younger than u has become someone better than u
Even planning to enter ur world
And someone smaller than you
Has had ur wish come true
Even though
Its all urs and u always thought urself the stronger one
Dishing about your wealth health and
Everything else
And now 
Someone pointed out to u how weak ur are
All ur weak points
All ur bolts open
All ur pain gushing
Like too much choc cake 
No matter how much laugter
Fun or mango
There is a scream
Or i could also write
God has never let me down
Always been on my side
Always been there for me
Always givene the best
Even though i have not deserved it
I have beenpatient i have been kind
I have been honest
And i will alwaysbe
Even if things take time
Even if things are hard
God will not let me down
In these blessed days
I will not lose hope
I will not fall to someone elses words
I will not pretend it doesnt hurt sometimes
But i will not succumb to that hurt and fall even deeper
I  better i am stronger
I am a good woman and one day i will be a great mother
And i know allh will not fail me

Ya rab

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Ramadan day 18- تعالو دفوني

ولا تخوليني احتار 
ودموعي تنهار وصت الناس ولكنهم لا يشوفون المي و
لا يعرفون همي
بس انا محتاجة ليكم تجوني
ولا تنسوني
فانت لا تعرفون مدي احتياجي لكم
زي ما انتو حتحتاجو لي
لا تنسوني فانا هنا مستنياكم في اقرب وقت تعالو دفوني
حتا في الصيف دفوني
حتا في الحر دفوني
واما في البرد انتو البتشيلو عني الرجفة والحذن في القلب
يا الله تعالو دفوني 

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -