Thursday, February 11, 2016

Life after Sanaa 8

Hello dear
And goodbye
I wish u well and i wish u my dreams
I wish u my hopes and inside you i wish u my love and my tears
I wish u my goodness and my health
I wish u my adventures and my stories 
I wish u my heartbeats and my positives 
I wish u my strengths and my smiles
I wish u everything well
But i know it can not be by just me
I know it cannot be without allah 
Is it proportional to my kindness
To my ways 
To my prayers
Of course
So all i can give u 
Is my proportions

And my promises
The real ones
It is empty without u
But i will never give up 

Monday, February 8, 2016

i wish ... not to be like her

its sad to hear about other peoples problems
i wish them no pain
and i am afraid of comparisons
but i know none can compare
but life is a mystery
i wish to be heard
i wish to be found
i wish to have
and i always ask what about others
what do they want?
and i make the wrong predictions and think
probably not
but then i hear
probably yes
i wish i was a better person
i hope things are better
i hope my body is strong
i hope it forgives me for all ive done
and that it prepares for life as if its a cleanse
i hope allah helps me and protects me
i hope he heals me
and i hope everything comes true
ya rab make everything come true
for me and for others who want
but ya allah help me
and  please let it all come true
ya rab
ya rab

as for others
the fragrance
the perfume
the beautiful smell
i wish luck
i wish and pray  that she is not suffering
and i wish that becomes in a happier world
i wish i come in a happier world
filled with results that are positive and days that are new and strange
and unique
ya allah
let my days be new and unique

Friday, February 5, 2016

Be positive

Dont be negative 
Be the positive u want to see
Be the patient with a smile
Let your body understand that you are not afraid or worried or angry
You have to be patient
You have to have better eyes
Otherwise
Things will fall apart
You wont know where to look
It will be a misery
And allahwont be there for u with eyes like those
Or times like thiswhere u need him and u are just faar awaay
And yu dont believe in his kindness
Remember 
Things will always happen and theyll happen to you because ur a good person and allah wants the best for u and the kindest 
And wants happy everything
So be happy
Be positive
And trust allah it will turn out that way 

Monday, January 25, 2016

Unsettling

Death is always unsettling 
Always moving
That time u lose someone near or far
Im sure
Ur heart skips a beat
U think 
Oh no 
That was the last time
And it simply hurts
U hurt for the loss
The empty space
U hurt for the sadnessthat they have to endure
The good and the bad memories 
The short and the long
U have to endure time and moments where u have to be alone
In important memories
U have to endure all the disorgznisAtion
The bad news
The tears
The everything
And then... 
Youhurt for being selfish
For all the times u were jealous
For all the time u were mean
Or all those times u were broke
U wish u tried
U wish u cared more
U wish u did things better
U wish u remembered the last time
Or the last fate
Or the last smile
Or even that last push
Theres always a last time for everything
And i just hope all my negatives are done

Always wrong

If u just shut ur mouth 
U didnt hear
اتقي شر الزول ده 
اصلا انتي اتاريك ضعيفة 
ما مرغوبة قريهة 
قايلة نفسك زول وانتي ما زول 
امشي شوفي حاجة تعمليها 
امشي شوفي زول تقنيعه 
امشي شوفي زول توريه كيف بتعملي
كل من لسانك كل من كلامك
كل من قهرك لي نفسك
عشان كد بتخلي الناس اقهروك
كل من كل شيء
عدم الاحساس
عدم التوازن 
عدم الاحساس
كل غلط
كل غلط
كل غلط
كل بطال
كل شين فيك
كل شين فيك
انت انسانة قهرة 
انت انسانة اليمة

Sunday, January 24, 2016

The suprising girl

Its so strange
This smart girl
Talented smart even flirty and yet
The black consumes her
I cant understand why
Why couldnt she be white or even grey
Why black and just making me wonder
What the hell does she look like 
Should i ask? To see her
Should i ask her why is that part of your brainnot smart like the rest of u
Or isit me
Im too open
Too stupid to realise and accept 
Herchoices
Maybe cuz she doesnt have to worry what pple think of her
It up to them to imagine
Not up her to help them
I can just guess the relief of no uses to anythinno makeup no perfume no nice headacarfs no nice clothes
No nothing
Just black
And then i wonder of he did like her
What it would be
Would it be not applicable
Or a womens all wedding
Hes too cool for that 
With too many friends
But they flirt! 
Why is she talkative and pictures herself and even a selfie!
Now thishas to stop
For The mind cannot understand
Its either black or nothing
Or no black with everything 





Tuesday, January 19, 2016

اليوم الاسود

انت لا تعلم يا حبيبي كيف انا احبك
مثل الموج البحب الهواء بيضمر الارض والحياء ليرقص مع العاصفة
ومثل ما يحب الوحوش ابناءها ولكن تسبب نزيف ابناء الاخرين
فهذا الوحش مثلي
لا يفكر في مدي جرحه لك وللاخرين 
فانا هنا اتمنا سماع صوتك ان كان خير ام شر
واتمنا رفضك او حتا اهانتك او حتا عدم مشاعرك 
سوف استحمل يوم او اثنين
سوف استحمل الا ان ترجع تحبني مرة ثانية
فانا الان افهم مدي قرهك لي
افهم مدي صبرك
فخليني انا شوية اتصبر 
وخليني انا شوية اقره كل شيء 
وخليني انا ايضا اندم 
وحتا اتراجع
وخليني اكون مثلك صارمة
و خليني اكون مثلك ما واضحة واتاخر
ولاارد ولا اهتم بي قلقي 
انا لا اهتم بي قلقي اذا انت لا تهتم 
ولا اهتم بيدمعي اذا انت با تشوفهمولا اهتم بي كلللللللللل الكلمات الكتبتها لك اذا انت لا تقراهم 
بل فقت لبني بدون سلام ....

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -