Monday, November 26, 2007

RE - defined soldier

In the freedom of captivity, you fall to the reigns of your visions and motivations. Held in a future loathed to religion and devoured by courageous modernity you are twisted in the blends of African American nativity though you are purely and full of bravery – Sudanese. Your heart calls to the deserts and the heat, molded by its warrior perseverance, it calls you to fight and you love the magical temptation of its strength, falling in its tranquility yet commanded by its need.

Yet the ice particle of the far away land connects you with a strange lifeless meaning you must enjoy. Even though the cold trembles at your emotions, your attitude is devotion towards this close freezing ground. Each step, each breath is nearer to your soul but each moment and each night throws you further into the pits of a foreign identity; this is not your home, this is not where you come from. But the resemblance it shows you to your opinions and your enjoyments are too much for you to resist, it’s too hard to quit now and become a leader or a soldier of your true deepest colors, too difficult to change now and turn into someone who worships hard work from your natural accord, much easier to follow a manufactured familiarity and suddenly the cold feels like it comes from home; you feel at home; home sweet home.

With an instant slowness there will come a day when you are too old to act the part. Internally you will be meaningless and to the outside it will always be too late to become one of them and too far back to be yourself. Most tragically, you will have lost yourself to the evolution of madness and weak knowledge of self status. Stuck in the realms of who you wanted to become and who you really are, your soul is kidnapped by the confusion, hung to a bigger picture of stereotypical betrayal.

I argue your case in my mind smashed by its superiority; I am uneducated for its complications. How do I convince you? How do I confront you? The questions judge me before I speak to my inner tears. I am a miniscule voice, a miniature meaning that can never have an effect on your intensity to live.

The other side of the story

Tired princess, coming from the ball
Her prince never showed, he let her fall
Dancing alone, she thought of his touch
But all over the dance floor, there was nothing as such
Neon lights and music fantasia
The DJ tricked her to forget his absence
Her feet hurt hung on a fake heart
She tripped into the night but he still wasn’t there to catch her
This torn princess knew she could never get ‘and they lived happily ever after’
So far away but she tried to send him her love
Maybe he would change and understand her beat
Then he’d want to be her prince, he’d want to swipe her of her feet
But back to the blaze of loneliness and electric guitar
She was empty in the crowd, she felt a dull star
Broken princess crashing from the sky
Damaged from the heartbreak comet that hit her as it jetted by
She swerved into the ball no time to recover the lie
That her prince was nowhere near, only near to goodbye
The disco ball shined on her sadness, her broken dreams flashed in the darkness
The princess was a concert of blackness
The taxi drove her home, rain on the windows, cold on her mind
Frozen thoughts on the road kept her blind
She passed the ice particles of her memories
The taxi took her along the corners of wishful extremities
The city tried to figure out the cause of her tears
As the red traffic lights stopped her borrowed carriage and awakened her fears
Midnight rhythms still echoed in her balance
Unbalanced princess fighting her deepest challenge
Twilight driveway to her fantasy
Her stolen prince on a highway leading to a different galaxy
She reaches the door to enter the open fallacy
Of cheap promises and sold out eternity
Dizzy princess on the pillow of her struggle, covered with the blanket of her despair
Her prince broke her heart beyond repair
She sleeps to the madness of her internal screaming
Closing her eyes to the other side of the story
Her prince won’t rescue her from reality’s glory
Magic doesn’t triumph and sweet kisses aren’t part of the end
Everything’s still wrong in the end

Random tragedy

A love forbidden
Its chance overridden
A speed accident of fate
All my ideas are too late

To try and convince you of something important
But am I convincing myself of all this and its wrong?
Mutated feelings and emotions dispersed to infect me?
Because I feel sick thinking of you so much

Do I believe too much?
That there is a hidden star in you
Not knowing what to do
What am I supposed to imagine
Until the memories in me die of famine
In the coast of broken down hope

I wish I could change to maybe change you
But dreaming is the virus in my soul
I can't find the cure so to you I fall

Deep in the depths of a creation of a story I write on the sky,
wanting it to fly and show you the end
I want to send everything in me
But u cannot see
That I don’t want to be without you
And I try so hard to find you

But its better this way
Not having you near
It would be too hard
So I'll just say -
I like writing about broken down love

And it’s not true
That I’m in love with you

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


I thought….
Because whenever….
My heart beat like….
It felt real as if….
It turned that….
I didn’t know how to…
I failed in letting you…..
So I tried to….
But nothing worked that could…..
And I found you….
And found myself….
So far apart

Echoes in my mind - (No, u don't understand)

I wanted you to see something else in me
Please don’t underestimate me
I’m afraid how wrong this is going to turn
When all I wanted was you to know
How u made me glow
But I was told over and over… and over
My mistake was in the depths of no return
I DID a huge mistake
Calling you
Calling you in my heart
I took too much from you
When u never wanted to give

The cold marches as soldiers in my body, engaged in a era of colonial trauma. Anguished and ambushed the freezing mentality of your refusal throws me in a battlefield of pain. I hide in the corners of my cries, fighting the swarm of enemies running to attack my defeat. I try and beat, try and win but it’s a sin, for my side to win. Troops of my love fall to the reign of your sternness, dictatorship of betrayal. My war is lead in the shadows of goodbye, a name to be forgotten by you, in the history of your romance.

I try and forget you
But all I do is remember
Its one thing figuring out the truth
Let it sink in the alleyways and pipes of my soul
That to your heart I can never call
And I hear from the distance the fates against my side
I needed something that you would never give me

I needed someone that is so far from me

Sunday, November 18, 2007


If we were
In different places
With different imaginations
Other inspirations
Turns and deviations
Would it be too strange a combination?
Walking along different paths
Holding keys that open strange doors
Would love between us never soar?
Too different to communicate
Too hard to appreciate
What it is we mean
Acting in different scenes
Our ideas too bizarre to blend
Our opinions too different to send
To each other
Broken from one another
By different states of mind
Different reasons leave us find
Your pain is mundane
Inaccessible to the lover in me
My eyes are insane
They can only explain
How different you are
Our words are crazy
Twisted and lazy
Into a difference neither of us can understand
Melting letters in the sand
From a far away stranger
I write a difference that washes away
In a heart that will never say
That difference is existence
Difference is familiarity of life
But to us,
Different is abandonment
Different is discouragement
Our souls can never meet
Without emptiness beneath our feet
And trepidations to walk upon
Our difference is a weapon
Armed and ready to launch

In a different night
Where the same stars shine
I ask to look into your eyes
And see something I believe
Someone I trust
And a promise to achieve
But in the dusty glazed sky
All I see is the weak reflections of my love to you
All I feel is the broken world of my dreams
Flying high to get away from the pain
The darkness beckons to rain
A dry reason why we should be together
Drowning in the river of my thoughts
I beg your soul for an answer
To cheat me through this cranky game
But you and I are not the same
And I can't language your foreign attitude to life
So I can't translate my fantasies to you
They all jam behind my miniscule voice
And clog to be sucked up by silence
Vacuumed to be lost forever
Because we are different - Forever

Saturday, November 17, 2007


They can take tomorrow and the plans we made

They can take our future and the stories we laid

They can take dampened whispers that we will never hear

They can take the safety that left us with no fear

They can take the strength we thought we could show

They can take the places we said we would go

They can take the nights we promised to keep

They can take the sun and leave darkness creep

They can take the dreams we were meant to share

They can take the love that was in our care

They can take the risks we said we would chance

They can take the moments we said we would dance

They can take the hope that grew in our heart

They can take the beginning, they can take the start

They can take us together and leave us apart

But they can’t take the memories I once saw real
They can't take the touch I always used to feel
They can't take the image of you in my mind
They can't take the soldier that was you, so soft and kind

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Besides here

Don’t know much about your life
But I know that you are just right
Don’t know much about your world
But I know that I trust your words
We don’t know about the past
But we know this is going to last
Jumping of the edge
A solid ground below
But with you, I know my heart can glow
Never fall, just flow
In a sky that is besides here
In a place that has no fear
Taking chances
I want to start with you
Taking chances
I always fall in love with you

In a dream, I commit to magnificence
And breathe in significance
Of taking chances
But not - here


Out in the highway of betrayal
And a corner shop that sells hurt
I hear the ticking of disaster
I hear the existence of never after
I never hear what I want to hear
I can never see what I want to see
What I want to feel
I only feel pain
I only see betrayal
And I only know to dream of something-
Besides here

What you call tragedy
Is just another day to me
This time is the last time
This nightmare is not fair
You break me and as I bleed
You never say you’re sorry
The last thread has come undone
To reveal what I’ve become
A victim of poisoned love
Afraid for too long
Afraid but now it’s gone
I’m taking back
All you took from me

Besides here
My heart is a melody
That I want to sing to you
Please be the soldier that I dream of
The soldier I so dearly love
The kindness in my world
And don’t change into something that isn’t you
This music in my head
So before I can forget
I never want you to regret -
Thinking to protect me
I never want you to get
Into something that cannot be
I couldn’t live
I couldn’t live without your love
For one kiss
Well I’d give everything up
There are no words that can describe
What I feel deep inside
So I let this song say it all
Singing it on paper
Singing it forever
Before the wind blows it away
Because I cannot stay
Besides here

Monday, November 5, 2007

I don't want to know

I don’t want to know
That you’re far or away
I don’t want to know
That you’re not going to stay

I don’t want to know
When I’ll be left to cry
I don’t want to know
That one day –
You wont’ care what has happened to me in days gone by

I don’t want to know
If parting from you is news
I don’t want to know
That it’s you I will lose
I don’t want to know
Of a beautiful love and be told to let go

I don’t want to know
That I couldn’t make you happy
I don’t want to know
Your walk, as you leave me behind
I don’t want to know
How I’ll feel when you turn the key
I don’t want to know
The way your eyes will say,
You don’t want to be with me

I don’t want to know
That’s what I’ll try
Passing you -
And running swiftly by
And nothing would be the matter
Because I don’t know
And all will be fine as a distance grows

I'm falling for you

Blazing romantic heat
Rupturing volcanoes of desire
Your ways call on my needs
To increase their demand for you
Nature's strength -
I'm falling for you

Erupting treasures surround me
Opened by the key that is your voice
Weightless ground invites me -
I'm falling for you

Endless smooth ripples play at my feet
Droplets of emotion meet my lips
The rain of your paradise -
Wetting my body with deeply absorbed feelings

I'm falling for you
Heaven has been away for long
The warmth in your eyes is too valuably strong
The sweet discovery of a vast oasis -
To experience the taste of what you could give
So have mercy on me -

Take me in your arms
And let the horizons sunrise perform for me
That's wake me in the morning
And be my goodnight
Cover me from worry and be my shade of delight


You’re writing for me words in my life that run straight to my heart
A memory so strong of you is what you’ve let start
A time in such need for you is what you’ve let begin
A love so deep for you, in me is what has poured in

Why is my aching soul, needing you so
Why were my once darkened feelings, now beginning to glow?
When they should be lost and never again show
I can’t understand why you’re making me so

Why is my heart calming from you
Why are my thoughts, believing in you and goodness so new
Why are you letting me believe again, that love is true?
That I can only live if I am with you

Ever since you came I cannot stop dreaming
About you and your ways, it’s as important as breathing
I want to overstand everything you are, all that you do
I want to understand all that you are because I love you

Parts of love

It was a queue to a new journey – a new life – a new college – all new – life was changing – a new determination in the heart- a new soul to begin with – new ways it was going to be - taking a new road – a new direction.

But on the other side of the world- After all these oceans – all that land -another story surfaces- one to be told – one to be heard – a story of devotion, deception and illusions – a story of friends, lovers and enemies – – a story of truth, dishonesty and lies – a story of laughter, pain and cries

The wind blew quietly but strongly – wishing it would blow all questions and confusion away - In that night that covers skies – people are going to be entwined - with grudges, war and love - with pain, hurt and lust - with agony, joy and crime with misery, with no mercy, with discovery in time - .

But fate has its way whether agreed on or not, it cannot be changed it cannot be stopped- fate is strong and inevitable, fate is glowing and indestructible- to bring two people together whether for good or bad-to make them happy or to make them sad- to make them love or to make them hate- but in our story its golden in the sky –its called fate-

IF WE JUST PAUSE – Read the invisible lines, the words spinning in the air.
A smile, a glance and it changed my world
A smile, a glance and my whole life turned
I loved you baby, you became my way
A smile, a glance, how I needed you to stay

Return to the unspoken, now twirling so fair.

A smile, a glance and your image fell on me forever
I loved you from one smile, one glance; I can not do with another

The night twinkled and romance flew in the sky, then along came happiness as understanding stopped by, and when trust made its way to their hearts and soul, you couldn’t but have love come and conquer it all.

Magic spun and dreams spilled into path of reality. Their eyes deepened with colors from paradise that were drawing what was happening. Tenderness was seeping and fantasies coming alive were touching their feet to their heads. Threads of belonging for each other were beginning to be twisted, leaving two people in great need for something they thought never existed.

As they walked, each flower might have turned its head to look. As they talked, each word was inked to write a story book. They were a jigsaw puzzle with all pieces found, a letter and an envelope so tightly bound, an answer for a question that makes so much sense and they were the smell of a future, burning with incense.

Broken story 2

Broken story
From the knowledge of history
shattered with no glue
smashed by you

forgiving what you've done?
I'll never look you in the face
I'll never draw what you trace

Broken by your majesty
you're a king of lies
ruling with cries

I'll start again to reach the end
but I'm already there
part of no repair
in your world of despair

Broken forever
my heart will never
Erase this pain

Thrown to the curb
Blood accident swerve
The beginning of goodbye

Wherever, whatever, whenever
Surrender, murder, remember

Change your voice
I'll cradle its escape
Today this ends
An alibi of destroyed fate
that's late

Broken story
Shredded destiny of things to come
black and wicked
of things to come


Sunday, November 4, 2007

The Translator - Leila abouleila

I love how this book is written, the descriptions, story line and the charachters.
Of course what draws me some more to it is the link with Khartoum.
The leading charachter 'Sammar' comes from Khartoum and the story involves us to her love for Sudan, her descriptions of the Nile and her feeling of strangeness when she is abroad. she offers an amazing insight of how one feels when they are away from home; something that I can relate to.
Islam revolves around this book and I admire how the author makes it lovable and employs simplicity to the religion leaving me with a gratitude that I am a muslim and a hope that people may think of Islam the same way as Sammar and Rae (the main charachters) do.
I have a new beauty towards Islam after reading this book, more love for my country Sudan and a new meaning for Love.
One of the best things I could take from this book is the beautiful connection that Love can grant us. I read about love all the time, see it, hear it but it's always in the normal predicatable way to me no matter how many times it's romantic or special. But in this book I was taken aback at what true love can really mean and the lengths that it will allow people to take.
I think from now on whenever I think or dream of love I will have this book in mind.

Crying in mars

Premature drama screaming in my head
I am losing control
Tearing up my mind
I’m crashing my pride
My mistakes are too wide
I’m soaking in guilt
Breaking what was built
Dying in my thought
Incomprehensible and taut
I’m dying in my pain
I loathe my memories
I want to kill my fantasies
So illiterately wild
And sending me to madness
Where I’m gone fanatical
Trying to find answers
Trying to find reason
Begging that my life isn’t treason
Trembling that I am wet with shame
Blurting from me like inadequate fame
I seem to only gain more
I don’t want what the future has in store
Nothing is sacred within me anymore
Ugly tarnished core
I am raining with empty space
I cannot distinguish my face
I have drowned the reality of my trace
A bargain of failure
I have sold my savior
To the hell in me
To the trauma I see
Yet cannot never be repaired
Because I’m turning into wrong
And better at locking myself up
Than ever before

I need fresh air
To breathe in care
That I am too weak to ask
Such a heavy task
Although it was easy just a while back
But I smashed of the track
Can’t find my way back
Gifts I lack
Too dumb for the journey
I’m too stupid for my eternity
Leaving things fall out of meaning
I am not strong enough for determination
I am blind for sweet faith
I must find home
A place if just one thing is familiar
If maybe one thing was similar
To the pictures of my identity
But my identity is a stranger
Never further
Never scarier
So indistinguishable
So disastrous
The mess that’s become famous
Like an actor urging for claps
My body is urging for straps
So it doesn’t KEEP RUNNING into traps
I’m slipping into collapse
I’m crying in mars
So close from there but still can't reach the stars
My confusion is an explosion
And from the small earth so far away
I can see a broken light
Traveling in a lonely night
To break to me the news
That you are nearer than you think
To never waking up.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Truth from lies 2

''The Truth from lies stories are about Love that is undiscovered, strong and True, Yet hidden, hidden with fears, given with Lies and unknown.''

If I lose you now, that is lose my soul
If I lose my wings, and take this fall
A lifeless nothing I would be
If I lose you, the breath of me
If I lose you to time, a time of my senseless crime
My life would be meaningless gone with time
In the darkest shadows my heart would suffocate
My mind, my soul they all would terminate
My life without your forgiveness would be a life of sorrow
If I lose you from in front of my eyes
Eyes that would only see lies
You are my only love
If I lose you, my star above
Without you shining, blackness would kill
Through the emptiness that can never be filled
Just space left to deteriorate
Because I can't stop wondering how you and I - fate
Were left open at the gate
Where broken too late
Where everything in me would be
Shattered in me
Forgive me, the other part of me
Because I need you
Too much to say
Too much to convey
And I only pray
That you hear the teardrops of my heart.

She read the lines that ran straight to her heart, a memory of love and a discovery of it. People needing each other and asking for forgiveness. It must be wonderful. She sighed, Giving in to the navy deep sky, twinkling in the night, each star meaning something, every star tellling a story. She was so close to all of them, she could touch the dream with her hand; what it's like to fall in love.
'I wonder what this guy is asking her to forgive - I wonder will she accept him being sorry, is he true of his word?'

Are they meant to be together?
Do feelings like that last forever.

She drank her coffee and giggled,
'it's about me?' - she asked.
He pulled over a chair and sat roughly on it - 'Yeah baby if I lose you, I don't know what I would do'.

'But its the first time you ever wrote something for me'

'I know but something tells me I'll be writing a lot more for you - you make me want to write - you make me want to say I'm sorry a million times'

She sipped another sip and looked at him with her hazel eyes - her hair fell to her shoulders and she pushed it gently back -

'but you promised you would come and when you didn't my friends made a fool out of me - you can't promise and break your promise!'

'I know I know - look I'll make it up to you I promise!!! how about we get out of this stinky place and go see a movie and then have dinner.'

He was leaning closer and closer and it made her heart melt - he knew what this time needed next - as he leaned in to finally kiss her she had forgotten all that had upset her - she had forgotten it all -

They were the king and queen of love now
Holding it like their throne

Echoes in my mind - (I/me)

when you feel/know it is the wrong path
But you just can't walk/run/drive away
it's like I’m hypnotized and I can't wake/get up
I'm lost with the ticking of my madness
My mind reverts/taken by an unknown power that only advances
Somewhere deep/hidden - I scream/knock/try
But no-one/nothing hears me beg/shout/cry
Is it my inner self that I cannot find/see?
Or my soul that should make me free/be
Or is it just me - split into a million pieces
And I cannot glue/fix/repair
I desperately need something/anything to mend my wear/tear

Too late

Too late except to say goodbye
Too late to touch your face
Too late to hear you heart race
Too late for your love
Too late for your anything

Your smile, your words, your safety
Too late except in fantasy
Too late to see you by my side walk
Too late to have you with me talk
About your dreams, your wishes, your days
Too late by a whispering soul

So far away across…land…and oceans…and mountains…forever

Too late for you
Too late for me
I cry as I watch you fly
Even out of my dreams you go
Too late to tell you how I miss you so
Too late to see you turn to stay
Too late for your touch
Vanilla, cinnamon, tender & musk
Too late for beauty
Too late for your company
Too late to have you in my world
Too late to live with you
Too late to stand by you
Too late for your best thing
Too late in my life

Like a plane I missed
A train I couldn’t catch
Too late for your rainbow
Too late except for sorrow
Too late for you to understand
Even though it was so simply held between my hands

Governmental weather

The people look up to you
To melt their freezing fears
They ask for your help
Plea that you will wipe their tears
From their world blown unanchored by troubling hurricanes
Hurricanes of killing hunger, being attacked, being forgotten
But you the man of politics walk under a shield from the cruel rain- rain that if touched you might make you feel-
You are sheltered from echoing motherly cries or deadly soldiers sins that would make you grieve sorrow
Clouds of your mischievous lies grow black and blacker
Conjuring a weather that no one should take
Blocking the sun of peace, the rays of hope become distorted-

Why couldn’t you have allowed rainbows of happiness, colour our countries skies?
Why wouldn’t you let your people wake to a dawn shaded with truth, with purity?
Just why couldn’t you save your own blood and hearts, men and women who
boys and girls

You are conjuring a weather that no one should take on their Sudanese backs
But you, the man of my country’s politics, walk dry under a shield from the cruel rain- rain that if touched you might make you feel-
Rain of poverty and sickness that is falling continuously down
You are sheltered from echoing motherly cries or deadly soldiers sins that would make you grieve sorrow
You are covered by a home well capable for the winds that bring loss,destruction and dark shadows
Blocking the sun of peace, the rays of hope become distorted
But here we are living in your governmental weather
A morning of injustice, an afternoon of unkindness and a night trying to survive

Homelessness exposed

The dismal acute answer of homelessness victimizes the ones who can no longer wrestle with life defeat; embittering in a homeless lifestyle can arise from so many unperceived reasons. What drives the homeless in the end to walk in solitude and maybe despond in faith could have been born from virtually endless encounters with a myriad of obstacles that eventually become the compass to the world of homelessness.

The cold or extensive heat strikes them out as members, menial in its try, cruel and uncompassionate to the hardship peeling of their suffering skin causing their memories exposed to be painfully dry. Where they end up in the night is a question that surmises luck and invites misery; a corner, a toilet, a train, their eyes roam the world for some love to their cry. Going unnoticeable under a thin blanket covering their squalor and despair, solutions are too expensive to be warmed under their care.

Bare tragedies follow of being hungry and afraid, shelter and a family was the price they were with a tumult forced to have paid; then destruction and dilapidation became an emotionally blatant twin, care and attention swiveled into invisibility leaving them from society unruly trimmed.

Deep loss and danger volunteered to be a new best friend, as their malice experience spells homeless with an unknown end; a sauntering feeling like something is being torn out from underneath their core because trust in people and even themselves might just be gone and so is happiness that now is so inquisitively sore.

Underneath a bright street lamp but their soul and mind cannot see, the cunning sense of no belonging has made blindness soar free, from their baffling empty pockets they are imprisoned from flee, beyond tonight’s dumpster as accommodation is all for they can plea.

Disheartening damage beating to its proper rhythm, its sound evaporating loud in the sky, a homeless young life wishes from their prison they could fly, the anxiety from the cunning darkness of the days and the clear murder of the night ploy, leaves a blood with fear stiff with a preparation to a beaten fight.

Never any support; Protection has long been sold to export, pushing their simple trolley with lifetime collections, struggle has thwarted easiness, drowning under a park bench trying to find sleep layers but the combat of the situation employs them as a beggar. Derision from filth because it is their forever companion, it dirties their light, that from within their inner beauty should glow with expansion. Emptiness as camaraderie with their minds, in having no knowledge of avail for tomorrow; leaves anything, but to revolve in the galaxy with a dizzy twisting sorrow. Homelessness eating at their tender exposed meat where information except of their fears is belligerent at them like a killing treat. A unity of debacles continues to volcano and finding their home in the homeless. A crash with silence though it is the music of stress and tragedy that brusquely overpopulates their distress


I wish one chance
So I could show you all my hidden romance
But more so -if I could just tell you
That I want what’s best for you-

Be the representative of your vivid faith
Stand as a believer of what is true and right
Tackle and endure to protect and secure
Use your power and energy
Feel the want to save your community
Burn with need to help in a tragedy
Contain urge - to bring your religion to prosperity

Love and cherish your duty

I see you pray and then read his letters
The soldier of purity, the shade from all misery

You would be nectar of my soul
An honourable man deserving uncountable praise
Light of the suns rays, warmth in my days
My ruler, I would follow blindly any of your ways
Because I would love who you are and what you do
And I would see in you that you are an ambassador of your proud Lord

But wait a second you will never be near
So I just want you to have fear
From the judgement day
I wish you would remember the after- life
Take it as friendly advice
From a person who doesn’t ever want to see you get hurt
She wants your name clean from every speckle of dirt
She wants you to be safe
She craves your happiness in the eternity
She dreams it in her fantasy
That you are fine and healthy forever

Tears of a devil

A century, a quarter, a year, a day, a second – today’s moment –
Temper, pain, suffering, greed, desperation – all logically evident –

Fighting and hating,
Shooting peace of sharing and understanding,
Walking slow to protect, is over – ridden and over – taken

Giving no chance to feel,
Skin blistering, flesh peeling,
A watch that is counting what rage is stealing

Horror of blowing and shaking,
Destruction and no honey making,
Eyes blinded by light of fire,
A lens inflicted with a show to make it retire,
It breaks apart and disintegrates – burned to the stake by the flame

Leaves grow by bodies that are covered underneath,
Trees sway and children try to play,
In a time where tears of a devil are not so unlogically insane

A pearl drop for the boy, who will be gone too soon,
A good – bye whisper to the little girl that is to fly to the moon,
A shade of misery for the lady to lose blood and go into shock,
No chance not to tear for the man, who’s working hands are cut by interference of the devil,
Who’s now tearing from all this suffering, created hurt and sorrow gained from the boiling and strangling

No estimating that we’ll ever need each other,
Tears of a devil’s happiness, rejoicing that we all kill one another,
Laughing at us, till nothing can stop the tears,
Tears of a devil, while commanding us to break and shatter,
A lover’s relationship and pretend nothing is the matter

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -