Thursday, February 28, 2008

1 weeks expenditure


The Aboubakar family of Darfor Camp Food expenditure for one week: 685 CFA Francs or $1.23

Simple tragedy


No fast heart break
Every time they see each other
They know they can never be together
But that doesn’t stop them listening to reality, and fall in fantasy
Lost in each others eyes, it becomes impossible to say goodbye
Drowning in each others mysteries
Trying to heal you by some mystical methodology
Without speaking, without words
Not allowed to use voice of my heart
But I want to translate how I can't be apart
From you
They let the skies cover their pain
Before their memories are splashed by the coming rain
Of broken promises and hurtful deceit
That emptied the closeness that touched them as they meet
But something inside is too hard to defeat
Renewed by your eyes, your softness your ….. everything
I try and grasp what makes me weak before you
But I just don’t know it’s a combination of staring into you
And finding everything I need to never let go
And I can't find it in anyone except you
You leave me pursue, all that is you
And I shouldn’t know these things – that could make us nearer
Passing the borders of danger as I learn more about you
But I can't stop you
They can never be together
Forever and ever
Spilling tragedy on the roads of their lives
And he must go that way and she needs to go this way
Within loves boundaries they cannot stay
Let me find you, let me pray
That we will break this some day
And when you hold my hand it will be ok
To heartbeat back into the rhythm of you once more……………

When I first saw you I couldn’t understand anything about you – that made me question you – and I kept trying to not care about the simple things that attracted me to you but quickly those simple things became heavier and non ignorable. I wanted to know how you think and why you did everything the way you do – I wanted to talk to you and ask you – find out about you - learn you – know you – with every move you made all I could do was stare and with every thing you said all I could do was listen and suddenly all I wanted and needed to do was be with you – I forgot about all the other things and I forgot about conformity and social standards and I forgot about problems – you made everything simple – you just made me feel – that all I wanted was you – and that I had to get you – I had to make you see – what you were doing to me – but my friend, my lover – you were unreachable – I tried so many times to attract you to my infatuation with you – but you were unreachable – I tried too many times to try and get you to do what I thought was simple – love me – but it proved to be the hardest thing in the world –and even though I never told you how I felt about you – I think that – I know that it still would not have worked – instead you would have kindly tried to reject me – and that would be the most painful thing I could let be – and now you moved on – but I’m still silent about my feelings in the same place – still soaked in your trace – memories that I can't erase -

Dream Faither.. Corrupt me not, when it's Islam I've got


Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Alsudaniyeen (Sudanese band) - Track 5

One of the 6 songs in the sudanese bands album - a remake of an old sudanese song -

Find me


Love – – it dances me to change my mind about all that I am – I want to change things in me for the better – I want to become someone I can relate to so much more – love for my soul has changed me into a reason for living – if I love what I need to be then I can hate what stops me reaching my prosperity of mind-

Every time I want to stop thinking about you, it’s like a code in my heart to begin dreaming of you. Whenever I promise myself to begin a story excluding your name, all I write is one and the same – something to do with you –

I never intended to dream an African mystery, in a dark paradise in my mind so crazy in its intensity – founders of darkness erupted your sweet blackness – the softest birth of a tribal virtue – I only dream you come get me from the war of loves starvation – I only fantasize you come find me from behind the shadows of our corrupted nation – I whisper to my heart to shako Zulu so u can trip gently into the rhythm of magnification – through the grey stones and puddles of my broken desperation – to lose you yet find you amongst the tears of kidnapped youth – you are my criminal truth – investigations into a hearts addiction – I diffuse to perfuse in the emotion to adore you blindly – you comb wet desire into my roots – I am hypnotized by your majestic swirl in my life wildly – I take no notice of breathing in your soul – until I am conjugated as one with your priorities –

I – love – you

Begging all my needs to not depend on you – your touch defines the wants of my questions – you are a tranquil system into my thoughts but do nothing but configure my mind into madness – craziness – how do I bless you with my desire / how do I change you into you – all I want is you – but this is not you – yet all I feel is your internal beauty shining upon me – I wait for you – I dream of you – as I watch movies and other couples kiss – its you I miss – I dream of you – as I write and fight – to not stop my strength – to defend my heart – against your rejection – too hard to get over your detention – set on me – that you never think of me – magically – my portals of communication are too weak to reach you – you see nothing – you hear nothing – you understand me – not - but you’ve all I got – right now – whenever I dream of you – I clutch my tears in my hand before they drown me – into a river breaking down to the end –
I want your exclusive smile, your hearts attention – your minds affection – your souls dreams – I want your souls dreams – and to share your silenced screams –
I want your morning, noon and night – your midnight glow as your eyes close to sleep and you wake inside to all the mysteries in your fantasies – your body relaxes to the soldier in you and you are silenced by your temporarily defeated strength – I watched you sleep into that night, a 2.45 am whisper of your shadow painting into me – I watched you but my eyes blurred with broken hope and torn chances with you – the light fell gently onto your skin casting the memories from within – but it was an un translated understanding – I felt so cold in the heat – I felt frozen in the invisible shade – shivering with the urge to hold you – come close – but fearing that you would wake up ----- and instantly how I felt natural it all felt whimsical – it all felt tragical

Natural consequence



The streets sunrise into a new day as the cold beads the morning into a frozen contract, The alarm clock beats the rhythm into my heart until I wake up to the days melody forming in my head – inspiration I drink, change opens in me from within – the city today I overcome as I get past all my own traffic of thought and fight through my crowds of failure – today I will not give up I will not let go –

The waters of my life climb the waves and crash into the corners of my eyes as the soft sand engulfs me and I waver in the rhythm of the merge between nature and my dreams – here, I am far away from my sadness as it has no chance to survive in the beauty of this serenity – no reason to cry and all I hear is faith loving inside of me –

I shiver as the cold rushes and gushes through passing all my pores and help to be me – sending invitations to show me where to be frozen – in my heart and in my determination it says – I breathe the ice dreams that I wished my queen eyes would make true from a spell darkened with lust that could run in the sea and be powerful enough to reach you – but all my desire does is break my tears into a million more – and all my sensation becomes, is numb to the core – of invisibility – blurring the warmth until it fades out of me – leaving nothing but emptiness that I yawn from tiredness –

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Last day of being twenty....

last day of being twenty
so many things i should have changed
such important things i needed to arrange
this year, last year - my thoughts were enlightened......... with madness
this year, last year - my heart was bombarded ................. with weakness
time flew and the air left me behind
until the last day of being twenty was all i could find
what did i want , what did i need
what did i desire, and for that how much did i bleed
what were my mistakes, my wrong calculations and blind accusations
where did i lose realisation and be a slave of imagination
when did i numb to sense and only be tense
how much pain did i gain and how many tears did i drop falling like rain
why did i give away so many secrets , why did i love so much till i was in debt
last day of being twenty
i reminisce loudly within me
silenced by what im analysing internally, and writing awkwardly
like an open book, i try and remember the pages of my finishing year
how many reports beginning with the word fear
how many hours spent in heartbreak
how many moments lying with soul ache

last day of being twenty
reminiscing dearly
about goodness and darkness
about yesterday and everyday
that i need to make better
sending tommorrow a letter
stepping into brightened weather
older and unique
wiser and owning a boutique - of determination
of continuation

i must
i will
i promise
to never say never
to never sleep into my dreams

Friday, February 22, 2008

a song in my motorway of dreams


broken heart, where do i start
a bridge interconnected
feelings intersected with you
i couldnt describe how i felt
with the shadow of reality blocking me
i couldnt tell you your tune
singing in my dreams
was the voice of my internal rythym
that with i deepened with hope -
that love meant your eyes shining beyond the horizons of my wants
finishing each others days
when they get too hard
well....

i love you, and i dont know you
listening to all these fantasies that want to come out
and remind me of the pain - billboarded over the motor way
a huge poster of cries that i lost my chance to find you
it gleams advertising soul - you are here - i am there
but through a silenced moment i believe that i can free us
the exclusive target runs in me and swishes all my senses argumentatively to really think i should ask you
just ask you
but i must drive on - i have a destination of a scar
clogging my soul after diminishing life in my heart
a scar that will be a memory
a bleeding history
humming madness
the lullaby of tears
i refuse to stop you
i love you
and when i will come to know you
i will know its you
it has to be you
it will be you
and i wont have to say anything about anything
just live into your eyes
just
just live...............

Monday, February 18, 2008

Echoes in my mind_ ( mess)


Word corrode but meanings explode
Dreams express what reality depress
Valentine falls as other days call
Into the rhythms of dry time
Without flowers and candles, just a bitter taste of truthful lime
Yet can it be sweetened to taste any better?
I’m suffocating myself with all those thoughts in my mind
All caving in to break me – force me into a shallow world
Of devoted deepness in believing in one true kiss
I don’t want to be in – the hypnotization of bliss
I want to miss - all those fears that hit me and bruise me
I’m shattered and tired
Fallen on the ground of failure
Needing a stranger - to be me

I am climbing the wrong way
Dreaming the wrong side
Killing the wrong enemy


Polluted dreams
Smother me with crime
Black fantasies color my mistakes
I want to be Cleopatra
The queen the strong the lover
Warrior of my time
No one can take me
Unless I want to be swept away

Write madness
Words of darkness
I have no expenditure
Spending too many lies
Waterfalls of cries

I try and recover what I deleted but I can't find it anywhere
I try and remember where it is but I can't find it
It’s gone - all of it
Dust that the wind took to a far away place
But blowing in a further strangeness
Storms of reality shelter me
I didn’t know I was the enemy
I hate this crazily
Black spine supporting me
Xylophones singing a scale of memories from when I was young in a classroom of broken life
I can't remember what I need
Suspended in the sky of tragedy
Going to eternity, through traffic of shattered dusk
Will you find me
Or am I the definition of a secret
Never to be discovered
Hidden crime groups beating the law in a darkened room as they whisper their plans to each others failure over choking smoke of deception and lies.
Until they start to remember the detail in the silence of their captivity – until I remember the silence that my regret wakes me
In prison of my invisible sleeping promises
I pour up my sadness in a cast smile
That’s deep
Tears I seep
Not knowing how to finish
Lines of despair
Come bring spares for my repair
Take me to a garage of therapy
So I can heal my wounds that keep opening magnificently
Into shadows of desire
Into a stolen attire
I want to retire – from me
And start a new day of calm
Not this raging fire that spires – through me

Sunday, February 17, 2008

LOVE -


What is LOVE??
What is it
Is it real or is it a dream?
Or is it a delusion
An unshakable belief in something untrue
Does every one think of it the same or differently?
Or is it a definition
Does it always mean the same thing
Or does it change
When does it start
How does it start
Can u love anyone? anything ? anywhere?
Do you love or is it love that loves
Do you think you love but you are acting?
Is it a set destiny to love only one or do you choose to love
How do u know you are in love
How do u know it is love
It could be what you think love is meant to feel and be
But it might not be love
And it might be
Do you love with your heart
Or mind
Or both
Or none
Maybe you love without knowing
Without you seeing
Love is blind
But do you love without thinking
Or do you always think
Until you have love in your head and then heart
Is love free or chained
With conditions
What is your condition
To love
Or should there be … conditions
Love should be free or is it too powerful to be left without control
Is love lost or found
Have you found or lost … love
Are you in love
Maybe you can be in love with love
Fall in and out of love
But then it stops being …something
Then it’s just anything
But love is… something
Bigger than anything
Or is it?
If you are in love
Who are you in love with
What are you in love with
Are they in love with you
Are they in love with you
Can it be told and shown and proven
Like an experiment
But experiments can fail
Can love fail?
Or Can it all be true?
What is love to you?
Does it stay the same, all the time
Or do you change the meaning when you change into a different setting
But is that supposed to happen
That you change its meaning
It’s meant to stay the same
Love
It’s meant to be one
United and forever
But love can become greater – so it can get lesser
Is love good or bad
Is it strong or weak
Is it hurting or mending
Is it here to stay or meant to go
Do we all know what we are looking for?
Or are we looking for something dangerous
Maybe it is all fake
Beautiful but fake
And can you depend on love
To protect you
Is love a shield
What does love bring?
What does love show?
To you

Do I know what love is?
Or have I made it all up
Do I need to erase what I know and learn something new
Or do I have it right
Do I have it wrong or right?
Or do I not have it at all
Love
If I fall in love
Will I know I’ve tripped?
Must I pick myself up?
Or is it ok to fall
Or must I stand up
Or will I always be walking
Without falling
In love
And if I fall in love
Will I need to fall out of it again?
Or will I need to learn that I hadn’t fallen in love and it was something else
Just a stone
Or was it that love was hurtful
No
Love isn’t hurtful
It is us that are painful
Us who abuse that it’s wonderful
I believe love is true
And strong and powerful and there to save
And last forever
And never dies
But that’s not right
It can die
Anything can die
Love can die
I’ve seen love die
I can't deny that

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Khartoum Heartbreak 3


The cold within me sends me to temptation of finding heat in your soul. I magnify the warmth in my mind a million times while standing in the wilderness of a frozen ground in the middle of my inner arctic reality. I dream far away from the swarm of my ice petals of problems and think of no one but you, nothing but your glistening eyes of fake love and truth.
I can't concentrate with the schizophrenic emotions waking up in my mind. One time I want you more than ever, the next, I badly need to forget you. Your picture dissolves too fast for me to remember, but magnifies too large for me to ignore.
The shining around your eyes framing struggles and tries, the temples of tiredness on your face honoring the days that you place, your smile to the night as you stay strong in the plight - and the way you made my heart race watching your heart trace some connection of energy with your presence, your loss and your dreams trying to break free from the grip of the Khartoum city power cut.
The electricity failing as usual leaves the darkness plot its way in the angst scene cascading through you and me. No generator could give life to the gap between us; no battery could be strong enough to overcome our differences. In the created blackness, our sub-Saharan thirsty love disintegrates in the shadows, a manifestation of a lost reason, to ask you to fall in love with me.
Hungry silence devours the emptiness already existing between you and I. There is a truncated sweetness to the atmosphere, a mutated happy ending.
You look in the sky, your eyes scouring to discover a moment of identity; the vast equanimity drags you in the bliss of dreaming. You are relaxed by the calm of the African serenity, the stars ask you stay, you welcome their invitation, you feel at home, you feel found, and you feel like who I wanted.
I think about telling you that I’m tired from hiding the galaxy of desire I have for you, I think about making secrets real, I think about how it would feel if my words impacted softly on you. You would quit translating to the stars and translate to me, everything you want me to see.

Think of it like a wrong ending or a badly written chapter – it’s not how it was meant to be. That’s ridiculous - Everything is going perfect in the midst of all this imperfection, why should I write a terrible ending. Why should I write a terrible ending

Native Deen - Not afraid to stand alone



This band is one of the most amazing inspirations in Islam. They give a new meaning to faith and what that faith can inspire you to be. Their songs are light and hope that Islam is a religion for creativity, honesty and true belief – Merging beautiful lyrics and music to bring a message for all but especially young youth that Islam is a religion that is heart opening and soul attracting –

Friday, February 15, 2008

Echoes in my mind_ (dreaming to be real)


Loss at the optimum
I lie to the maximum
Strength at minimum

My problems choke me
Protrude and enhance me
Into eras and decades of tears
Through centuries and lifetimes of fears
I always rhyme tears and fears
They go so well in meaning and feeling
I contemplate changing and breathing a new type of thinking
But the air I take is disappearing as it passes my cold interior of lungs
Frozen by the refrigerated happiness
Ice spikes crack through my warmth
I become shattered with remorse
As I stay the same yet yearning to run to win in the match of freedom of minds
But like the referee has red carded me
In life – to be – stopped

Trying to fix myself but end up looking like a disfigured portrait
I need something
Like a new soul
Or lessons to change this one
I’m feeling empty
Cold and shady
Sick
From all the contamination coming from my thoughts
Wasting my energy into all that is wrong
Dreams
They slide in an out of my soul
Sometimes saving me other times helping me fall
Lost in their captured freedom
Yet yearning to land in their open kingdom
Dreams
Revolutionize in my mind
Re conquer my silence
And fill me with gushing memories and remedies of a past that can't last but a future that is waiting to be lived the right way
I don’t know what to say
So many feelings blinding me
But I don’t know what to say
All the words making landslides and mountains
But I don’t want to say

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Beauty of Sudan 1 - Landscape






The famous 'Rakooba', hut house - seen in the Sudan made of wood and being the only protection form for a lot of of people - Here it is as a touristic setting though -

Friday, February 8, 2008

Just...


Love befuddled


Romantic hypnotisation


Strange combination


of loving you... not wanting you... not knowing you... believing in you... dreaming of you... so knowing you... but losing you...


I tell my dreams that one day they will come true - as promises bloom and pain is banished into a prison far away from the paradise of chocolate love -


With fantasies puzzled


I see so many mistakes in my own thoughts knowing they should be reattached and manufactured, recontoured and pampered into thoughts agonised with reality - because reality is the selling newspaper


Guilty imagination


To be with you always ... to know you stand by me... because I stand by you - like this whispered advance into a chance of capturing your heart


If you could know

If I could show


All the hidden mysteries u havnt even discovered - all the soft tales still uncovered - all the magnifications undeveloped all the inspirations unflowered


but they tell me it doesnt happen like that - i know it can never be like that - its been proven nothing works right that way - i have seen that everything goes stop before play -


they know that love needs visits of shaping (visits of creating)


i dont spell out what love means to me

its too out of shape (like me) for me

i cant confine it into the small insanity in my mind

i cant reduce it into an equation i can find ---- understandable

so it remains un do able

the solution for me -

Monday, February 4, 2008

Jamila جميلة

This is such a beautiful song from a new upcoming talented Iraqi boy band. I love its unique sweet tune and the simple meaningful romantic words they sing.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Echoes in my mind_ (Understand but not love)


No matter how much perfume I use
I can never stop smelling the irreversibility of my mistakes-
The pressure concaves me in the pits of decomposition – beyond beyond repair
I am gone – into a complex immorality of moral depression –
Life block
Thought shock
Everything is not how it was meant to be
I try and highlight to myself my identity
But time and time again
I scrape all my integrity
And smash it down the bin of betrayal
My head betrays my body betrays my life betrays my dreams betrays my innocence betrays my conceptions and so betrays me – me –
My extinctions of distinction
I sit in an attic of broken memories that I shoved there from the filled space of tears –
Files and files of history fill up my fears
I grow a full stomach of depression and a large diet coke still doesn’t do the trick
The sweet trick of minds
No sugar great taste
U can drink as much as u want and u will never get fat
How about that?
When it comes to love?
No - love piles calories of remorse no matter what u do
I’m sick of being sick with remorse
That I am not good enough for you
Completely shattered by the mistake that is trying to figure me out into something I just do not know
I force myself into a corner I was never meant to be in the first place

I’m sick of me thinking about you thinking about me – bad bad trick
And I cannot find the remedy
It’s a tragedy
That I can't stop thinking about you
My room is disorganized like my head is organized
Very very gone wrong
I would sing it like a song
If there was ever such a tune to follicle the madness of my words
No words though – no no words
That could ever fix me
Or jinx me into a better destiny
Just greetings into cracked weirdness
Weird weird craziness
That’s what they all see
That leaves them not look at me
Or worse still – understand me
None of them understand me
Even me
But the one that didn’t fall in love with me –
Understood me – and I knew he was hurt
By life’s tar burn
And he couldn’t turn back
Too old and too late to turn back
If I could just show him – that there is still time for everything
Maybe he would change and love me
But then he probably wouldn’t understand me

Anymore
And that breaks my heart .............
I want to part with my heart
And get a new one
Because this one is just destroyed
Completely and utterly void
Customer complaint – It’s not doing what I tell it to do
It just does what it feels like doing
And it goes behind my back and tells my mind
To think things I never wanted to find
My heart isn’t my heart
It’s got its own identity stealing my name
It and I are not the same
Unit ----
It fights its own wars
Makes its own scores
For love and what other
I have no say
In what it wants to preach
I cannot teach - my heart to do what I want
My heart is my criminal offence
But now I cannot catch it to give it sentence
It has hidden behind the globes of my soul
Yeah my heart and my soul are ganging up on me
But today I’m just complaining about my heart
It’s beyond responding to meBut ---------
I cannot blame thee
Because it tried to be with me for me obey me listen to me give advice to me say to me hear me be me and be me and be me ----- a longtime ago
And I hurt it by making it love pain and cries
I broke it by promising it a million tries
Of a second chance
Of not loving someone who didn’t love me
Understood me but didn’t love me
I can remember the nights it slept dreaming of true love
And I dampened its hopes my making it fantasize only this love
Because that was the one love I wanted so much
My heart became inflamed from the soreness – tender to touch
Until I thought one day I misplaced it but soon enough it was rendered kidnapped
My heart kidnapped itself away
Never to stay with me anymore
It gave up and decided to run
From inside me –
Somewhere inside me
So now I have no beat
Silence is upbeat – where the hollow of my heart used to be
With my heart I can no longer see
It will never help me – look at things with heart again
I’m trying to replace its occupation
But it’s leaving me with chaos and devastation
You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone
And the other parts of me are missing my heart
That’s why my mind won’t start
So sad about the part
With my felony heart
It might just revolutionize too…………
(To be continued)

A lot like love...


I want to love so emotionally distinct – a love that seems extinct – The blur of this emotionally distinct extinct love’s fantasia will cocoon me into being with you forever – I will love the dreams beneath your eyes beyond the horizons of your soul – I am going to look deeper and deeper addicted for a higher dose of a merge with the closeness of your touch, trying to put into words how it will be – when you call my name and my senses obey or when you visit my heart and it begs you to stay – because I want to redefine the meaning of near – you will not be near – you will be a word more intense to me than just near – you will become a part of my answers – when I think of you, it’s a lot like love – but the feeling is so strange and powerful, magnified and desire is so strong, it’s unbearable that I just know there is another word like love but crazier – a word simplified to explain what you do to me yet tangled in every complexion because when you kiss me you pull the rainbows out of the sky to come join and make the waterfalls collapse to try and see – its like that – damaging and naturally corrosive – immense in dynamics of insane purity –

But to love this love so emotionally distinct – a love that seems extinct – when you find me -- -- -- -- -- -- when you f—i—n—dNever mind.

Addiction


A game to play forgetting you are the winning loser
A heart numb to a feeling of attached undetachable despair
Your wings broken to the height of freedom – although you beg each time to get out of this pricking kingdom –
Soul bleeding from the heavy distance with loving your identity – you have long lost the ability to change your destiny- held down by the magnitude of sorrow, the latitude of hollow - even though you imagine each and every second how it would be like – if you would just fight – to get out of your homely mess – if you could kill this repressing cold pressing stress –
And see the light of a new day –where nothing and no one can be in your way – where you become leader of your passion and your mind convinces you what you convince yourself – because you are united as one – as one under the sun – and no addiction could ever devil in between and darken the space of heaven you have come to breathe and seize –

You must become empowered by your beauty that you are stronger than any addiction – letting go of a witches grasp – you don’t have to gasp – in order to barely survive – you love who you are – a shining independent star – not locked down and hidden deep down in a delve under the earth shattering so far – where no one can hear your screams that rage beneath your dreams and cry for a hand to pull up your monsterly affairs – but no one cares – except an addiction that leaves you thinking you are alone –and nothing else could ever be in store – depressing you into a fit of hypnotized anger – that slowly turns love into danger – and loss becomes better – with an addiction -

I urge you to believe you are not captive, and this addiction is not native in your memories or in your hands – in your eyes –
This addiction is a foreign madness sheltering fearfully in you - until you remember you have taken care of it for far too long – until you come to face and linger about the reasons why it all went wrong – the addiction will race to confront any trace of you strengthening to hold on to a rope of hope – all the mistakes it bakes into a cake of un edible destruction – you could never get over the broken relationships or the unforgivable hardships or whatever tormenting scholarship – to enter your world –

You need to think of it as a project of minds – where you become the owner, the profiteer, the one who captures fears and changes it into money to buy a second chance – you turn tears into investments of smiles – change lost property into based policy – that you are the success of your drawn up picture – you are the production of a special feature- that addiction would do anything to tear – anything to bring back the nightmare - so you can glare – back into the silence of your wear –

Your story is not nonsense and there is no giving up tonight – there is no giving in – unafraid tell you who you are – tell you what you fantasize to come real – what you’ve always wanted to feel – no addictions – just your dedication – to be your own creation.

Sudan Hip Hop - Story of our life- M.O.T

This is a really modern switch in musical sudanese talent - the words are really meaningful, the tune - modern,hip hop but sudanese rooted and so is are the pictures -giving sudan a new contemporary art to host -

Life in Ransom - Negative contact


Friday, February 1, 2008

Khartoum Heartbreak 2


The sun shines frantically to hide the darkness of my sorrow- it melts my depression of not having you into the realms of an African tragedy – I listen to the melancholy drip drop of sweated tears – crying from my inner breakage – my third world average – I would never be able to pay of the debt of attraction – too poor for your eyes to ever expensive -ise me – desertification of passion flows through my veins – I pray to the skies miracles wishing it would rain – rain your soul that would irrigate my dreams from excessive temperatures of heartache – You are - tempers soft against the gale of the harsh madness – I whisper to my torn apart land, that it would be alright, if I just forgot about you – if I starved all my desire beneath rib cages only strong enough to pretend – maybe I could lend - malnourished thoughts of you to my mind – then I wouldn’t find – a storage of the twilight extravagance of your eyes to explore my secretive feelings – when you look at me – so close yet so tropically far – I could never become more intimidated by romance and torment at the same time – star lights night engaging my protest to hold you near and tell you my fears – the darkness pours its reasoning suddenly, randomly - I am twisted in a (fairymare, nighttale) of what I could never be to you – every meaning that it spells – no matter how the caged balconies free my temptations – I could never make you understand what you mean to me – so I silence my Khartoum heartbreak as it could never be – that you and I are on the same equator of love

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -