Friday, February 15, 2008

Echoes in my mind_ (dreaming to be real)

Loss at the optimum
I lie to the maximum
Strength at minimum

My problems choke me
Protrude and enhance me
Into eras and decades of tears
Through centuries and lifetimes of fears
I always rhyme tears and fears
They go so well in meaning and feeling
I contemplate changing and breathing a new type of thinking
But the air I take is disappearing as it passes my cold interior of lungs
Frozen by the refrigerated happiness
Ice spikes crack through my warmth
I become shattered with remorse
As I stay the same yet yearning to run to win in the match of freedom of minds
But like the referee has red carded me
In life – to be – stopped

Trying to fix myself but end up looking like a disfigured portrait
I need something
Like a new soul
Or lessons to change this one
I’m feeling empty
Cold and shady
From all the contamination coming from my thoughts
Wasting my energy into all that is wrong
They slide in an out of my soul
Sometimes saving me other times helping me fall
Lost in their captured freedom
Yet yearning to land in their open kingdom
Revolutionize in my mind
Re conquer my silence
And fill me with gushing memories and remedies of a past that can't last but a future that is waiting to be lived the right way
I don’t know what to say
So many feelings blinding me
But I don’t know what to say
All the words making landslides and mountains
But I don’t want to say

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -