I break my own heart with what I'm doing. I want to understand why he did it. Deep down hoping for an excuse I can understand but the surface of me skims that thought away, I could never understand. All his tears, how he begged on his knees, how he so sorely feels, I could never understand. I hate the part of me that even thinks of thinking of giving him a chance to explain, THAT is what makes me really suffer. How could even a molecule of me want him back?
Outside in the air, in the wind, I walk out slowly; it’s going to get me anyway. All the noise and people and madness, I feel like I have to surrender to them all. I feel lonely and broken but mostly I feel so tired, like I want to lay my head for a million years, so I surrender to everything, to everyone – Including me and I let -
I let my body control me and my mind invade me
I let my tears engulf me and my heart opens me
I let my soul kill me and times pass me
I let that night take over me, all the scenes enroll in me and the memories control me
I let his lies come into motion and the accuracy of his betrayal fill with creation
As I breathe
I let his actions slay me and my screams replay in me
As I pour
I let all that happened tell me – the REAL story –
I let my love for him a chance to speak and I let his love for me a chance to leak –
I let my pain hurt and my anger blurt
As my clasps break and clang open all I can hear is the calamity of that night as he held my arm to try and explain but I ran out in such pain, then a new voice rises with strain with one simple message –
You want to forgive him.
His regret for his mistake is not - fake
I feel love for him coming back alive and I feel that even though this mistake is really hard to forgive, it’s still only a mistake.
One tear hits the ground and joins eternal freedom. All the rest of my tears now escape my prison of confusion. They cry, I cry, into clearness. As I find myself where I belong, or where I need to be strong – in his arms.