Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The last sunset - The fasting promise -




The Fasting Promise means that I will always have in my Heart the Idea of Fasting - Keeping a healthy body,mind and spirit.

Amr Khalid the best Islamic religious scholar mentioned -

' That when you stop food and drink then your mind remembers everything else -'

Even if I don't Fast literally the idea of promising to remember that Mode

My body

The Gold Chain


The Gold chain is an inspirational idea for 2009

It is a metaphor that I will be living by
The Gold chain stands for
Sharp continuity,
A Gold Journey and hence an
Expensive Destination.
Along the chain inspiration connects places...( My Faith, my Dreams, my College, my Friends, my Family, Romance, my Goals, Beyonce, Fashion, Art, Music,)

In my arms_ 0 days to go_part2* ( The Countdown)


I’m sorry God for wasting so much time in this 2008
I hope you forgive me, begin me with a new fate
2009 represents for me first a chance to change
To make you proud, to widen my range
Into the perimeters of success, possibilities and amazement
Into creation, talent and no wrong arrangements

Second, I dream to inspire myself and then others
I dream to achieve, perceive and never deceive
I dream to forget the devil and open a new chapter with your angels
I dream to ambassador my elegance as I walk and talk...
I dream to fulfil, commit and motivate my soul
I dream to unite, upright and stay bright

In the previous year, I was confused and lost
In this previous year I was of poor cost
Valuing nothing of what I aspire to pay
Nothing expensive for the price that I say

2008 gave me some open doors, achievements and good days
But nothing like what I really desire, want to reach and never to succumb
Mistakes blotted my year, cries puddled by fears and my time was not so dear
Hesitations were high; everything was low – compared to my hidden glow


2009 is where the glow shines
2009 is where my costs rise
2009 is how my life will change
2009 is how my days will grow
Into better, stronger, wiser
2009 is the way my heart will fulfil
2009 is the way my body will win
2009 is the time my energy needs
To use all its power to achieve
2009 is the bridge to the future
2009 is the cut of the past
The difference that will last
2009 is my moment
2009 is my goals, my dreams, and my reality merging into truth
2009... is me
This concludes my countdown over the past 5 days. My message is strong and I have so many dreams to begin. Next is the outlook towards 2009. Next is 2009. Next is the chance I've been waiting for .

In my arms_ 0 days to go_part1* ( The Countdown)



As I mentioned when we leave things for too long sometimes we forget how to change them – or they become solidified deep within us that they are almost impossible to kick out –
2009 is the weapon – it is the start

The way I will see it – a powerful weapon to change any impossibilities into 100% possibilities


Nothing will be impossible in 2009

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A Devils Love_حبيب بني آدم ...Lover of Destroying...

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -

The Islamic Bed...The Flowering Cycles...


The beauty of Islam is yet a project I have to fulfill...Only barely skimming the surface I intend to dive through:


more knowledge

more stories

more discoveries

more beauty

more faith

more understanding

more strength

more convincing

more internal bliss

more relaxation

All through more ... Love for my religion.


During the past I have had ups and downs... Loving Islam, Obeying the Devil, Not placing the words perfection, delicacy & precision with prayer, Hiding the magic of the Quran, Neglecting the power of Hijab, Forgetting my ideas and my basics, Leaving the angels fly away.... Losing instead of winning.


This blog had and always will have the intention of driving myself into more and more inspiration Love and passion and truth for my Religion.


The project I mostly enjoyed was a Devils Love... so well created, artistically drawn and covering such a wide range of very important topics, it drew my attention in 2008. I concentrated to finish it so as to begin new projects fresh in 2009. One part of a Devils Love remains( Post After) however and this is the most important one, extremely powerful and intimidating. It consists of the Devil talking to human kind... US.. You..ME. I chose to end the project with this piece as a final part but remembering it in my everday thoughts along with the others is my goal...

Understanding can only stem from knowledge, patience, praying, accepting, continuing, and most importantly NEVER GIVING UP>




Hijab is my personality ...
it is my purpose to fulfill, create and invent ideas for hijab... be Modern and Elegant... ME...Be Islamic and New... IN...





Religion is the Basic Elegance - BE


Finally, So many Ideas are in my daily thoughts for this blog in relation to my passion for dedicating a big part of my Life towards making Islam look Beautiful, Elegant, Delicate... The Islamic Bed. Other New projects... (The Flowering cycles, The Hijab pearl and Magnificant Islamic women) new stories and poems, new images and pictures, new everything.... are keys to my hearts openings for 2009.

A Devils love_ وثالثهما الشيطان

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -


A Devils Love_Forget about heaven... if you dont' treat your mother beautifully

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -


A Devils Love_ Flirting_ أساليب المعاكسة

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -


A Devils Love _والرشوة

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -

The fashion...The set_ POW



I want to become... The Fashion... The Set




The Beginning of the End... Start of the Magic.


Life in ransom will resume in 2009 filled with a new substructure, new external and internal meanings and new definition. I desire to change the theme and art of My Blog and its products along with so many other aspects of my Life....


2009 themes include

Elegance

Inner Strength

Romance For Islam

Outer Beauty

Modern Example

Time Perfection

Sweet Imagination

Iresistable Sudan

Defining personality


I have buzzing thoughts, imaginations, ideas, rythyms, magical fantasies, dreamy stories, real stories, POEMS .

.


I lust for change... Within me and From me

I yearn for meaning... Inside me and by me

I hope for understanding... For me and through me


Life in Ransom_ DGR Women

DESIGNED


GROWN


RUTHLESS




Women

Life in Ransom_ 2009


\Find your space in 2009 - Live your life with rolling numbers... find your zen and success all in the same place -- This year.

Life in Ransom_ True Romance is being married


A Devils Love_ Maid treatment_ (Have mercy on people so God will have mercy on you).

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -


In my arms_1day to go_part2* ( The Countdown)


Fear* a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.


Feelings of fear episodically try and dramatize their genes within me... they fear I am throwing them all away in one day... Grasping against my freedom to be strong and determined, I will rise over fear. No fears, fears that once held me from living, from discovering, from becoming... They try and chain me as I try and unchain me and the war battles on... No fears will step with me, no fears will live in me, All fears will be united to vanish into the memories of the past year and NEVER this new and bright year .2009 represents a solid entity that I resemble of my Beautiful, Islamic, Modern, Romantic, Elegant nature that will only incorporate... EXPENSIVE STRENGTH.

In my arms_ 1 day to go_ part1* ( The Countdown)


A new day has arisen ...A new chance is being born for I to conquer... let me enter into the realms of the new hour open and ready... ready to succeed, to change, to believe in myself and to accomplish...all that was impossible...all that was hard.... in this new year, let me be divine, elegant and self gracious,,, let me be modest, daring and truthful to my goals. I want to banish my voids and polish my elements to the highest luster. Let me find peace of mind, MY mind, my thoughts, my second, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, year, 2009 year....

Monday, December 29, 2008

Reminiscing Sudan 3






BEAUTIFUL>>>>

In my arms_2 days to go ( The Countdown)


Sometimes when we leave things for a long time they get harder and harder... to achieve... it’s like we forget why we wanted to do these things and how exactly we felt when we first.... I mean FIRST took them on. 2009 represents the start... The start that I need to begin something that



IVE never failed and I never will. Everything in 2009 will have this representation.


A Devils Love - Stay sleeping forever السهر

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -

Friday, December 26, 2008

Reminiscing Sudan 2




I wish that the parks today were just even a slight fraction of how clean,quiet and respected they were in the 1960's compared to now. Amazing how our modernisation has done nothing but destroy our heritage and nature...


In my arms_4 days to go... (The Countdown)


All the mistakes I have created are part of my mind. They will always be... but the genius is the person that is able to dissemble their grasp. Laziness is a sacred failure. Negligence is the partner that loves kissing disgrace. Nothing will work if I let those aspects become any part of my discovering personality. Sleep is a methodical miracle. Dark angel didn’t sleep... only 4 hours every couple of weeks... she had the personality of a hero... the strengths of a true achiever... Too much sleep simply destroys time... And I need time as a tool in 2009. Temptation is a beautiful weakness but a fatal nightmare if lost control with...messed around with. I think about temptation and what it has done in my LIFE...what it can do... like a hypnotisation to pull me back a thousand steps... like a poison to destroy all the hard work... Temptation as I said is beautiful though...I will always have the temptation to fall in Love, live a fantasy, live a dream...but NOT TODAY...TODAY... I am in a realistic sphere only twirled magnetically into the makings of ME....

Thursday, December 25, 2008

In my arms_ 5 days to go... (The Countdown)


I feel exhilarated as trails of thought begin to form. So many things I can achieve, so many dreams I can make them all come real. I feel the air begin to collect into a meaning and suddenly my breaths are for a reason...my heart beats faster and a gush of true blood inspires my aspirations... I want to win. I can do anything I desire, deal with any nomadic problems and make them disintegrate as part of the whole project... The prize project. I realise that I need Gods love and approval... he who doesn’t have ‘Deen’ will never be seen. And my objective is to be seen and heard and felt... I realise that this is not an easy task; to gain God’s true love and be worth his while... but then people don’t become important for doing nothing... I realise that I have to make a choice between the right choice, wrong choice and the easy choice. My mind is dazzling with images of the future.Italic.. days of hard work are yet to be ... but as this year comes to a close and a new year begins to unlock its doors open ...I realise that this is the chance to begin life again... It is a door that I must open fully... break the chains... Never look back...
2009 represents for me... A new me... A wonderful me... one that even I have never seen before...6 days. Until 2009...it is in my arms to begin now. In my arms to change this day into TODAY.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

A Devils Love - Entering your Home دخول البيت

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -

Echoes in my mind_ (The Prize)


So as I decide on my life and future dreams , what I want to do where I want to go – I realise all the mistakes I’ve done in the past were crucial understandings and even though they might have destroyed me in effort, embarrassment and wrong deeds I still imagine that they might just have a cent of good – towards the new investigations and experiments that design the intervals between my past, present and amazing future – I sit upright and wonder about time wasted, moments tasted of anxiety and stubbornness to be bold – but then the inspiration approves itself that I am a coincidence of brilliance and hope – I am hope – I love God – I love to please God and to make Islam proud – I love making my family proud – it is one of the best feelings in the world – just as receiving a prize is the best in the world – And so as I ponder upon all my achievements that can be magical and wonderful to a limit that is so large and grand – I realise that I need to forget the hindering effects of any negativities and understatements and begin to step on and master the vast picture of magnificence and dedication to God firstly , myself secondly and to my family thirdly.

Reminiscing Sudan 1





How Beautiful is Old Sudan Late 1960's compared to Now 2008?
I would live in that era over today
Living in Peace and Harmony
Seeing and Feeling True Sudanese Beauty and Nature.
People having Respect for their Land, Country and Themselves
Roads organised, Cars parked neatly, Buildings kept Clean


I think our 'New Generation' - so called Full of Knowledge, Technology and an Interesting Life, has a few things to learn from our Amazingly Dedicated and Wonderful Past History.




Saturday, December 6, 2008

Praying with style...Heart and Mat

I Love this Idea - personalising prayer mats and creating them with design thats cool, modern and stylish - I love ideas that are simple and yet can do a thousand fold for making young people pray but most importantly ... Love to pray - and also love to change Islam into still the same Islam but into a beautifully modern one -

The idea here comes from the project - AQIM SALATAK -
سجادتك من إختياركما دام بتختار كل شيء في حياتك من حقك تختار شكل سجادتك،



Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A Devils Love - SMOKING : التدخين

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -

(Echoes in my mind)_ The Presidential Flower


I must stop and find
I need to rewind
All the processes of my mind
Thoughts compatible with my kind
Instead of being always allergic and blind
With despair and construction of desires
I need to discover
Love in me before dreaming of another
Before wishing upon fallings stars through glass of shattered fantasies
Calmness –
I hope for silence of dreams to take away the blasphemies
And bring me pearls of stolen entities that once were jewels
Of me – By me – With me – For me – In me –
Where did all my strength go?
Where did all my power blow?
How did I lose my faith in my beauty and knowledge?
When did I change into this horrid message?

I must go upon the thin chances and think of heavy memories
That once flew me away peacefully on a sky of remedies
A sea of sanctuaries
Moments of promises that I thought would last forever and wake me through the necessities of life

Things are changing and days are flaming with passions and pain
People are understanding but also misguiding and I need radars that stain
All lies and problematic voices
I open a shallow umbrella under the rain
Where coldness of emotions penetrates to my veins
Deep in my heart I pray that the pain – washes through the drains
Of my asking God for forgiveness and happiness
Strength and elegance
To be a Muslim women full of energetic existenceTo live life with beauty, hope and be - The presidential flower

Monday, December 1, 2008

NOT HIJAB


This is a very meaningful caricature I found in a sudanese newspaper outlining charachteristically the image a lot of young women have of the 'MODERN DAY HIJAB'
You can see just some of the mistakes portrayed funnily in this image but the concept is so deep. What muslim women reflect from their image towards Islam and hence Hijab is a crucial factor towards the ultimate survival of the beauty and strength of the REAL HIJAB - -

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Everything is cool...Hijab style 2 (POW)

This Dress is a picture of words -
Nice material,
Colour,
Sharp but not tight
Most importantly conservative-

The earrings are super nice as well

A head scarf wrapped around the hair in a way to show of the earrings and neck part of the dress would finish this look as a Modern Hijab style full of Glamour -

Muslim girls should feel comfortable about the way they dress and not feel that they are missing out on anything just because they cant show off some skin - This picture is an example that conservative dress is Sexy, Beautiful, Smart and Appealing - it's the way you feel about yourself , what you believe in and your personality that will fulfill the image full of confidence and beauty -


Here is another example of Beauty and conservation -

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Self confidence: A True insight


Self confident

Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize you for it.
Not confident

Governing your behavior based on what other people think.
Self confident

Being willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.
Not confident

Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure and so avoid taking risks.
Self confident

Admitting your mistakes and vowing to learn from them.
Not confident

Working hard to cover up mistakes and praying that you can fix the problem before anyone is the wiser.
Self confident

Accepting compliments graciously. “Thanks, I really worked hard on that prospectus. I’m pleased you recognize my efforts.


Being self confident I must admit is one of the hardest things I find to do- I'm going to work on it in every possible way - And some of the above are the starting point - I have found that it is a trait that can begin with simple entities and soon become overpowering - Most importantly it effects everything you do- i'e You can be very smart and know what to do in a situation but feeling that 'you can't do it' , 'you are afraid of ruining it' are the keys to opening the low self confidence door - Of course if you are not self confident in the way you feel about yourself whether its personality or beauty then this will effect your state of mind and level of happiness.

There are so many books out there, people that talk about it and magazine right, left and centre


How many times have you heard the phrase

BOOST YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE BY LOSING WEIGHT!


My opinion is self confidence is from within and yes even though certain things I mentioned can help you - it really takes your own inner willpower and a great challenge of self change in terms of how you think, percieve and see yourself and your abilities and capabalities.


Here are a few things I am doing to help my self confidence

- Love God, Islam and ask God for the self confidence I need and have dedication towards my religion(Islam)

- Have a great knowledge of my profession

- Be energetic and take up excercise (gym + swimming) and a healthy lifestyle

- Always feel I am happy and pleased with my looks and appearance ( To do this I ensure I love the way I look - my clothes, shoes, perfume, etc).



Sunday, November 9, 2008

POW - Loyal to the Dream


Picture Of Words - This picture is amazing - It's like Raining colours of Beautiful Islam down on me - making me feel I need to stay Loyal to the Dream of keeping faith, staying strong and believing in God no matter what -
The beautiful colours are how You feel when you are full of serentiy and tranquilty from wearing the Hijab - yet those colours can also be a metaphor for all the wonderful reflection this girl has in her life -
The girl in the picture is so modern, looking at ease and beautifully in love with who she is and what she wants - she is not stressed and she is not unhappy - I think that whenever I see this picture, It's where I want to be.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Christina Aguilera - Save Me From Myself

I love the atmosphere that this song creates -
Soft
Sweet
Sensual
Intelligent
Modern
Light
Super Romantic
Beautiful Love
Tender need

I love her clothes - The casual side and the wedding dress idea is amazingly different and beautiful -
I think the veil she wears is actually a very good design for Hijab Style -

The words are so meaningful and full of feminity yet strength - I think that a lot of women think they can't show their feelings of dependance to a man otherwise they will become weak - but I think that showing a man how much you need them and really needing them is a beautiful part of love and makes a woman stronger and the relationship stronger.

I love this song!

Friday, November 7, 2008

A Devils Love - Studying - الدراسة

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -

Friday, October 24, 2008

In his arms


What hurts me isn’t just that he betrayed me, lied and deceived me. What hurts me is how when I look into his eyes all is feel is how I can’t live with without him, how I still love him. It’s like all my anger towards him is really towards me for feeling this way, for feeling that I need him. Suddenly, I could slap him like I'm slapping me and shout and cry like I'm hating me, not him. How could he do this to me and I still want him to hold me with his warm eyes that I learned of by heart and his beautiful skin that makes me melt when we start.

I break the glass and throw away all the pictures to remind me to forget to force me not to regret this new day without him. But the pain only gets worse, the tears never stop and the anger never subsides. My night is way too dark to survive. I have no answers for the thousands of questions shattering my head. All those questions erupt into my soul, the hurt is burning me.
I break my own heart with what I'm doing. I want to understand why he did it. Deep down hoping for an excuse I can understand but the surface of me skims that thought away, I could never understand. All his tears, how he begged on his knees, how he so sorely feels, I could never understand. I hate the part of me that even thinks of thinking of giving him a chance to explain, THAT is what makes me really suffer. How could even a molecule of me want him back?

I can’t fall asleep, I can’t eat, I can’t speak, I am weak but I decide to work and walk into the steps ahead which will lead me into days and years without him. As I work memories try to invade new space I create and as I evaluate, his face evaluates me back into the reality of this sleepless tragedy. I drop the pen and turn off my laptop. I feel like I'm suffocating. This isn’t working, I’ve tried and I'm still remembering, caring. I have to find a solution.

Outside in the air, in the wind, I walk out slowly; it’s going to get me anyway. All the noise and people and madness, I feel like I have to surrender to them all. I feel lonely and broken but mostly I feel so tired, like I want to lay my head for a million years, so I surrender to everything, to everyone – Including me and I let -

I let the sky intimidate me and the roads occupy me
I let my body control me and my mind invade me
I let my tears engulf me and my heart opens me
I let my soul kill me and times pass me
I let that night take over me, all the scenes enroll in me and the memories control me
I let his lies come into motion and the accuracy of his betrayal fill with creation
As I breathe
I let his actions slay me and my screams replay in me
As I pour
I let all that happened tell me – the REAL story –
I let my love for him a chance to speak and I let his love for me a chance to leak –
I let my pain hurt and my anger blurt

Me, myself and I
As my clasps break and clang open all I can hear is the calamity of that night as he held my arm to try and explain but I ran out in such pain, then a new voice rises with strain with one simple message –
You want to forgive him.

You want to forgive him but you feel silly and stupid doing so, you want to forgive him but you are afraid he will hurt you again, you want to forgive him but you don’t want to be wrong. You want to forgive him so bad because you miss him and love him, need him and want him. And you want to forgive him because you believe he is hurting too.
His regret for his mistake is not - fake

I feel love for him coming back alive and I feel that even though this mistake is really hard to forgive, it’s still only a mistake.

I want to forgive him
One tear hits the ground and joins eternal freedom. All the rest of my tears now escape my prison of confusion. They cry, I cry, into clearness. As I find myself where I belong, or where I need to be strong – in his arms.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

A Devil's Love...Look who is eating with you, invite us... اعزمونا معاكم

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -


Saturday, October 18, 2008

Dreams


Dreams are unique pearls existing in the mind

Glistening in the sun of hope and escaping the night of fear

But once the nature of reality bounces its crime forwards

The dreams spill and crash shattering to the ground

Now only a past of reminiscence
Now only a dream of a dream

Secrets - The Bad


When you keep a secret – Molecules of the word wrap themselves subtly around your breaths until you are choked with silence, until u can no longer breathe life. Your energy wasted into the dampness of this dark hidden tumor in your soul – all your reality minimized to control a vast black fantasy into staying dead when it is growing more alive with your pain – only multiplying as you pour tears of rain –over your land that expands with these weeds.

When you keep a secret – The power house of your mind clogs up with the turmoil of broken down thoughts flying at high speeds – unsure of how to settle in the wilderness of your unsettlement - rapid tornados destroy your peace – as secrets make your inner weather a passive destruction.

When you keep a secret - time goes slowly seconds are held back with regrets and pressure – very cold, the ticks start to freeze, leaving you paralyzed in space, unable but to descend darker into the inability to speak and the ability to stay weak.

When you keep a secret – moments become hours and happiness is a treasure lost. Ideas swamp your tired head
Devastating heart wars start to tread
Until u are bled out of relaxation
Until you are fled from your warm stations
Where you once understood departure and arrival of memories and you always caught the transport to reach your destination on time – and even if you were late you still made it in time for a good fate –

When you keep a secret – contact with the outside world is cut off… an alien in your body, an intruder of your private mind – the secrets have an addictive effect to beg for further solitude – for further alliance with silence – gnawing on the raw nourishment of your strength and your sanity, your available existence is getting truncated as secrets damage the health of getting help – grow on the expense of replicating without cause except to hurt sense, mess with skills of defense, and turn your emotions and devotions into a tense underground of cracking stability.
Cells trying to wake you
Are afraid for you
They know you
Have been there for you
Since before you kept the secret that threatens their survival.
They see the before and after picture
Raging with sorrow that still tomorrow, you are not hesitant about telling someone – ESCPECIALLY YOURSELF that this secret torture HAS TO END -

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Friends



We were the best of friends time ever saw

But when we grew up we didn’t know what to do

And time easily parted us and out friendship flew

People thought everything was off as they saw

But inside our hearts our friendship only grew

Amazing that you loved me and I never knew

Because for me you were a friend that I never hided from, only showed

If you insisted to be my love I would have only left you

And anything else would kill me because I can't live with without you

So lets be friends as we used to
And tell our secrets as we used to

CREATIVELY GONE


Who’s going to understand better than I am?
Who’s going to shatter all your dreams away?
Why do you not trust me to care about you forever?
Why do you feel that I’m hiding things all the time?
When will you expirement with falling in love completely?
How will you discover that I will forget your needs?
Why are you scared that I will clumsily forget you?
Can you not just give me a chance?
To prove to you that I will hurt all your romance
That all I did, I did for you
To give you an opportunity to see true love’s blues
I kidnapped your choices and twiddled them with my path
I didn’t mean to overpower you with the betrayal wrath
Obviously I meant to ask for your forgiveness and be so good to you
In the name of our love and our past, what I did was wrong
Please help me to change, can you not understand?
It was just a game to test our enchanting strands
Of time that we spent and meanings that we meant
I won’t be a monster to our fantasies content
I won’t be the control that destroys our partnership
You’re not going to stop protecting me, right?
You’re not going to give up the fight, right?
I promise I’m sorry and I’ll stay up all night
Watching you sleep silently in the storm
Until you don’t have a choice but to commit till we fall
Stay put, until it’s all – CREATIVELY GONE

Raining on me


It’s raining outside and my heart is bleached with pain
Corrosive particles fall subtly to wet the ground –
Quietly, all my tears become a harmony of sound –
Outside, I hear the rain on my window pane
Sweet drifts from the sky reminisce on this shelter
Collections dribble dreams away from me
Coldly, they sweeten the roads, the houses, the seas
Millions of pearl drops of rain, together- by one another
Coming to wash away my answers
I am so close to them listening to their gathering
Listening to their pondering
Where will they slip tonight?
How will they reflect the light?
Of my disasters and miracles
My imaginations...Flying to meet the storm
Rain drops creatively paint the glass with a forecast
Artistically draw circles and lines in the atmosphere
I wish they taught me how to be free in expression
How to Live with Life
The weather is shivering today
With memories, fears and problems that are here to stay
I try and understand the wind that is blowing in my territory
Is it change, difference, loss, heartbreak?
Stems grow outwards and upwards in the minerals of my sorrows
Luscious emotions of hurt that will flower tomorrow
Nectar of regret
Time does not help you forget
The rains effects are astounding shadows that connect seconds into moments that whisper hours and wriggle into times – day – time – night – time –
Which time? Is my time?
Freezing with an open window of a broken fate
Pieces absorbed are destiny that’s late
Engulfing my breaths into a forgotten date
The rain supports my troubled debate
Of lies that drive in by the open gate
Lies that burden their weight on my skin, my eyes, my voice
My enclosed escape
My weak room
Like a modern tomb
I am buried inside whirls of rain

Sunday, October 12, 2008

SALAT


Poetry is prayer

Light dancing inside words

Five times a day

I try to write

Step by step

I move towards the mihrab*

I prepare to recite

What is in my heart

I recite your name


(E. ETHELBERT MILLER)

Such a beautiful poem I discovered entitled - Salat (Praying).
The description of praying here makes me want to pray always.
I love the metaphor he uses - linking poetry with praying -
I think this short verse portrays praying in such a delicate intricacy of meaning, a way we need for us muslims to show Islam's true beauty.


*The Mihrab - found in most of the mosques (especially old ones) to indicate the direction of AlQibla, the direction Muslims stand facing while praying.

The Devil - (Part 1)


The devil tries to sustain its nourishment from my underlying walkways and enchanting ideas, magical alleyways of fantasies filled with galaxies of mystical mists of grace and effort running from my soul to my mind, my heart to my eyes, my ears to my touch, my time to my place trying to find out knowledge and education, truth and forgetting devastations, writing and reading, loving and praying, exercising and changing -----
perfection into me.

I create all I feel from emotions and vast wilderness into the beauty of familialarity. Seeking hope from corners of reality and breathing dreams of treasures… this is me. Very beautiful, I try and protect all my gold and silver of important strength. I collected all my needs from years of hard work and trying. Almost centuries of dedication ----- to unravel the conquests of my ancestors and let roll their genes into mine. As I eat, sleep and wonder, I unfold all my abilities into this world… my room. I lead all my silences into critical words and I see all my hardships as beautiful tasks… easy twisted layers I can break down.

How then, is this not all food for the hungry devil?

Its jaws piercing the normality, I bleed madness out of my sweet veins. Hard work seeps out in an instant, I am hurt, damaged, ---- down. As the devils flesh swells with love for free kisses of my humanity and my sanity, tender with love, he heartbreaks all the chances and connecting roads I built. As he infests me with mistakes and riddles of never ending regret I try and be strong, HOLD ON, but I fall in wrong. Images I drew of the future are erased, colors I discovered blacken into centuries of darkness, blotches of tears grow, and erosions of fears accumulate as forgotten sediments in my body. The effects are fatal. Immediately the devils talents replace mine, sucking freedom and invading life ----- like malaria ----- I start to feel chains of angry memory and sorrow, wrapped in a web of failure. No special wings of mine can butterfly me away. My lungs start to fill with deceiving temptations, mutations of diffusions of conniving air, perfusions of explosions of degrading despair, fusions of illusions hard to repair, expulsions of my revolutions that are shattering here and there. I sink deeper and slower into confusion and grievance for my dead time here on earth. Taken the time to make a city of a wonderful personality, only to let it become ruins from the earthquakes of the devils loud THUMP.
I am dented from the heavy lumps
The large clumps
Of dump
The devil has garbaged me into------------
(To be continued)

Infatuation


(Listen to Christina Agueilara's - 'Infatuation' - Track 6, Stripped album)


My soul is lost in your symphony
And we dance to the rhythm of the night
I just can't fight - no hesitation
Pure infatuation with your tender lips as you touch my curved hips
Just made for you
Silence of my love beating so strongly inside me
If you need me – then I can't be anywhere but for you
If you want me then I will be your every desire
If you love me then that is enough for me to live with you forever
My infatuation with you is for eternity
Chemical imbalance you set through me
Blood soars like a flood of romance
My mind becomes breathless as my lungs become useless
Infatuation is my new need
Infatuation is my new bleed
Color that runs to paint lyrics and music that sound of you
You are my infatuation and that is enough to save me
That is enough to make me --------------------- an infatuated woman

The Hijab Pearl - (Part 1)



The young girl danced
Around men she pranced – hypnotizing the magnitude of their fantasies
She was their fire –devoured by her motion
Movements like lotion that melted into a wave of her own passionate symphony
They adjusted precious time to her, later remembering that it only a blur Intertwined moments under her spell, she tasted of heaven but the temptation was hell
Every pupil devouring her luscious curved hips and her tender rouge lips
Silk poisoned black hair and delicate romantic steps so bare
Midnights that blended with morning – she grasped their thoughts hostage, until the following evening.

Creating the rhythm of wonderful despair
Her golden hoops shook around her friction & her wear
Through a disco that flashed a broken dream, only she could feel her scream
Pushing desire against the walls that captivated her mystery
Where it seemed – that beauty was accidentally spilled with tragedy
But admirations were always one phone call away, and jealous eyes were adamant to stay -
Where it felt - that the stage was her servant – serving her life into a stolen beat - Master of defeat

She sways within the twilight nightmare, bleeding an equation that is devastatingly unfair
Bombarded by a stranger deep in her soul, someone knocks loudly determined to call – her mind and heart into a twisted kiss - Of heartbreak and bliss
Body of suffocation – Her lungs tighten to find air to breathe
Rehearsal everyday – when her body plunges into the addiction of this lost show - She dances creatively to her flow –
Sadness Madness

And when she lays her sweet bitter figure to the cracks of the dawn, cracks on her peace, she finds nothing but a shattering girl and a battered lease
Renting her everything to nothing, her sweat mingles with the drama in her heart
Tears crashing like a tsunami on her pillow, emptiness filling spaces in her so hollow
She weeps for her shiny black days that have no cause; she doesn’t want to do this anymore she needs to pause
Turning for an answer all she finds is her swollen dresses of anger, the remains of ugly passion clinging on the fabric like a virus
Glittered pain climbs the wrinkles of her hands; only weaknesses are under her command

Her dreams are a stone home for her misery
She flies through places in time stuffed with clouds of agony
Films taped in her memory, of when this all started and ways it can all stop
How she became the better dancer but only the worst feelings profited in her
How she lost her family but she thought it was for the future
How she threw out her meaning for this horrible dealing
Just when was it all going to stop?

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Red Rose of Miracles of the Quran



Picture of Words emphasising the strength of Gods words - and his meanings of truth -

Friday, October 10, 2008

THE EQUATION OF LIFE- Islam is a way of life.

ISLAM IS A WAY OF LIFE
ISLAM = A BEAUTIFUL RELIGION
LIFE = HOPE AND 2ND CHANCES

A BEAUTIFUL RELIGION IS A WAY OF HOPE AND 2ND CHANCES.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Tweety


I would like to end my day with these cute slippers and begin my day with tweety toast!

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -