Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Reality Diva Dreamer

I dream of
Droplets of the future
Dews of the past
The wishes upon time and the sincerity of hope
Chances and advances of a memories evolution
I dream of prnciples and the sale of choices
I dream of sails... passing by, flying high
Taking me ashore to places new and fascinating
Where the breath of the moon shines my life
Carrying new options like the cresent discovery into a lunar month
I dream of prayers that exist beyond that moon, the galaxy and the farthest Universe into the realms of Gods doors, where I pray, they are accepted
I dream of love and beauty
Beauty, inner and outer merging theatrically as a one production of faith
Mythological realities conguent of nature and episodical developments of romance
I dream of me and myself and I
That I understand what I want, and how to achieve
I dream that I be realistic, yet a dreamer past any dreamers experience
That my capability to dream only expands and reproduces
I dream that I can only escape and become free
Reality Diva dreamer is me

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Space Museum...for real

The Secret Drawer

In here are some very treasureful things
My mums wedding glove - one pair is missing so I only have one
Ribbon and Glitter
A silver frame with a picture of my Grandmother
The last bottle of chanel 5 my grandmother had
Notebooks and Notebooks, with different words, beginning of stories and poems

The White House...for real

Forgotten Diamond

I have thrown a diamond away
It was precious, but I would have lost it anyway

But one day....

I thought it was going to stay
Forever and Forever I dreamt it would be
This diamond and me
In the morning it would have shined in my heart
And at night it would have glowed for us to start
Spending hours

Becoming one power

Always and forever I would have worn him on my hand
A treasure for a long time I took to our tale
But then it was stolen, my hand went pale
Everything changed by a visit to the sea
Outside and abroad my diamond did not plea
It saw the horizon, the likes of being free

Was not with me

And I prayed and prayed that he would understand
But everday quality was cheapening like the grains of broken sand
Please, please shine for me
I can't , can't you see??
You and I, We don't belong
I am not beautiful with you

Tears fall down my diamonds dew

Let me go, his whispers so far
But their echoes radiate from a cracked message in a travelling jar
Tears of millions fall through my veins
My diamond is giving me the world of pain
I have no choice but to thow it far away
And bury it all day after day
Slowly, I trace the memories of him on my hand
As my sadness commands

To take the glamour of love off
And sell my emotions to a silent bidder of control
When I look out I am alone
In the silence of a deepening ocean of hurt and a vast forest of secrets
Everything holds no reason
Walking or running, I must forget
The hardest part yet

I bought that diamond with my love and hope
I looked beyond the wildest scopes of love and fantasy
For us to be together, a unit of destiny
But he didnt trust me, to make him happy
To make him expensive with faith and family
He didnt see my dreams, my inner colours and ideas
He only saw my outer layers
Layers and layers..............

The ocean calls my name, the waves game of fury
Give us the chance you've been waiting for
Give us the breath you've been trying to reach
Give us the time you've been desiring
Give us the man you've been loving
And we will take all your treasures and make them part of the oceans history
Like everything else, like everyone else that comes here
I know my diamond will be safe
Swirling through time, twirling as it falls in the waters rhapsody,
There is a peaceful calamity of this forgotten

Friday, March 27, 2009

ارم ذات العماد

ظفار في عُمان
التي لم يخلق مثلها في البلاد

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Just like me

This song is... is the mood I am in right now

Wrong and Right at the same time
Confused and Understanding at same time
Passionate and Darkly mistaken at the same time

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Eyes Have been so Blind

My eyes have been so blind

I've been in darkness, trying to figure out why I stumble

Falling , hurting, crying, not understanding

My eyes have been so blind

Shedding their youth away

into misery sights and foreplay of disaster

I was sick with a sheet of upset tears

All the time

My eyes have been so blind

And then

God... He shows me people to learn from

he gives me days to think freely

He lets me live with independance

He pushes me to never give in

and I look at the light reflecting my glass shadows

everything is right before me

To take, to fix, to learn

Everything is there

To clean, to know, to be

All I have to do

Is remember

That my eyes have been so blind

and I must switch the intensity of that time


I must not be sleepy lazy or tired
From fixing my eyes
I must not be betrayed
by what I've seen so far
I must let my eyes become stronger
determined as ever

Monday, March 16, 2009


So... Much to pretend about, a few simple scenes in my life over the last couple of days, hours, Have utterly changed my mind, but can they change my life? I think about things, the spaces in time and how they move, maybe they are so interconnected we cannot even begin to imagine how destiny glues our imaginations, fates and moments in a one eventful memory, If I could, I would analyse the depth of thoughts each person had, figure out the meaning of the glow in their eyes, for beyond every eye is a million ideas, a million shadows and a million identities, I wish I could discover it all, every speckle of truth, every madness of lie, so I could make the real decision, but tell me, we are so superficial that scientifically our emotions only show 1 or 2 cells of surface that they mean, the rest is hidden, forbidden into the crucifixes of fear. And show me, our minds complicate relationships like a planet unknown so far is the distance of understanding a simple pleasure of peace... The light shines on my heart, but the reflection is somewhere ... someplace even I Cannot find...it goes where the sea of reality cannot flow, and therefore I am protected from traffic... delaying my happiness.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Black Velvets I want Together

This dress looks beautifully fulfilling, worth the attention and is simple and respectable,

And then these patterns.... Are Black Velvets I definitely want on my hands and legs,

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Diva Independence

Independence blows me away with responsibility and time
I feel interrogated by my mind to control my senses, my events and my eyes like never before
My language speaks like I am a new me
Becoming what I was given to be
Full of strength and Faith
I feel surrounded by my magnitude of tries
Suddenly I have power to be EXACTLY who I want to be
No more cries

This Independence is both scary and easy
Peaceful and Warlike
A Very limited confession between truth and lies
A careful structure between identity and loss in time
I feel like I am EXTREMELY capable of taking care of myself
But honestly
Loneliness is a sore arm
Being alone... Is hard
Like being in your own company
No.... terminology of warmth in someone elses comfort

Independence is fragile
Easily broken and tremendously treasurable
Please God help me stay .... better than what independance brings
Trusting Yourself -

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The meaning of Rest


I Imagine...

I imagine....
I imagine a poem that could describe how I feel
One that suprises even my own emotions and words
One that speaks in the way I desire love to be
I imagine the man who is in this poem
He is a swift feel of articulated passion
His air breathes through the metaphors in the lines
Like he owns the raphsody of events
His beautiful balance evens the wide space of time, between us
I drink his peace that he draws in my mind
He speaks to me as I am a part of him
I Imagine his sense of care
I Imagine his stare
His eyes telling me the world
His eyes share the drama of connection
He floods me with a woven heartbeat of desire

This poem hurts me and makes me
Gives me and takes from me
I waste seconds refusing
And hours perfusing into the delicacy of his touch
I Imagine he is there for me when I need him
He is in Love with me and I am not slim
Without me his life is dim
I imagine he thinks of me right now
I don't know where, I don't know how
Knowing my matter exists deep in his soul I reside
By his love I abide
To stay deep in his heart, he carries me with him day in, night out
Same for me
Somewhere he whispers that I am here
He whispers that I am near
Just close your eyes and you will find me
Tell me what is wrong and listen to my answer
For we are together, bound forever
I Imagine...

Friday, March 6, 2009

Just a Note... On Friendship

So, as my best friend rings the door bell, I leave the hot chocolate just about to boil and run to open the door,, Kiss, kiss, hug, hug , smile, ah, laugh out loud, we greet each other and start gossiping.

We sit on the kitchen table and I pour the hot chocolate, her one with a teaspoon of expresso, Top 10 Uk Charts is on , Kings of Leon, down 4 with 'Use Somebody' , great song and we hum along to that,

Then moving to the conservatory I put on my new Lady Gaga album and we listen to the new beats we love, we leave it in the background, chatting, laughing and dancing as we sip our hot chocolates,

she notices my pride and prejudice DVD - ooooo can we watch the scene of Pemberly? - I don't need to be convinced, it's fabulous and as Mr. Darcy jumps into the lake, we melt with our jealous eyes and girly minds.

She still has not found time to watch the DVD Box set of TUDORS Season 1 but this weekend for sure.... I tell her it's BRILLIANT !

The internet is on and she favourites some websites and I show her some of mine. Movies, music, famous gossip, Heroes, season 3, How it has improved since the start of the year and she convinces me to start watching it again from episode, Clear and Present danger.

I tell her about a movie I saw and loved - 'The other end of the line'

We disagree as usual how these films are so typical! and I try and convince how they are so beautiful! soothing to the heart!, she laughs but hears the story anyway

Yawning, she decides to head off, we decide on our next meeting , probably next week, It's chilly outside and she waves of running to her house a small walk down, I close the door and thank God for Friendship, for Love, and for Safety. And write this.

Full of Hope Diva

Back on track
I am listening to the beat, the way it should seat
My interest is in education
Of the heart, soul and mind into happiness
My status is the present of the present
My nutrition is a flow of glow
I am heating my cool
And I love every sensation
Of the way I live
Hope spills out of my name
And I am its meaning
I am Full of HOPE TO be the true me
To succeed

Album Poetry 1 - Lady Gaga

Never Stop Again, Don't Stop for Anyone.

But I'm happy pretending we're alright, sunglasses cover my material kisses

And how I lost you and your brown eyes
In your brown eyes, I was feeling low

I'm Looking for Love on an empty Page


It's some kind of Joke, I'm obsessively opposed to the typical

Baby maybe when we're alone got a request, would you make me number 1 on your playlist?

I have something, that I love no more

There is nothing else I can say, wish you never looked at me that way

Can't sleep with the man who dims my shine

And Baby when it's Love, if it's not Rough, then it isn't Fun

Watch your heart, when we're together

Can't read my poker face

Run it back with the Original Flavour

I'm so starstruck, Could it be him?

Promise I'll be kind, but I won't stop till that boy is mine

This album is Fun, Energetic, Modern, Full of Dance and Beats that come out of your city day to help you enjoy Life, Music and You

Just Dance

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Romance for Real - Tyler Perry

These movies are fabulous, They are like soul food, comforting and delicious, fattening to emotions and fulfilling to your every warm need.
These movies inspire me to make my own one day
And of course Madea is amazing! No comment!

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -