Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A Devils Love - Alcohol, mother of evil _ الخمر أم الخبائث

series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Life in Ransom...Muslim women

Life in Ransom..You are

It's time for anything you want to do -

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Sanity & Insanity

(Wrote long time ago)

{Central Apnoea}, a disastrous consequence where the respiratory system of the human body does not mature properly, the end result – Central Apnoea – the patient cannot breathe when they go to sleep. There are only 300 cases in the world and even though the handicap is catastrophic where the affected will remain on life support machine their entire life, I come to find myself thanking the Almighty nevertheless for its rarity and praying to him only more to help people with problems in health such as this one, or any others that are life debilitating.

{Sanity and Insanity}, that condition where the mind is lost between a bridge of two worlds, the sane and the insane. I find myself acutely affected by its collective symptoms.

The difference between dreams and reality hauls on me like that game of tug the rope, which teams wins by pulling stronger. I dream so much about love, peace, beauty, I wish so badly for them to come true, when I look around the real world and find nothing’s changed, I only deviate and wander and dream some more. But just as dreaming is good and important it can be severely lethal. I find myself lost from truth, lost from hope that things are not coming true. It puts me in a state that is maniacal, leaves me shaking because I’m in a road not knowing the way to use, to reach home – the sane side.

This world and life in it, is the enhancer and promoter of my {Sanity and Insanity}, facing all of this, all different planets in global, global earth, this world, where I am sitting down in a tiny room and trying to conquer it all in a page. Look at destruction, corruption, abuse, hate, crime, deprivation, starvation, all planets that turn on their axis to produce their toxic gas that elicits my {Sanity and Insanity}. I go insane burning with thought of why, just why alone is sufficient. So much energy consumed thinking what if things were different, no war between Palestine and Israel, no American policies, no HIV, no famine. Then its phase two of my deep inhaled thoughts and I find it upon myself to think of solutions. This huge food mountain in the west piling up because of over production of food and laws so strict about expiry dates, health is thrown out like shreds of paper. Why the food mountain couldn’t become level ground, balance? No-one would be hungry, of course what an insane, foolishly irrational idea.Religion is the letters that put my {Sanity and Insanity} in fatal shock. That beautiful word meaning faith, happiness, gain, worship, freedom and more importantly a link to save you from loss, and then I read criticism, ignorance, extremism, illiteracy about its beauty, imprisonment for its emancipation, hate for its love. I try and stay sane, far from dementia, by consoling myself that God is powerful enough to take care of his sweet embrace. He will take care of it and whatever catastrophe that is a hurricane, will be remedied by God, but extremism pushing our face of what we trust to drowning oceans, misleading, bombing, terrorising, fighting, tormenting, scaring, misleading, misleading and misleading, a word to drive me lunatic insane. I try and use all parts of my mind to think of ways to change half a mind of a person who doesn’t understand about Islam and I don’t care if I do go insane doing it.

It breaks my heart to see love breaking down, relationships finishing and lovers changing. It makes me weep to see road traffic accidents that could have been avoided, young children sad or lonely and women being abused in their homes. It sends me to misery, people being addicted to heroine and cocaine and not on God, a soul wanting to commit suicide, if only it tried to pray.It rocks my boat of {Sanity and Insanity} overboard and like Central Apnoea, I wonder should my illness be listed as a catastrophic occurrence in medicine.

Prophets pictures

(Wrote a long time back )
They’ve abused you treacherously,
Degraded you maliciously,
Plotted for your destruction surreptitiously,
And now they’re trying to excuse themselves badly,
For me they’ll always be un-forgiven,
Definitely-I looked on the news filled with curiosity,
But how I filled my eyes with terrible asperity,
Something small,
I thought to myself-Oh there is more to worry about than these pictures,
But then I couldn’t sleep that night –Images of horrific tablatures-
Who has you clenched mercilessly this second between their fingers?
Who’s saying ha ha ha, putrefyingly this minute?
Who’s deciding they’re just amazing –‘This is the perfect disease to use,not to waste or sequester’
Then I started to imagine how it all began,
They’re sitting in an office – sipping hot coffee,
It’s late and every one has gone home,
Except them and the whispering devil-Drawing and painting with malevolence,
Pencilling and rubbing, angling and curving,
Until they got it just right – lifted it up to admire,sat back and viciously smiled -
Proud of themselves the next morning in the meeting table,
Their work is being published –the majority of hands made it acceptable-
What terrifies and shakes me is slowly, actually quite rapidly now -
These heart-breaking pictures are circling -
First on 1 page of a rotten Danish newspaper –
It’s now virally infecting all types of technology-
Transported destructively from country to country-
Inoculated happily by those who show a respect/kindness deficiency-
Please be warmed by what your followers have done
Prophet Mohamed
I hope it will make you the tiniest bit happy -
The effort to clean up this shemozzle,
The shouts and cries, the protests and all other tries-
But it’s a sad and soul splitting world-

Mona Lisa - who are you?

An interesting site but for me I wonder about the emotion of Mona Lisa.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Questions in my mind?

Why did all the greatest Love stories ever told end with heartbreak? Does True true love always have pain? Tristan & Isolde, Henry Tudor and Anne Boleyn, is it always pleasure and pain? Why do I love watching these heartbreaking love stories? make them my favourite?Why are they always in my head? is it better to love, no matter what the consequences are? no matter how bad the ending is going to be? to taste love and feel it? or is it better to not go through all the pain? to stay protected?

There is a last time for everything - Could you ever know that was the last time for something? The last time you did something? The last time you saw someone, someplace - would you remember the last times?

Where is the best place to see the best sunrise, the most beautiful sunset, and to watch a full moon gazing down on you? where in the world is the best place?

When you sleep, does God take your Life momentarily? what happens? does he review what you've done, does he think about putting you back to life, or not, does he rewind your breath? what happens. Truly, when you go to sleep?

Could I ever convince someone of the true meaning and beauty of Islam? could I ever be..influential, inspirational, and make someone want to be Islamic, be in love with Islam? what would I say to conjure up that love in someone? or just, make them begin it and them to conjure it up for themselves, because it is from their own heart?

What does it feel like with rain falling down on you somewhere amongst the deepest nature of Sudan, the most throbbing part with beauty, of hidden mountains and huts, trees and deer, with nothing but the sound of rain, the sound of nature and the sound of your best friend, your lover?

Why does something once so important to you, stop being important? does that mean it wasnt so important in the first place? if you knew you would change your mind about how important it was, would you still have important - ised it in the first place? would you have done your absolute best to keep it important to you? or would you have stopped knowing that things would change? love from being so important to somebody, can become not so great, faith after meaning the only important thing in life can become not so important, loss after being nothing important can become all that there is?

Is there such a thing as a good addiction? all addictions are bad? if you are an addict on something could it ever give you meaning rather than loss? or is everything in balance truly the best? but isnt living your life for soemthing that you are addicted to, passionate about, makes it more adventurous? or does it make it dangerous? but isnt dangerous exciting? should you live your life with safety or danger? should you have an addiction? a good addiction? something that you just cannot live without? or should you never convince yourself of such a thing at all?

Will there ever be a film made that entails love and islam together? i mean 2 lovers who are so in love but they are also islamicly in love? - a love story - a faithful love story, that is a good love story? - one that remembers limits but where you can see that their love for each other has no limits, no boundaires, no stop -yet they must - because Islam is stronger in their hearts more than enything else? - can there ever be a love story made like that?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Cecialia Ahern - Favourite books

This is a story of a strange realistic fairytale - fantasy yet reality, unimaginable and unexplainable only in a dream, yet believable in your heart -

This book is one of the rare love stories in that the idea has not occured in a film or book that I have come across anyway. It is full of amazing emotions and contains a different type of pleasures and pains that last throughout a lifetime in the characters life as we are taken through their mysteries of friendship, timing, fate, coincidences and ... True Love.
There are other books
A place called here
P.s I love you -- Now a film
If you could see me now

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Changin Lyrics - 'Aint no sunshine'

New idea where I imagine different words in the place of the present lyrics of songs that I love -

Song - Aint no sunshine
Singer - Emily King

Aint no sunshine when he's gone
It's not warm when he's away
Aint no sunshine when he's gone
And he's always gone too long
Anytime he goes away

Changed to:

Memories they come and go
Memories - my heart wants to show
Memories they wana flow
And flow and flow and flow
Anytime you are away

Everything you mean to me
Is so much more than you can see
But i want to tell you how i feel
So your heart i can feel
Hmm i want to steal your heart

I want to make you mine
You make me feel divine
I want to be with you
Oh i love you
You know that I do

Let me into your dreams
show me all your hidden screams
help me with my crying tears
save me from my fears
stay with me, my dear

Monday, April 14, 2008

Young Women of Sudan

Echoes in my mind_ ( Who should I be?)

You must close your eyes and relax
Think before you speak
Think before you think
stretch out your arms and listen to your heartbeat
Discover your soul
Travel within your open boundaries of what you mean to you
Get a rhythm of focus
And dedicate peace instead of confusion for you
Relax before you decide
Understand when you examine your life
At this moment in your life
you belong to you and no one else
you belong to freedom and good memories
Breathe without traffic of congested fears
Sleep with clear dreams
Wake up to a new day
Where true love is here to stay

So take your time
In finding you
In knowing your courage and your coloured shadows
Use the hours to recharge with identity
Not misery
Smile to your kindness
Appreciate your opinions
Adore your beauty
Respect your religion
Fall in love with your faith
Be yourself

Friday, April 11, 2008

قال حجاب قال Hijab? - A Devils Love

This series is so interesting, educational and most of all intimidating to the heart and mind of what a devils love really is - wicked and evil - and falling to our weakness and bad intentions are only the beginning of a losing desperate road if we ever do fall in love with a devils love -
Nothing makes us feel more helpless, and so torn apart, broken down and lost than listening to the devil-
Nothing is more harder than fighting the temptation to give in to whatever seems so reasonable and lustful at the time - but deep in our goodness we know its a powerful lie, defeat of a challenge - and nothing is less attractive than a quitter
This battle we should never give in to- to win ourselves and not let this fake devils love win us over temporarily and we need to prove to ourselves the meaning and loyalty that we hold internally, and keep our souls strong and clean for God to see.

I was really moved by this series called - abaleeso and I hope it will be a striking truth for young people to learn from (THIS IDEA AND THE REST OF THEM) -

Hijab is one of the most beautiful aspects of the islamic religion -

This is a poem called Diamonds and Pearls that describes with true depth and creativity the beauty of Hijab

Lost in Love

I love, love so much
I love to love
It’s funny how I love it so much
How I dream it
Desire it
Want it
How I can't stop thinking about it
Yet I can't trust it
And I don’t believe in…it
So many wrong visions in my head
I feel like I’m hurt already even though I’m not
But I am
Somewhere deep inside all I can think about is loves rejection to me
It doesn’t love me the way I love it so much
If it did… it wouldn’t break my heart like this
It wouldn’t make me feel this ugly
But then maybe it is not loves fault
Maybe it’s just mine
I don’t know
But I do know I’m crying right now
And my tears are clouding my vision

Maybe of the future
Maybe of the past
Maybe of the present
Maybe to tell me something

Love is not for me, a sentence that leaves me shattered in pieces…

Black market of love
Hidden complex treasures behind walls of arguments
I’m sold the fake soft touch of your bruises that dent – my soul
Given blows of fury as profits of my tears never dry
And my pains increase and rise
To the waking contracts of our poisoned sunrise
Breaking together - where is the contract that signed my tragedy
In this relationship of calamity bringing up a storm to clatter
Any piece of peace left for me -
To figure it out
How to get out
I want to get out

You could say it is the start of love and the end is fast

Lost is nearly cost but the L's of living and life, kick the C of confusion

Living on slender terms... with you

Letting our spaces travel... apart

We are lost beyond our way, over galaxies that are next door

I can make slots from lost

the slot of my memories - where you used to be

cramming me

my mysteries fooling me

my blackness winning me

Lost is ... lots

I can feel lots of wasting of time

and shedding of unecessary tears

I see lots of lost -

days in my soul.

My Islamic vision

Islam is one of the most conquering religions not of terrorism but of beauty and calm. Unique with its adaptations to modernity; those people with an attitude of falseness have reviewed it to be a religion of non required history, un revivable beauty, old with its lack of charm and magical prosperity. They have made the religion lose its expensive identity of magic and glamorous ease. Some people only see irrelevant hardness in its core when truth is - it is flickering with open doors of sweet chances and growing opportunities. People have changed its flexible aura to a strong metal of boredom.

If I lose my path – everything becomes depressing and repressing – my soul takes me to blackened times and even though I realize it’s all wrong – I can't change my mind because I’ve forgotten the strength of Islam that was my back – its friendship that gave me advice of love – Islam was the hope given to me from above – like eyes shining on that broken path – if I remember Islam my footsteps stop being confusing –they stop being refusing - I take them like they were second nature – no more wrestling with an unhelpful map of misunderstanding – Islam is the understanding before me

The softest meanings that I could interpret –coming from the branches of Islams encouragement - feeding me this ripened freshness – to get by in this crazy rotting world – Islam listens to my needs like it is some part of me – It feels like it’s the winning beat from my heart – twin of my identity – which is why when I forget Islam, its equivalent to losing my identity – everyday falls out of the equation of balance – and more and more, I become lost in a jargon of arrogance – wasting my time flushing my use down the drain – giving up my strength in vain – fighting with truth and only seeing pain –

Islam is my music to wake with and live by –– I am so at ease – than when I thought I could get by on my own –

I feel like...

I feel like being morning

being enveloped by the dew of the colds answer on earth

freshness existing softly with no mistakes. Just nature

I feel like being rain

washing down my pain

and soaking in the mysteries of the heart

into a corner dropping underground forgotten tears

I feel like being silence

so I can think purely

my own thoughts - would not consume me

my fears would not absorb me

my drama would not kill me

with its loudness of darkness

I feel like being sweet perfume.. on the neck of a newborn

young days can still be counted on one hand

moments are still unripe

and my smell is innocent to touch

I feel like being a hope

for somebody to see

and someone to be

in knowledge that I am present

to give them a chance

I feel like being the most romantic melody

so I can lead lovers

into their right positions

of dance and devotion

so I can remind them of their connection

and let them show their true affection

I feel like being a good memory

for someone to cling onto on a bad day

when giving up is so close

and they've got feelings of remorse

they think of me and it will be alright

they will continue to fight

I feel like being a strong friendship

full of honesty and smiles

youth never dies

I would be on the street of happiness

walking all the time leading to the light

I feel like being a prayer

so praying would be in me

and I could inspire peoples love for kneeling

to the one above watching

I feel like being a new day

one that is here to stay

help in my way

never go away

I feel like being a tear

because sadness collects and is driven far

down the cheeks of misery and beyond the faintest star

I feel like being a chance

to start again

to begin when

I need to

I feel like being a wish

and coming true for eyes to glisten

and hands to fumble

and laughter to erupt!

I feel like being clean

in my heart and in my mind

in my days that find me

and my nights that hug me

and my clothes that shape me

and my moments that make me

I feel like being me.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Life in Ransom...Want Love?

Want Love? is around the centre because this is what everyone wants

Then piece of your heart is around the centre because positively or negatively this

is what you give- a piece of your heart

When you do this a mixture of everything occurs -

some good... some bad

Life in Ransom...Free

Life in Ransom... Find yourself

Different in style .. perfect in style

Original shade..centre success
Very real nerve
Honour your maximum self
Surround yourself
Award yourself first
Self relationships
Beautiful face born
Reach out more
Lovely jigsaw
Face demon and damage

Life in ransom...Hijabology

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Wedding Vows 1... The film

This is a new idea - These are the wedding vows from the film - 'Madea's family reunion' and making some nice, romantic, sweet meaningful and beautiful wedding vows like these ones - I would love to do -
Even though my handwriting is bad, I will do them in handwriting because it is more meaningful, special and natural - just like wedding vows should be.

Life in Ransom...What is appealing to men?

So many things. But the ones in the yellow parts of the page (up and down), are and will remain the most important in a woman that should appeal to men. The rest is what gets mixed up. it is still appealing like 'wanted' and 'Fire' but it is understood wrong and given too much identity. The picture is strong in that it captures the mans strong attraction to this woman but to me the woman looks tired - Woman sometimes become 'invisible' to a man while once she was so appealing and unresistable -

Words on yellow parts of the page -
Wait (waiting for the right thing)
Beautiful (in mind and body)
Anything but ordinary

Life in Ransom... Not in Love

I Am Not in Love ... But I am bare to my dreams, Romance and Heartbeats.
This is for the times confusion arises whether I feel Love or something else. I have come to establish that Love is too strong a word to use frequently - and even if I think i feel it, it doesn't mean i felt right - so it is not Love - I'm bare to dreams - dreams are irresistable and romance - romance is just as strong as Love - if not a definiton of it just under another name - but i am bare to romance - and heart beat - i cant control my heart beating to whatever - so im bare to that too.

Friday, April 4, 2008

The courage to Love

The courage to love
It takes courage to love again
When you've been hurt
It takes pain and strength again
to pack it all away
in all the pain
somebody has to have the courage
to be ok
he gives me courage
to Love
(This is taken from the film, Madea's family reunion by Tyler Perry spoken by vanessa in the 'poets and painters' night when she went out with Franky.)

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -