Saturday, January 30, 2010

funeral days...

let me give you an insight into the dispensary of time
as I look out into the questions and answers i find
that the compatibility within myself is tokened by the tickets of the day

times passed and crept
into the fate of burial
into the gate of heaven

I ask time
what is behind the midnight of white
what is in front of the morning of fridays wells of tears and angels being afraid
what is coming to the three links ...the genes just lost
yet imprinted in eyes, ears and nose
smiles and bodies
running throughout yards of woven intervention of consolidating
the future

electric solitude sends messages across oceans
''I am choking''
Too many people
too many people misunderstanding everything
Too many people misunderstanding everything I ever knew

5 years, 10 years, 15
exactly 15
consequence kills
destiny drills its presence
in the quiescence of a verandas uptake of a funeral
walls swollen with screams
pillars holding evenings of dinners so women could fill their sorrow
and the same tomorrow
beds taken and faking
henna comes alive too into the unhappiness
as her hands fade into forever none
others come sparkling wedding ones


my memories scream

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Lost? Lose the word

..simplicity implicates the heartbreak of your loved ones , yourself getting smaller and madder... revolving suddenly into a pinpoint of destruction alienating a human being from health to catastrophical ....LOSS - others cry and try to save you but since you are there and no longer here ...with us, what is the point in taking measures of peace - for war of a body is anatomically viscious and revenging the physiology of payback, of seperated anger , twisting how a soul cannot concentrate and a mind cannot think for the body has ripped apart the connection of a man.... tired of the losing grace of sanity.

I speak for myself now
No more loss
the delicious concentrate of a near end
No more lack of control
the bliss of arrogance
No more Lost under control
for that is the same equation
it is the same prediction
To unfaithful regret

Sunday, January 3, 2010

I...must need a new mind

God , I have so much to say
but It doesn't come out
its a problem lately
I promised I would start the year
imaginatively ..ok
I never usually am so weak
thinking where the wind blows me
HAVE felt this feeling before
KNOW why everything is so silent
the trivial consequences of my outer speeches and inner madness
combining in a futile despair to look good and ..romantic
for someone, something I don't even
opened the door
after a 1023 attempts to blindly discreetly subtly look normally the one
for a gentle name I heard
through waves of telephone lines and simple amenities
I wanted to know the truth
to see and hear the disparity of time
intentionally drunk with plans
smiling and showering my inner romances
ones I had hidden so long
ones that
over watching heaven and earth combine to form magnificent love stories
ones that disperse out of emotional truth
out of aching want and desire that brings happiness
lost with understanding
when I was old I was young
I feel young with immaturity and lack of control
the position of becoming aspired
the position of feeling wanted
the place of finding your place
the way to have control
over a heart
its not like this
waiting for what?
wanting what?
I could be 5 or less with silly thinking
cannot stop the impatience and sucking on sweetened future
tasting the dreams coming true
like I

Saturday, January 2, 2010

I... must want this

I... have never felt like this
I want to be calm and spiritul
like..this was meant to be
and I know
of beautiful romances under gazing suns and moonlight
already scripted
...flawless with doubt
I feel I can't stop myself from being silly
I want this to be real
real real
not fake real!
I want this to be mine
iwant to take care of it like a precious jewel no one has ever found
I want this to be non invaded
even by me
for I a mthe greatest enemy
I am weak
I am impatient
I am .... unknown
I want this

Mujaddidun by Amr Khaled

This is a new program , it is a very meaningful inspiring imaginative new introduction to reality tv - that has a purpose to change lives and countries and provide new meaning to Islam and faith. I cannot wait to watch it , another of Amr Khaleds inventions and I hope I will learn from it a lot - it is on Dubai television starting Friday the 8th January 2010 at 10.30 Dubai time

Friday, January 1, 2010

I...must say sorry

I scrape to escape with my fingernails the sound of my frustrations

my insides scream for a resolution that I know I just will not find

not now

but my mind acts stubbornly to carress my deepest fears

my heart attempts blindly to recover the insanity of future proposals

details integrate into disintegrated pain

I am looking over my shoulder and over the stars for this

I am looking about my life and into the clouds to see


white smoke natural sets into my neighbour hood

whisking me with romantic embedded cold

I am


with minus 6 degress of new year questions




this is int love

this is ...unknown



I've been


I've been cunningly beautiful

I've been plaited with dreams

each strand .....

getting it wrong

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -