Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Eed 1_A new day

Today..is a new day
filled with red velvet and silver
methods of tommorrow
lavish scents of anticpitaion and love
I am apart
of a wonderful time
I am apart of an honest creation
today is a beautiful day
filled with sweets of heaven
opened with colours of sky happy to sing
sunrise means firstly come
into a world of new
into a day happy
Today is a happy day
EED Mubarak
with Love

Monday, August 29, 2011

Ramadan 28_ The end

His voice  translates all my emotions into tears
the words rythym into moments where I belong and this time is correct
for me
sounds fury why my soul is not sound
when it should be found

The memories glisten of a past present today
enfolding as I am apart
of the finishing of the Quran

The imam creates a way into a new space a new passion
where I want to read forever
where I want to stand for all eternity
where I want to be with me again

I understand my pain
I know my reasons for disgust
are they all going to go?

his voice rejoices in Allah's power
in Allah's purity and mercy on us
I realise my battle is with me alone
for Allah will forgive me
it is I that must forgive myself
I realise that it is my soul that I can control
for here I am ....crying
tears of joy, fear? want? desire? wrong? right?

so many emotions
one feeling
I must forgive to be forgiven
 I must forgive and believe in forgiveness
I must be strong about forgiveness

Ramadan forgives
and offers you a new day in thefirst day of your life
forgive me dear God
Forgive me
small andbig
secret andaloud
forgive my sins
ugly and mean
ugly and mad
ugly and sad
forgive me

I want to feel like i truly belong with his voice
the beauty in the strength of his knowledge
I feel embarrasssed
I should know these ayas
What have i been doing?
what have i been learning?
look look what people can achieve?

His voice never falters
his voice never clouds
his words only rise and rise
and I feel empowered jealous
that I did know of this heaven before hand
that I did not share this trust and purity before hand

Dear GOd
do not letmeleave Ramadan without forgiving me
Dear God
Forgive me
Dear God
have mercy on me./................

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Ramadan 23_The Falling

The falling of time
words transcend into air
and I care
never to become the past again

The falling of prayer
It's all a new chapter
of love for the one above
no more congestion of feelings

The falling of whispers
my heart knows its way
as  continue to pray
for days
creative of mystery and I say

Dear God
Forgive me
Really inspire me
and let me be the one I dream of
for happinness is wthin me
and forgiveness begins today

The falling of truth
I lose all the weight of lies
my mind is clear
and I will not fear anything but him

The falling of power
of the devils tower
when he comes back
he will never live here again

The falling of speed
for my life is a slow melody
of whatver God has in plan
I am a fan
of his divinity

The falling of me
the one with a heavy sin fee
and the rising of me
the one that was meant to be
the one that was meant to be free

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Ramadan 20_ Nighttime words

It's 1.21 Am she sits in the middle of a home all darkened and sleeping yet a light is the lamp of one where she finds the light into words that last forever. Her lips speak softly as she turns pages and pages of love, and identity. The creator. The maker. THe bounty of things.
Her body is in tune now , her mind is a sync with life. Her eyes keep slowly erasing the shadows of mistakes in the past her ears can imagine sounds of old cities and towns, of people young and old wrapped as one with her ....in the explanations , i nthe heavens the scareams of their hell the power of their stuborness the anger in their regret the beauty in their rewards - people all different types.... as she continues the journey of reading in the middle of the night in once upon a ramadan... she wonders what people she is
what time she is
what era she is
what forgiveness she can get
her memories must fall
her future must begin
she begins to hope that this is the first day of the rest of her life
that this is the first night of a new voice
a voice that will not sleep to ugliness
that will not faulter truth.............
A young girl....awake i nthe world
amongst millions and millions of other people all asking for the same things
Validation from the one the all mighty the merciful the kind

Ramadan 20_ THe Beginning of the end....

Dear God
Today I ask you for a day off
a day off from all the questions that have no answers
a day off from all the problems that keep tormenting me
from all the pain that keeps closing in

I ask you for the day off from all my angers
all my fears that consume me
and overload me with the tiredness of a million hour shift

I ask you Dear GOd
to give me a day off from all my drama
from all my thoughts good or bad
damaging or new
new or old
long or short
 Ias kyou for......Silence
I ask you for the sound of heaven
I ask you for determination to succeed
I ask you for conquest to become .....one with myself
to find myself
to discover the intensity of my true nature

I as k you god to give me a day off from life
from reality
from normality
and take me in to the magical words of your Quran
into the whispers and the drawings of history and future
and my present is present to the core

I as k you to give me the day off and only let me be


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Ramadan 16- Morning Prayer

Dear God
in this day and everyday let me lead the right way
let me believe in mysself
let me get lost in thought only in you
let me calm after thinking of you
let me stop the riots in my head
let me start a lyric of love

Dear God in this day and everyday from now on
let any hardship get taken by strength
let any fear get taken by patience
let any worries get taken by beauty
let any bad whispers let taken by the loudness of a good soul


Monday, August 15, 2011

Ramdan 15_ coming home....

Dear God
Thank you for bringing Ramdam into mylife
like the joy of the newborn into the world
I have something to take care of
deeply, everyday
Thank you for bringing me the love i Need
everyday I feel Im getting a little stronger
like I'm Picking up the broken pieces of my heart and putting them back together
like I'm winding back the time I've lost
like I've pulled the rope of hope I've left loose
suddenly life gets smaller and the heavens ge larger
suddenly the sky becomes filled with all sorts of beautifl colours for me to look up to
wonderful glass rythyms of the next life start to ask from me in this life
all the angels I can feel torment me to get better
to become better
all the devils away from me die to see their damage repaired

I feel so sad that I was not cleaner at times
I was not dependant on his grace rather dependant on facts and realistic normality
no This is the beauty of Ramadan..........
Life becomes for the eternal the magic
life becomes an organ to die for the end
life becomes a miracle to create your paradise
draw your epic magnitude of your journey tommorrow in to the stars
fill out the gaps of time andrun into heaven
this is the beauty of Ramdan
Life becomes interesting
becomes magnified for true reasons
the real reason Life is here
Life becomes tamed yet yourdreams start to grow
 the dreams t hat truly create the road to love
the dreams that truly ou have been searching for
Life becomes for the words sentt down for you to read and understand andlive by to die for
Life becomes for the reasonable priced most expensive feelings
feelings of your soul becoming yours again
feelings of your life becoming understood again
feelings of problems given to the probelm solver again
I trust you to help me and save me for this is the  month I regain my love in you I regain my faith once more
I neverwnat to lose it
so I am regaining all that is lost for al time to come

Monday, August 1, 2011

Ramadan 1 -Written for you

Flow into my heart, Ramadan Flow into my mind
heal me and become my life
 I ask for you to come into my door
even though you might not want to for I am cold
But I beg  you to enter and warm my heart
until you heal me and and I can start
looking at life beautiful again
Looking at the wrong and making it right
Looking at truth and forgetting lies
Taking each day with a hope to erase
all the past days......
Please Ramadan give me a chance
you are the friend I've been waiting for all year
waiting for to change
waiting for to think
waiting for to learn
Please Help me in everything I do
please help me in everything I say

Cleaning the past...... Ramadan 1

I clean my body from the poison of normality
Iwipe my heart from the whispers of insanity
time and time again but now time is worthwhile
simple things are precious and so life has meaning
life has beauty
today I prepare my life with Love
with patience
with meaning to be set free
I ask God to forgive me
and it makes sense
all I 've done
needs to be forgiven
All I've seen
needs to be forgotten
all I've heard needs to be fasted away.........
and so today is the first .....clean away
of dirt in the soul and pain in the mind
of twists of identity and breaks that I find
I find - all these breaks every second now that I have time to think .......
I find terribl ideas that have harvested within me
grown and grown until they have darkened any door to paradise
until today when I look all i see is thorns
 thorns of my mistakes thorns of my weaknesses thorns of my disgust thorns of my impatience my slugishness
and the more I look the more I see
I see how I've left myself behind to get pricked my all these uncut thorns
I see how Ive left myself fall - call and not be heard
I see how I've left myself behind and stopped taking care of myself
and so today is day 1 and all I see is ......How raw I really am

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -