Saturday, August 20, 2011

Ramadan 20_ Nighttime words

It's 1.21 Am she sits in the middle of a home all darkened and sleeping yet a light is the lamp of one where she finds the light into words that last forever. Her lips speak softly as she turns pages and pages of love, and identity. The creator. The maker. THe bounty of things.
Her body is in tune now , her mind is a sync with life. Her eyes keep slowly erasing the shadows of mistakes in the past her ears can imagine sounds of old cities and towns, of people young and old wrapped as one with her ....in the explanations , i nthe heavens the scareams of their hell the power of their stuborness the anger in their regret the beauty in their rewards - people all different types.... as she continues the journey of reading in the middle of the night in once upon a ramadan... she wonders what people she is
what time she is
what era she is
what forgiveness she can get
her memories must fall
her future must begin
she begins to hope that this is the first day of the rest of her life
that this is the first night of a new voice
a voice that will not sleep to ugliness
that will not faulter truth.............
A young girl....awake i nthe world
amongst millions and millions of other people all asking for the same things
Validation from the one the all mighty the merciful the kind

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -