Saturday, August 20, 2011

Ramadan 20_ THe Beginning of the end....

Dear God
Today I ask you for a day off
a day off from all the questions that have no answers
a day off from all the problems that keep tormenting me
from all the pain that keeps closing in

I ask you for the day off from all my angers
all my fears that consume me
and overload me with the tiredness of a million hour shift

I ask you Dear GOd
to give me a day off from all my drama
from all my thoughts good or bad
damaging or new
new or old
long or short
 Ias kyou for......Silence
I ask you for the sound of heaven
I ask you for determination to succeed
I ask you for conquest to become .....one with myself
to find myself
to discover the intensity of my true nature

I as k you god to give me a day off from life
from reality
from normality
and take me in to the magical words of your Quran
into the whispers and the drawings of history and future
and my present is present to the core

I as k you to give me the day off and only let me be

ME

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -