Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Pages of home 2

I reside in the moon's sunlight, the cold warmth of this country's enigma tickling my cracked harsh nivea scented skin. Playback of african stories rewind in the tape of my nationality as I transform black beauty nights into museums of thoughts. Peaceful to be here, my heart is a chaotic rythm with the balance of this interrupted yellow taxi traffic. I "feel" at home; my response touched by sensations magnified - incorporated as one into my destiny. Becoming as one in an open world of ghostly dreams, my soul awakens to the haunted nature of a defeated nation. The smells of dinner starve through the night, complicated doors lock down with a fight, hiding under rubbles of the day waiting for a new light. Metals of corruption rattle through injuries of desert space, blood sheds invisibly for an accident of freedom, and I listen to the magically conjured sudan staring in a mirror at a broken kingdom.

Friday, December 14, 2007


Take back time and rubble this unleashed hurt
Change my burning mistakes into ashes of dirt
That can be swept into memories and washed away by time
Forget this nuisance of betrayal in my mind
Moments of unreasoned clock ticking
And it burst in my face to show me an hour I have never seen of taunting seconds
With coldness, blindness and extreme supreme – of failure
It ran through my veins like it was a part of me
And I couldn’t dilute it down or antidote its maximum intensity
It kept growing to blind me
Until failure glowed from my eyes and I looked like the masterpiece of its title
I looked unwise covered with a domain of complete immaturity
Crying with tender foolishness, I couldn’t roll back the tears and hide them
They disturbed the normality of my motion and created disaster of creations
They were the probability in the equation of my broken session
I was a helpless monster checked upon by the guards of wiseness to tie down this dirty beast
Unsterilized equipment was the symphony of my irresponsible breath
Too low a filling of peace, over filled horrors of crime
The street lamp faded and the murders of success rolled onto the screen
Tip toed all over – the panoramic high definition LCD monitor of my shambled chance
I tore the chance into ripped P.oorness
I could get nothing more should be getting less
But my eyes deceived me and I considered to lie -
But I was too weak to try
I was too stolen to be found
I was too shocked to steady my ground
I was too rubbish to be perfumised into success
I was too war to be made into peace
I was too mixed up to be shown clearly
And now I’ve lost pieces of me that I’m going to miss deeply

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Far away soldier

Your brown eyes conquer the desert of my night
Tempting me to fall at the dusk of your heartbeat
Where soft whispers of your kindness breathe through the land
In the twilight of deviations, I run my life in your palm like wind in the sand
Lost amongst layers of your soul
What colors lie in the highway of your dreams
Mysterious pearl in the oceans cavity of my world
Shining in the blackness, closing the emptiness I was once sold
Your far away distance, glistens in the shade
I’ll never forget you, you never fade
The streets melt underneath your courage
Traveling the darkness unafraid of your sorrow
Enchanted by your tribal mystery,
I am devoured within the spell of becoming your destiny
The darkness of the tropical night asks you my fate,
Under the monsoon droplets of falling romance, you must save me before it’s too late

Raining to the shadows of the morning,
Puddles of temptation soak from your heart to drain me
In the captivation of a whirlpool lust, I break to the gale of your breath that bares me
The circumference of the black passion storm -
You enclose me in my natural territory of the corners of your mind
The earth shatters gold as your footsteps delve into the solitude of my kind

We become an army
Of a silk fantasy
Your fingertips caress the stories of my tears
Your armor captures and imprisons my fears
The cracks on my skin faint and whisper
The pain from my sole/soul forgets to linger
Cultivating the freedom you plant in me
My king, you have offered me nourishment, to the highest degree -
I absorb your power and I am magnified with a raw disturbance
Empowering me with enough existence I can feed this fragile dry ground
I cease being discovered as I have been found

Far away soldier your body becomes nearer than my dreams
Your light fastens down the wolves of my screams
Surviving on your harmony my heart beats to the rhythm of being your wife
You will be master of my indulgence every second of my life
I melt in your arms as we lie over the equator
My color runs into your touch
You kiss my emotion blazing in a rush
I love you so much…..

Faith Crisis_(In the process of falling)

The treadmill of goodbye runs me through a lost energy
Syncopated breaths of truth fall within an unfit destiny
But I need to change all weak memory
And become someone I dreamed to be with a cause
Driving myself in the tiredness of the break
I must go on; I must continue a challenge of individuality
In a street of blankness and forgotten sake
Re occupy the battle of not feeling fake
Hospitable problems awaken my fears
Sweating painful jogs of tears
The cycle of swimming trepidations
Only drown me in a pool of determination
To pull my chin to the sky
And not say goodbye to the DSD Dreams, Strength, Determination

The devil tries to stir me away from peace, organization and a fulfilled beauty shining from my soul. Always now it is darkness, blackness and fear. I am not anywhere near asking to go to heaven, yet time flies and lies and before u know it its too late. It’s a dangerous temptation to pretend I am good, white heart, green pastures on my side of actions. Looking without the rose speckled glasses there is famine in my smile, deeds of greed, shortage of strength.

I want to write about how god has saved me from so much, given me aid and helped me break through shells and shells of disaster. I want to write about the invisible closeness, the clear kindness he has reassured me with. Yet now I am bored from asking, bored with trying to show him I care.

All I do is tell him to scribble my name out from his love.

It's time to go back to the day I changed, that day is crucial - like an exam I must attend – I must go back to that day when I used to be in love with my faith and not just getting by.

(To be continued.)

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Echoes in my mind_(what difference does it make?)

What difference does it make?
This generation has the fate of separation
The seas transform into years and equations unsolvable
Between the imaginations of our hearts and our souls impenetrable
The brightness of the future hides in despair
Machines of love broken beyond repair
Old to the fashion of passion
My trend is a foreign uniform
My eyes are encores to madness
My dreams are the realms of exposed conjugations between right and wrong, ability, eternity, beauty, I dream in my dreams of finding keys to stainless steel doors locked with broken images.
What difference does it make?
I study you in the chapter of my world
But fail in the exam of reaching out to your marking scheme of things
Religion V Modernity V Beauty V Country V Identity V Being alone in the cold romantic weather of Africa.

Stop thinkin about u

I’m so sick of writing sad words
Writing about broken down love
A love that can never happen, must be said to not exist
It’s trapping me like I’m being suffocated
I’m tired of describing something that can never be translated
I should have a life where u don’t come in it, u don’t fit
You’re a wrong jigsaw puzzle, a mistaken key
You should not be
I’m lonely from my imagination of having you near
I’m reading myself in a future of creative disaster
And even though I don’t want to write about you
You clog up my fantasies, inspirations and lines
Like hypnotizing my sentences
I want to write about so much more
I want to think about so much more
Like economies and infrastructure
Tragedies and culture
Break down stereotypical sculptures
Take miraculous adventures in predisposed settings
I want to take my destiny to another level – where there’s no netting in front of my eyes
I want to fight condescending lies, write about my tries
Waste time stamping out the darkness before it prevails
Yeah I want to be a hero
Flying or healing, it’s like writing about meaning
I want to waste time helping and teaching
Teaching me – to stop wasting tears over you
I want to write about hopes and dreams
Of the poor and the lost
In fatal accidents of being invaded by war and flooded with irreplaceable fears
I want to put my country into letters
Fix up solutions to make it better
All the wrongs and the invasion of betrayal
Damaged portrayal of life
I want to write about the Nile, its musical flow rhythmical through the land
Papers of tomorrow in the sand, I don’t want them to be washed away
The shadows of tomorrow must stay
I want to write about my faith in malaise
Stepping in an agitated phase
Gods love in delay to the meeting with my revolutionary madness
I hate how I react to the peaceful unity in my soul
I ask to fall in prescribed algorithms of screams
I fall in the delusions of haunted cold dreams, wrapped in a beauty of unawareness and blinding spells of true love – the cover of poison but encrypted romance from the stars.
And I want to write about how I need to be picked up
From hell in my cells
Lost in the tranquility of my anxiety
I want to shake off my distances and repair my close torn analogies
Of heaven and earth, of the truth and the lies, of love and you, of me and you
Patent smears of impossibilities
What does it all mean?
I want to discover my past so I can envisage the future
Close up all wounds and open sutures
I want to find my space and lace together forgotten questions
Write heavy answers and be a witness to myself and my identity
Stay up late in the movie of my dreams to find the end

I want to write about anything except you
Except the way you make me feel, how I see you
How I think about you all the time
It’s a delicious disease of thought
I’m ahead of wanting you
More like desiring the temptation to not resist you understanding me under a fulfilled moon.
But most of all I want to write about not losing confidence,
In laws, in goodness, in me
I want to write about the remedies that heal loneliness
The colored lights that stop darkness shining through
It’s all in me, all on me - the lacking miracles
The weak strength
I want to write strength coming back
In generations, in lovers, in seasons of friends and episodes of populations
The strength in me,
The courage in my heart

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Letters of his name

Khalid Ibn Al Waleed- one of the most couragous soldiers of islam -
K- The kavass of your god, he knew he needed you,
So he en-linked you to him strongly, making you such an important fragment of his message admiringly.

H- I hallowed you more and more everyday,
Exalted you because of everything that you did.
Soon, I couldn’t keep it enshrouded within me any longer,
Wanted to tell everyone how I valorised you.

A- How I wanted your work to be put abask,
but maybe too ensphered in my love for you,
I never once came to the realisation that people could abhor you.

L- They put your history in Labefaction, but
I tried my best to exculpate you from what they were saying.

I- How could they say you were ignoble?
When you were privileged enough to be called ‘Seef allahi almaslool’.

D- I Imagined how in daylight the sun dancing in your eyes,
You rode your horse galloping with a deafening sound of courage,
Fighting against those trying to damnify your religion.

I- How amongst your friends and family you must have walked illustrious,
But your strength you never used to abject them,
Your gift of power only preserved to aggrandise what you believed in,
The one god you knelt to everyday.

B- ‘Bismallah’ came out of your lips before everything you betook ,
And how especially before battle those two words gave you acuity,
Shielded you, you could never get embrangled.

N- No-one thought you were nefarious.
All they had in mind was that they needed you,
You became their necessity.
Nervousness would enter them if they felt you weren’t around them.

A-You were amiable and amicable to all,
Allocating for them the time and effort so you could help them,
And doing your best to alleviate them.

L-With your purity and astounding deeds you were luminiferous.

W- Only war-like in war,
You plunged onto the scene, grasping your weapon ,
enclasping that sword, its metal unidentifiable from you .

A- But leaving the Alecdama , you changed into a warm ,inviting man,
Benevolence abounding from your full heart.

L- Light of angels as you slept shone brightly on you,
But with vigilance so as not to wake you .

E- Your equanimity made your character glow,
Something you would find rarely .

E- Why would anyone want to embitter you ? Turn people’s views on you acescent?

D- I don’t know Dear Khalid,
the dignified ,devoted man.
I doubt I will ever one day feel the presence of someone who has a similarity in the smallest thing that embellished you but all I can do is dream and pray.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Echoes in my mind - (no axis)

Broken story, pages of tragedy, the chapter ends correctly with tears sung in a melody

Pain is cherished, love perished in the darkness and blackness of her hole of lies, hole of fears spinning into another realm of confusion and new type of hurt. Agonizing pricking truth sends the blood of the night into swirls of a mistaken epiphany; she turns her back to the shattered scene and thinks of the sweetness that evanesced into the chilling air. Her chest expands with the heartbreak - getting harder to keep the magnified loneliness quiet. She stumbles into her frozen reality realizing there is nothing more left to realize. Stripped down to a fake existence, she walks into the pathway of no return. There is no going back and she is lost in the pit of a merciless eternity. Here, she is a speckle of madness as the earth continues to revolve around its own axis sure of its control, but she has no axis; her head spins out of control, lost craze to dreaming, her internal blurring leaves her idly blind. The walkway is too small for her runaway -getaway from her crumbling today; she falls onto the foreign streets of her thoughts, falls on her bamboozled mind and cuts her heart, its veins bleed blue from deoxygenated happiness and she breathes shallow memories to keep her alive.

Monday, November 26, 2007

RE - defined soldier

In the freedom of captivity, you fall to the reigns of your visions and motivations. Held in a future loathed to religion and devoured by courageous modernity you are twisted in the blends of African American nativity though you are purely and full of bravery – Sudanese. Your heart calls to the deserts and the heat, molded by its warrior perseverance, it calls you to fight and you love the magical temptation of its strength, falling in its tranquility yet commanded by its need.

Yet the ice particle of the far away land connects you with a strange lifeless meaning you must enjoy. Even though the cold trembles at your emotions, your attitude is devotion towards this close freezing ground. Each step, each breath is nearer to your soul but each moment and each night throws you further into the pits of a foreign identity; this is not your home, this is not where you come from. But the resemblance it shows you to your opinions and your enjoyments are too much for you to resist, it’s too hard to quit now and become a leader or a soldier of your true deepest colors, too difficult to change now and turn into someone who worships hard work from your natural accord, much easier to follow a manufactured familiarity and suddenly the cold feels like it comes from home; you feel at home; home sweet home.

With an instant slowness there will come a day when you are too old to act the part. Internally you will be meaningless and to the outside it will always be too late to become one of them and too far back to be yourself. Most tragically, you will have lost yourself to the evolution of madness and weak knowledge of self status. Stuck in the realms of who you wanted to become and who you really are, your soul is kidnapped by the confusion, hung to a bigger picture of stereotypical betrayal.

I argue your case in my mind smashed by its superiority; I am uneducated for its complications. How do I convince you? How do I confront you? The questions judge me before I speak to my inner tears. I am a miniscule voice, a miniature meaning that can never have an effect on your intensity to live.

The other side of the story

Tired princess, coming from the ball
Her prince never showed, he let her fall
Dancing alone, she thought of his touch
But all over the dance floor, there was nothing as such
Neon lights and music fantasia
The DJ tricked her to forget his absence
Her feet hurt hung on a fake heart
She tripped into the night but he still wasn’t there to catch her
This torn princess knew she could never get ‘and they lived happily ever after’
So far away but she tried to send him her love
Maybe he would change and understand her beat
Then he’d want to be her prince, he’d want to swipe her of her feet
But back to the blaze of loneliness and electric guitar
She was empty in the crowd, she felt a dull star
Broken princess crashing from the sky
Damaged from the heartbreak comet that hit her as it jetted by
She swerved into the ball no time to recover the lie
That her prince was nowhere near, only near to goodbye
The disco ball shined on her sadness, her broken dreams flashed in the darkness
The princess was a concert of blackness
The taxi drove her home, rain on the windows, cold on her mind
Frozen thoughts on the road kept her blind
She passed the ice particles of her memories
The taxi took her along the corners of wishful extremities
The city tried to figure out the cause of her tears
As the red traffic lights stopped her borrowed carriage and awakened her fears
Midnight rhythms still echoed in her balance
Unbalanced princess fighting her deepest challenge
Twilight driveway to her fantasy
Her stolen prince on a highway leading to a different galaxy
She reaches the door to enter the open fallacy
Of cheap promises and sold out eternity
Dizzy princess on the pillow of her struggle, covered with the blanket of her despair
Her prince broke her heart beyond repair
She sleeps to the madness of her internal screaming
Closing her eyes to the other side of the story
Her prince won’t rescue her from reality’s glory
Magic doesn’t triumph and sweet kisses aren’t part of the end
Everything’s still wrong in the end

Random tragedy

A love forbidden
Its chance overridden
A speed accident of fate
All my ideas are too late

To try and convince you of something important
But am I convincing myself of all this and its wrong?
Mutated feelings and emotions dispersed to infect me?
Because I feel sick thinking of you so much

Do I believe too much?
That there is a hidden star in you
Not knowing what to do
What am I supposed to imagine
Until the memories in me die of famine
In the coast of broken down hope

I wish I could change to maybe change you
But dreaming is the virus in my soul
I can't find the cure so to you I fall

Deep in the depths of a creation of a story I write on the sky,
wanting it to fly and show you the end
I want to send everything in me
But u cannot see
That I don’t want to be without you
And I try so hard to find you

But its better this way
Not having you near
It would be too hard
So I'll just say -
I like writing about broken down love

And it’s not true
That I’m in love with you

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


I thought….
Because whenever….
My heart beat like….
It felt real as if….
It turned that….
I didn’t know how to…
I failed in letting you…..
So I tried to….
But nothing worked that could…..
And I found you….
And found myself….
So far apart

Echoes in my mind - (No, u don't understand)

I wanted you to see something else in me
Please don’t underestimate me
I’m afraid how wrong this is going to turn
When all I wanted was you to know
How u made me glow
But I was told over and over… and over
My mistake was in the depths of no return
I DID a huge mistake
Calling you
Calling you in my heart
I took too much from you
When u never wanted to give

The cold marches as soldiers in my body, engaged in a era of colonial trauma. Anguished and ambushed the freezing mentality of your refusal throws me in a battlefield of pain. I hide in the corners of my cries, fighting the swarm of enemies running to attack my defeat. I try and beat, try and win but it’s a sin, for my side to win. Troops of my love fall to the reign of your sternness, dictatorship of betrayal. My war is lead in the shadows of goodbye, a name to be forgotten by you, in the history of your romance.

I try and forget you
But all I do is remember
Its one thing figuring out the truth
Let it sink in the alleyways and pipes of my soul
That to your heart I can never call
And I hear from the distance the fates against my side
I needed something that you would never give me

I needed someone that is so far from me

Sunday, November 18, 2007


If we were
In different places
With different imaginations
Other inspirations
Turns and deviations
Would it be too strange a combination?
Walking along different paths
Holding keys that open strange doors
Would love between us never soar?
Too different to communicate
Too hard to appreciate
What it is we mean
Acting in different scenes
Our ideas too bizarre to blend
Our opinions too different to send
To each other
Broken from one another
By different states of mind
Different reasons leave us find
Your pain is mundane
Inaccessible to the lover in me
My eyes are insane
They can only explain
How different you are
Our words are crazy
Twisted and lazy
Into a difference neither of us can understand
Melting letters in the sand
From a far away stranger
I write a difference that washes away
In a heart that will never say
That difference is existence
Difference is familiarity of life
But to us,
Different is abandonment
Different is discouragement
Our souls can never meet
Without emptiness beneath our feet
And trepidations to walk upon
Our difference is a weapon
Armed and ready to launch

In a different night
Where the same stars shine
I ask to look into your eyes
And see something I believe
Someone I trust
And a promise to achieve
But in the dusty glazed sky
All I see is the weak reflections of my love to you
All I feel is the broken world of my dreams
Flying high to get away from the pain
The darkness beckons to rain
A dry reason why we should be together
Drowning in the river of my thoughts
I beg your soul for an answer
To cheat me through this cranky game
But you and I are not the same
And I can't language your foreign attitude to life
So I can't translate my fantasies to you
They all jam behind my miniscule voice
And clog to be sucked up by silence
Vacuumed to be lost forever
Because we are different - Forever

Saturday, November 17, 2007


They can take tomorrow and the plans we made

They can take our future and the stories we laid

They can take dampened whispers that we will never hear

They can take the safety that left us with no fear

They can take the strength we thought we could show

They can take the places we said we would go

They can take the nights we promised to keep

They can take the sun and leave darkness creep

They can take the dreams we were meant to share

They can take the love that was in our care

They can take the risks we said we would chance

They can take the moments we said we would dance

They can take the hope that grew in our heart

They can take the beginning, they can take the start

They can take us together and leave us apart

But they can’t take the memories I once saw real
They can't take the touch I always used to feel
They can't take the image of you in my mind
They can't take the soldier that was you, so soft and kind

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Besides here

Don’t know much about your life
But I know that you are just right
Don’t know much about your world
But I know that I trust your words
We don’t know about the past
But we know this is going to last
Jumping of the edge
A solid ground below
But with you, I know my heart can glow
Never fall, just flow
In a sky that is besides here
In a place that has no fear
Taking chances
I want to start with you
Taking chances
I always fall in love with you

In a dream, I commit to magnificence
And breathe in significance
Of taking chances
But not - here


Out in the highway of betrayal
And a corner shop that sells hurt
I hear the ticking of disaster
I hear the existence of never after
I never hear what I want to hear
I can never see what I want to see
What I want to feel
I only feel pain
I only see betrayal
And I only know to dream of something-
Besides here

What you call tragedy
Is just another day to me
This time is the last time
This nightmare is not fair
You break me and as I bleed
You never say you’re sorry
The last thread has come undone
To reveal what I’ve become
A victim of poisoned love
Afraid for too long
Afraid but now it’s gone
I’m taking back
All you took from me

Besides here
My heart is a melody
That I want to sing to you
Please be the soldier that I dream of
The soldier I so dearly love
The kindness in my world
And don’t change into something that isn’t you
This music in my head
So before I can forget
I never want you to regret -
Thinking to protect me
I never want you to get
Into something that cannot be
I couldn’t live
I couldn’t live without your love
For one kiss
Well I’d give everything up
There are no words that can describe
What I feel deep inside
So I let this song say it all
Singing it on paper
Singing it forever
Before the wind blows it away
Because I cannot stay
Besides here

Monday, November 5, 2007

I don't want to know

I don’t want to know
That you’re far or away
I don’t want to know
That you’re not going to stay

I don’t want to know
When I’ll be left to cry
I don’t want to know
That one day –
You wont’ care what has happened to me in days gone by

I don’t want to know
If parting from you is news
I don’t want to know
That it’s you I will lose
I don’t want to know
Of a beautiful love and be told to let go

I don’t want to know
That I couldn’t make you happy
I don’t want to know
Your walk, as you leave me behind
I don’t want to know
How I’ll feel when you turn the key
I don’t want to know
The way your eyes will say,
You don’t want to be with me

I don’t want to know
That’s what I’ll try
Passing you -
And running swiftly by
And nothing would be the matter
Because I don’t know
And all will be fine as a distance grows

I'm falling for you

Blazing romantic heat
Rupturing volcanoes of desire
Your ways call on my needs
To increase their demand for you
Nature's strength -
I'm falling for you

Erupting treasures surround me
Opened by the key that is your voice
Weightless ground invites me -
I'm falling for you

Endless smooth ripples play at my feet
Droplets of emotion meet my lips
The rain of your paradise -
Wetting my body with deeply absorbed feelings

I'm falling for you
Heaven has been away for long
The warmth in your eyes is too valuably strong
The sweet discovery of a vast oasis -
To experience the taste of what you could give
So have mercy on me -

Take me in your arms
And let the horizons sunrise perform for me
That's wake me in the morning
And be my goodnight
Cover me from worry and be my shade of delight


You’re writing for me words in my life that run straight to my heart
A memory so strong of you is what you’ve let start
A time in such need for you is what you’ve let begin
A love so deep for you, in me is what has poured in

Why is my aching soul, needing you so
Why were my once darkened feelings, now beginning to glow?
When they should be lost and never again show
I can’t understand why you’re making me so

Why is my heart calming from you
Why are my thoughts, believing in you and goodness so new
Why are you letting me believe again, that love is true?
That I can only live if I am with you

Ever since you came I cannot stop dreaming
About you and your ways, it’s as important as breathing
I want to overstand everything you are, all that you do
I want to understand all that you are because I love you

Parts of love

It was a queue to a new journey – a new life – a new college – all new – life was changing – a new determination in the heart- a new soul to begin with – new ways it was going to be - taking a new road – a new direction.

But on the other side of the world- After all these oceans – all that land -another story surfaces- one to be told – one to be heard – a story of devotion, deception and illusions – a story of friends, lovers and enemies – – a story of truth, dishonesty and lies – a story of laughter, pain and cries

The wind blew quietly but strongly – wishing it would blow all questions and confusion away - In that night that covers skies – people are going to be entwined - with grudges, war and love - with pain, hurt and lust - with agony, joy and crime with misery, with no mercy, with discovery in time - .

But fate has its way whether agreed on or not, it cannot be changed it cannot be stopped- fate is strong and inevitable, fate is glowing and indestructible- to bring two people together whether for good or bad-to make them happy or to make them sad- to make them love or to make them hate- but in our story its golden in the sky –its called fate-

IF WE JUST PAUSE – Read the invisible lines, the words spinning in the air.
A smile, a glance and it changed my world
A smile, a glance and my whole life turned
I loved you baby, you became my way
A smile, a glance, how I needed you to stay

Return to the unspoken, now twirling so fair.

A smile, a glance and your image fell on me forever
I loved you from one smile, one glance; I can not do with another

The night twinkled and romance flew in the sky, then along came happiness as understanding stopped by, and when trust made its way to their hearts and soul, you couldn’t but have love come and conquer it all.

Magic spun and dreams spilled into path of reality. Their eyes deepened with colors from paradise that were drawing what was happening. Tenderness was seeping and fantasies coming alive were touching their feet to their heads. Threads of belonging for each other were beginning to be twisted, leaving two people in great need for something they thought never existed.

As they walked, each flower might have turned its head to look. As they talked, each word was inked to write a story book. They were a jigsaw puzzle with all pieces found, a letter and an envelope so tightly bound, an answer for a question that makes so much sense and they were the smell of a future, burning with incense.

Broken story 2

Broken story
From the knowledge of history
shattered with no glue
smashed by you

forgiving what you've done?
I'll never look you in the face
I'll never draw what you trace

Broken by your majesty
you're a king of lies
ruling with cries

I'll start again to reach the end
but I'm already there
part of no repair
in your world of despair

Broken forever
my heart will never
Erase this pain

Thrown to the curb
Blood accident swerve
The beginning of goodbye

Wherever, whatever, whenever
Surrender, murder, remember

Change your voice
I'll cradle its escape
Today this ends
An alibi of destroyed fate
that's late

Broken story
Shredded destiny of things to come
black and wicked
of things to come


Sunday, November 4, 2007

The Translator - Leila abouleila

I love how this book is written, the descriptions, story line and the charachters.
Of course what draws me some more to it is the link with Khartoum.
The leading charachter 'Sammar' comes from Khartoum and the story involves us to her love for Sudan, her descriptions of the Nile and her feeling of strangeness when she is abroad. she offers an amazing insight of how one feels when they are away from home; something that I can relate to.
Islam revolves around this book and I admire how the author makes it lovable and employs simplicity to the religion leaving me with a gratitude that I am a muslim and a hope that people may think of Islam the same way as Sammar and Rae (the main charachters) do.
I have a new beauty towards Islam after reading this book, more love for my country Sudan and a new meaning for Love.
One of the best things I could take from this book is the beautiful connection that Love can grant us. I read about love all the time, see it, hear it but it's always in the normal predicatable way to me no matter how many times it's romantic or special. But in this book I was taken aback at what true love can really mean and the lengths that it will allow people to take.
I think from now on whenever I think or dream of love I will have this book in mind.

Crying in mars

Premature drama screaming in my head
I am losing control
Tearing up my mind
I’m crashing my pride
My mistakes are too wide
I’m soaking in guilt
Breaking what was built
Dying in my thought
Incomprehensible and taut
I’m dying in my pain
I loathe my memories
I want to kill my fantasies
So illiterately wild
And sending me to madness
Where I’m gone fanatical
Trying to find answers
Trying to find reason
Begging that my life isn’t treason
Trembling that I am wet with shame
Blurting from me like inadequate fame
I seem to only gain more
I don’t want what the future has in store
Nothing is sacred within me anymore
Ugly tarnished core
I am raining with empty space
I cannot distinguish my face
I have drowned the reality of my trace
A bargain of failure
I have sold my savior
To the hell in me
To the trauma I see
Yet cannot never be repaired
Because I’m turning into wrong
And better at locking myself up
Than ever before

I need fresh air
To breathe in care
That I am too weak to ask
Such a heavy task
Although it was easy just a while back
But I smashed of the track
Can’t find my way back
Gifts I lack
Too dumb for the journey
I’m too stupid for my eternity
Leaving things fall out of meaning
I am not strong enough for determination
I am blind for sweet faith
I must find home
A place if just one thing is familiar
If maybe one thing was similar
To the pictures of my identity
But my identity is a stranger
Never further
Never scarier
So indistinguishable
So disastrous
The mess that’s become famous
Like an actor urging for claps
My body is urging for straps
So it doesn’t KEEP RUNNING into traps
I’m slipping into collapse
I’m crying in mars
So close from there but still can't reach the stars
My confusion is an explosion
And from the small earth so far away
I can see a broken light
Traveling in a lonely night
To break to me the news
That you are nearer than you think
To never waking up.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Truth from lies 2

''The Truth from lies stories are about Love that is undiscovered, strong and True, Yet hidden, hidden with fears, given with Lies and unknown.''

If I lose you now, that is lose my soul
If I lose my wings, and take this fall
A lifeless nothing I would be
If I lose you, the breath of me
If I lose you to time, a time of my senseless crime
My life would be meaningless gone with time
In the darkest shadows my heart would suffocate
My mind, my soul they all would terminate
My life without your forgiveness would be a life of sorrow
If I lose you from in front of my eyes
Eyes that would only see lies
You are my only love
If I lose you, my star above
Without you shining, blackness would kill
Through the emptiness that can never be filled
Just space left to deteriorate
Because I can't stop wondering how you and I - fate
Were left open at the gate
Where broken too late
Where everything in me would be
Shattered in me
Forgive me, the other part of me
Because I need you
Too much to say
Too much to convey
And I only pray
That you hear the teardrops of my heart.

She read the lines that ran straight to her heart, a memory of love and a discovery of it. People needing each other and asking for forgiveness. It must be wonderful. She sighed, Giving in to the navy deep sky, twinkling in the night, each star meaning something, every star tellling a story. She was so close to all of them, she could touch the dream with her hand; what it's like to fall in love.
'I wonder what this guy is asking her to forgive - I wonder will she accept him being sorry, is he true of his word?'

Are they meant to be together?
Do feelings like that last forever.

She drank her coffee and giggled,
'it's about me?' - she asked.
He pulled over a chair and sat roughly on it - 'Yeah baby if I lose you, I don't know what I would do'.

'But its the first time you ever wrote something for me'

'I know but something tells me I'll be writing a lot more for you - you make me want to write - you make me want to say I'm sorry a million times'

She sipped another sip and looked at him with her hazel eyes - her hair fell to her shoulders and she pushed it gently back -

'but you promised you would come and when you didn't my friends made a fool out of me - you can't promise and break your promise!'

'I know I know - look I'll make it up to you I promise!!! how about we get out of this stinky place and go see a movie and then have dinner.'

He was leaning closer and closer and it made her heart melt - he knew what this time needed next - as he leaned in to finally kiss her she had forgotten all that had upset her - she had forgotten it all -

They were the king and queen of love now
Holding it like their throne

Echoes in my mind - (I/me)

when you feel/know it is the wrong path
But you just can't walk/run/drive away
it's like I’m hypnotized and I can't wake/get up
I'm lost with the ticking of my madness
My mind reverts/taken by an unknown power that only advances
Somewhere deep/hidden - I scream/knock/try
But no-one/nothing hears me beg/shout/cry
Is it my inner self that I cannot find/see?
Or my soul that should make me free/be
Or is it just me - split into a million pieces
And I cannot glue/fix/repair
I desperately need something/anything to mend my wear/tear

Too late

Too late except to say goodbye
Too late to touch your face
Too late to hear you heart race
Too late for your love
Too late for your anything

Your smile, your words, your safety
Too late except in fantasy
Too late to see you by my side walk
Too late to have you with me talk
About your dreams, your wishes, your days
Too late by a whispering soul

So far away across…land…and oceans…and mountains…forever

Too late for you
Too late for me
I cry as I watch you fly
Even out of my dreams you go
Too late to tell you how I miss you so
Too late to see you turn to stay
Too late for your touch
Vanilla, cinnamon, tender & musk
Too late for beauty
Too late for your company
Too late to have you in my world
Too late to live with you
Too late to stand by you
Too late for your best thing
Too late in my life

Like a plane I missed
A train I couldn’t catch
Too late for your rainbow
Too late except for sorrow
Too late for you to understand
Even though it was so simply held between my hands

Governmental weather

The people look up to you
To melt their freezing fears
They ask for your help
Plea that you will wipe their tears
From their world blown unanchored by troubling hurricanes
Hurricanes of killing hunger, being attacked, being forgotten
But you the man of politics walk under a shield from the cruel rain- rain that if touched you might make you feel-
You are sheltered from echoing motherly cries or deadly soldiers sins that would make you grieve sorrow
Clouds of your mischievous lies grow black and blacker
Conjuring a weather that no one should take
Blocking the sun of peace, the rays of hope become distorted-

Why couldn’t you have allowed rainbows of happiness, colour our countries skies?
Why wouldn’t you let your people wake to a dawn shaded with truth, with purity?
Just why couldn’t you save your own blood and hearts, men and women who
boys and girls

You are conjuring a weather that no one should take on their Sudanese backs
But you, the man of my country’s politics, walk dry under a shield from the cruel rain- rain that if touched you might make you feel-
Rain of poverty and sickness that is falling continuously down
You are sheltered from echoing motherly cries or deadly soldiers sins that would make you grieve sorrow
You are covered by a home well capable for the winds that bring loss,destruction and dark shadows
Blocking the sun of peace, the rays of hope become distorted
But here we are living in your governmental weather
A morning of injustice, an afternoon of unkindness and a night trying to survive

Homelessness exposed

The dismal acute answer of homelessness victimizes the ones who can no longer wrestle with life defeat; embittering in a homeless lifestyle can arise from so many unperceived reasons. What drives the homeless in the end to walk in solitude and maybe despond in faith could have been born from virtually endless encounters with a myriad of obstacles that eventually become the compass to the world of homelessness.

The cold or extensive heat strikes them out as members, menial in its try, cruel and uncompassionate to the hardship peeling of their suffering skin causing their memories exposed to be painfully dry. Where they end up in the night is a question that surmises luck and invites misery; a corner, a toilet, a train, their eyes roam the world for some love to their cry. Going unnoticeable under a thin blanket covering their squalor and despair, solutions are too expensive to be warmed under their care.

Bare tragedies follow of being hungry and afraid, shelter and a family was the price they were with a tumult forced to have paid; then destruction and dilapidation became an emotionally blatant twin, care and attention swiveled into invisibility leaving them from society unruly trimmed.

Deep loss and danger volunteered to be a new best friend, as their malice experience spells homeless with an unknown end; a sauntering feeling like something is being torn out from underneath their core because trust in people and even themselves might just be gone and so is happiness that now is so inquisitively sore.

Underneath a bright street lamp but their soul and mind cannot see, the cunning sense of no belonging has made blindness soar free, from their baffling empty pockets they are imprisoned from flee, beyond tonight’s dumpster as accommodation is all for they can plea.

Disheartening damage beating to its proper rhythm, its sound evaporating loud in the sky, a homeless young life wishes from their prison they could fly, the anxiety from the cunning darkness of the days and the clear murder of the night ploy, leaves a blood with fear stiff with a preparation to a beaten fight.

Never any support; Protection has long been sold to export, pushing their simple trolley with lifetime collections, struggle has thwarted easiness, drowning under a park bench trying to find sleep layers but the combat of the situation employs them as a beggar. Derision from filth because it is their forever companion, it dirties their light, that from within their inner beauty should glow with expansion. Emptiness as camaraderie with their minds, in having no knowledge of avail for tomorrow; leaves anything, but to revolve in the galaxy with a dizzy twisting sorrow. Homelessness eating at their tender exposed meat where information except of their fears is belligerent at them like a killing treat. A unity of debacles continues to volcano and finding their home in the homeless. A crash with silence though it is the music of stress and tragedy that brusquely overpopulates their distress


I wish one chance
So I could show you all my hidden romance
But more so -if I could just tell you
That I want what’s best for you-

Be the representative of your vivid faith
Stand as a believer of what is true and right
Tackle and endure to protect and secure
Use your power and energy
Feel the want to save your community
Burn with need to help in a tragedy
Contain urge - to bring your religion to prosperity

Love and cherish your duty

I see you pray and then read his letters
The soldier of purity, the shade from all misery

You would be nectar of my soul
An honourable man deserving uncountable praise
Light of the suns rays, warmth in my days
My ruler, I would follow blindly any of your ways
Because I would love who you are and what you do
And I would see in you that you are an ambassador of your proud Lord

But wait a second you will never be near
So I just want you to have fear
From the judgement day
I wish you would remember the after- life
Take it as friendly advice
From a person who doesn’t ever want to see you get hurt
She wants your name clean from every speckle of dirt
She wants you to be safe
She craves your happiness in the eternity
She dreams it in her fantasy
That you are fine and healthy forever

Tears of a devil

A century, a quarter, a year, a day, a second – today’s moment –
Temper, pain, suffering, greed, desperation – all logically evident –

Fighting and hating,
Shooting peace of sharing and understanding,
Walking slow to protect, is over – ridden and over – taken

Giving no chance to feel,
Skin blistering, flesh peeling,
A watch that is counting what rage is stealing

Horror of blowing and shaking,
Destruction and no honey making,
Eyes blinded by light of fire,
A lens inflicted with a show to make it retire,
It breaks apart and disintegrates – burned to the stake by the flame

Leaves grow by bodies that are covered underneath,
Trees sway and children try to play,
In a time where tears of a devil are not so unlogically insane

A pearl drop for the boy, who will be gone too soon,
A good – bye whisper to the little girl that is to fly to the moon,
A shade of misery for the lady to lose blood and go into shock,
No chance not to tear for the man, who’s working hands are cut by interference of the devil,
Who’s now tearing from all this suffering, created hurt and sorrow gained from the boiling and strangling

No estimating that we’ll ever need each other,
Tears of a devil’s happiness, rejoicing that we all kill one another,
Laughing at us, till nothing can stop the tears,
Tears of a devil, while commanding us to break and shatter,
A lover’s relationship and pretend nothing is the matter

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

True love

I want you to trust me
I need you to love me
I'm yearning that you adore me
I'm living so you control me

I'm asking that you let me be with you
I'm begging that you let me see to you
I'm striving to carry out your every demand
Praying to be under your command

I'm thinking of when you think of me
Listening to our conversations and how they would be
I'm already deciding that you are right and I am wrong Rejoicing that I am weak and you are strong

I'm dreaming of how I would serve you
Wondering what to do so I can deserve you
Seeing in my mind how beautiful you are
And questioning myself
Is that beauty of an untouchable star?

I'm analysing how to attract you
Desperate that you let me understand you
I'm counting the days to gain your affection
Yet realising, I'm driven by useless inspiration

I'm imagining the day you will just look once at me
Despite all the evidence that, that could never be

Its illegal, but just indulging quietly
If you ever offered me some emotion
I would lose reality, sanity- all my motion

The sketch

You are one of a kind and no-one is like you
In a dark green park and watching shooting stars as they spark
There is no-one but you
In my ideas and my world
And I have never felt more comfortable in my days before
Because you promised you would stay and I believe you
And you said you need me and I trust you
And when I give in to telling you that I want you
You don’t let me down

So many songs remind me of you
And so many different nights I pray for you
I don’t know you
But when I dream of you everything is right
Even if it’s just for the smallest while
Everything feels right and I can smile
And I am peaceful and happy
And out of my troubles and worry
And it rains in my imagination
Of sweet memories of you as inspiration
To draw the meaning I hold of you in a sketch
Drawings of love for my heart I fetch

Why is it that I can't stop thinking about you. All of a sudden my world has become revolved around you - Once more I dream of only you and I want the years to speed up so I can see where I am in your heart. If you would be near and make my soul smile because you have changed all my hearts wants and needs. It's just that time remains as it is and you still so far away, sometimes those close fantasies fade and blur with the distance. Yet - I swear you are closer now to me more than ever and I just wish I could reach out to you, tell you how I feel and how much it hurts me to see you like this.

Seeing children sadly cry

Painful as hearing a lover die
Your eyes fairy even they are so real
This is why this is enchanted maybe – am I embracing a fantasy?


My head is a mess
Mind in distress
Thoughts under stress
Flammable confusion
Waiting to take charge
I aim to be
Someone from within me
I can understand and use as my soul
But I don’t know that person at all
That person I try and reach
Emptiness is all they preach
A great big hole
That into I fall
Blindly seeing
Decisions that make me
I never take them right
I always fight
In the night of my heart
The pump of my mistakes
But also my words
Junctions appear
Before I steer
Into the wilderness of fright
Which one to decide
Is the one I ride
That will take me to me
And if I break down into a mistake
How long will it take?
Before I can drive to the future again?
I am me
Lost as can be
Tired of what I see
The challenges I must NOT flee
And I ask the world
What part do I have?
In its madness
I need a chance
Given to me
By me
Of hope
In the blizzard of determination

It's dissapointment

Damage with words
Internal syllables
Made from lies
Breaking my heart
Compelled to cry
Pain from remembering
Our open mistakes left
Precious dreams for kidnapping
In a lost tremble
Nauseous circle of void –
Magic scared to fly high
An eternity of dreams gone by
Never in us can we try
To be in love so those dreams never die
It’s disappointment.

A heartbeat away

I look into your eyes
You are a heartbeat away
But in my life
You don’t want to stay
Holding the memories close
To loss I lose
Everything I once owned
Shattering pieces of dawn
The sun rises over a broken mirror
I ask you to stay just another hour
But it’s too late for rain to dampen your soul
For you to hear my call
Dreams scream as I fall
For you to rescue the silence
To give us one chance
An open door you walk through
And close me behind for darkness to run through
My veins, lock me up inside
In the hurt that bleeds my pride
I drown in the sorrow that I cry
I win in the game that let me die
The presence of your absence burning my soul
You never loved me after all
Framed to be alone
Mistaking you, spun me out of control
In the twilight of my nightmares
Confused by my fear
Thrown into the night
A land where I cannot fight
With distance and romance
Always together in my existence
Without you, forever I dance

The challenge

sitting at opposite sides of the table of life, the devil pulls out a chair on one side and the soul on the other. It is a meeting of truth, kingship or slavery, hope or misery as a result. Paper’s of thoughts, opinions, influences, actions, words and views are tossed and thrown. Will the darkness of the devil be the president of the deciding house or will the golden illumination of light from the window of the soul be the savior of the entry.They argue and defend, shout and command, interfere and interrupt, stop and shake heads, fight and slam fists, either win or fight. The table of non – digressing stress solidly separates them but yet closes any aperture that could ever be between them. They are drawn by the destined challenge; what the devil set out to do and what the soul was made to resist.

The devils cleverness; outstanding stunts continue their slyness to overpower. It is an armored mission, challenge to make the gullible soul to fail inadvertently; Outcast the Almighty’s kindness and offer cruelty and weak gratitude. Expatriate the good, exchange with a troubled neighborhood of wrong, wrong doing, continuation of it. To convict in the belief that it is difficult and useless to return to the right path, to become resplendent once more. This is what the devil was set out to do for eternity in the galaxy of the souls meaning. Sit on that side of the table and wild out; furiously inflict hesitation, lack of trust and extinct gratification, creating obstruction, and havoc to the soul. The devil doesn’t know any better, any less, banished to this seat until forever.

The opponent that is the soul knows better. It was given a choice to choose, respect from its creator, the choice to choose, the ability to refute what the devil wants signed or to accept the dark contract of business. It is a challenge, the former, a never ending perseverance for the soul so it can remain refulgent. It is an ever lasting sweat on the forehead from the dripping effort to become stronger than the devil and it can get so hard.

It is the challenge; the soul to refuse and remain on a diamond’s journey and not in a buried tunnel after the meeting.


Expelled with a covering pad of sorrow into blacked out happiness
I’m torn with misconceptions and arrogance
The world is fed with starvation in love
The satiety is from forgiveness with emptiness
The cavity in the core of our nations is of infecting policies
The wounds in our realities skin are impinged by our unkind authorities
All they manage to do is drive punishing salt in our exposed bleeding truth to graduate it to pain
Debt is the new water drunk to sail through our veins, blood freezes
To a consistency of solidified agony but claws of laws still operate
Trying to figure out what I’m going to be
Picking up pieces of lost hope debris
If I could collect my dreams on a clear day
Safe from night rain tears my eyes will later say
If I could have eyes to not devastate the parcel of good luck bound in me
If I could have a soul that doesn’t try to untie, unravel, a mystery, a documentary of vast fearful time ahead of me
If I could own a mind that I bought with peace
If I could contact my heart to send a phone call of reassurance – a dial tone of serenity
If I could hear the sound of tranquility through the message beep of a comforting mobile
To mobile my concreted exile
When I hear the wails of concreted skyscraper cries
Of mothers and little sisters losing their loved ones in a war of why’s
The news opens a department in my heart named ‘suffering despair’
Watching sons and husbands coffined because peace is in ripped tear
A stapler to firm papers of misery in my age
Young strong men locked and flocked to a cage
Tender sweet girls bearing no pink dresses, their skin only wears rage
To her father who kissed her good morning before his work he would engage
Now standing in front of him with his eyes closed, his cuddling body she knew just this morning, now rigid, black from burns
She is the one to kiss him goodbye because her father will never return
Trying to figure out what I’m going to be
My vicinity is an opera show that I can never be free
From torment and loss – I hang a note of plea
I want to be saved from this drowning world sea
A note saying rescue us – rescue me
But all I own is a breaking shattering key
To open the door to what it is
I will constantly see

Sunday, October 28, 2007

3 a. m

Lost in the tide of confusion
Growing amongst a reality that pricks with thorns
They allowed themselves to bleed out the love they had for living with each other.
I know they love each other but I don’t know about other things.
Something is always wrong
It doesn’t work
It makes me feel weak
No more laughing
Now it is just 3 a. m
Always silent
I have grown accustomed to an enchanted darkness
My spirit falling in the black
Of the clock ticking in a midnight track

The song I listen to
The song I dream to
That it could come true
Falling to you
The mystery of this place
Where you have no trace
In this 3 a. m space
The galaxy of distance
The mystery of romance
Awake in my dreams
I see the secret through your eyes
Glistening through my cries
The lights of the city
They soar in the pain
Cold hearted drains
In the network of my heart
The system connects
To the main of my soul
Where for you I call
Your name in the night blare
Dream bear
Imagining a 3 a. m in you
The curtains of the moon sing to the wind
A silk satin 3 a. m falling gently over you
As the time slowly takes you away
The breath joins the morning over the hills of yesterday
But my 3 a. m is still here to stay

Sky falling

Intertwined in loss
Walking along the sky
Until dreams push me down
I drop unmistakably
Falling blindly
Through storms of my time
Back to the world crashing
Everything but hurting
I cannot feel right now
Locked in my heart
To a corner of disadvantage
Imprisoned in my own cage
Of reasoning and understanding
Wrapped in my thoughts
Within my imagination caught
In a web of fantasy
My hands and feet torn to hold
What I love to love
Yet struggling to break free
I fall and fall
To a ground closer
With pain faster
Reaching in my breath
Taking all my strength
The wind races in my ears
The cold slices open my fears
But it’s too, too frozen to cry
Secrets unwrap from the lie
I kept hidden in me

I hear broken communication
With my inner organization
Blown into pieces
My love ceases

An identity I once made
That now only fades
To the forests of the night
The canopy never lets the sun
Just the flood in my heart

I want to find the signs
When I cannot even read the lines
Of my untold story
I panic with fear
My life becoming so unclear
Questions erase answers
Fogging with helplessness
Blacking with blackness
What is meant to be
In my destiny
Dark where I cannot see
What is it in me
And I wish I could find the words to say
What it is that’s in my way
Stopping these rays
Shining on me

Joked and kidded by the truth
Lies are my only friend
I stand in a foreign place
Where I can feel time race
Past me
I’m left abroad with my senses
With no entry to the premises
That I once was familiar to

Tuned to a scale of unrealistic channeling
Reality judges me with inconsiderate paneling
A station calling anything but my name
Yet I must listen to it all the same

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


I havn't told you yet what it is I want but I promise one day I will. I'm afraid of telling you it's you I need but one day I promise I will try. I think it's getting harder everyday to keep it a secret but maybe you will begin to know if you promise you will change when you are around me...............and the darkness falls as the last sentence deteriorates into the wilderness of an everlasting impossibility through a mist of growing pain and a cloud of enshadowing mistake. I hav'nt told you yet and I never will. That my heart you fill -

The definition of a secret
I let -
You -
Into my heart
The dream to dream
Even when tears close your memory
A flood of reality
Drowning past my soul

A secret place
Hiding -
For you –
Beneath the shadows of reality
Underneath fantasy
Even –
In the forest unknown

Secrets from you
I keep so near
So far away from you
I fear
The next time
Was last time

The secret world
I make everyday
And wish they would go away
Because they hurt me more than make me smile
But they always stay
Light in the night

Secret love
Affairs dangerously real
They should be no big deal
But I feel

Like I’m in love with you

Monday, October 22, 2007


Betrayed by myself
Who am I?
What do I need?
Imagination uncontrolled
Inspiration non patrolled
Betrayed by my dreams

Lost in a maze of misunderstanding myself
What do I do?
To make it clean

The mirror of my reflection I stare into
A distance of emptiness
I stare into darkness
Betrayed by my ideas
Too fast for my grasp
I want to break the clasp
Holding my energy to race
Into the change I need to face

Betrayed by my fantasies
Betrayed to misery
Shears of glass rest on my fate
To cut up my state
The shadow grows in my head
What is it that I said?
To myself one day
That I would stay
In link with my identity
In touch with my goals
Never let myself fall
Always hear myself call
When I need help
Never let myself yelp
Because I would always save myself
From the problems in my heart
I would never let it start
Trouble from within
Remain clear beneath my skin
No betrayal from inside
But that’s exactly what I find
Betrayal in my mind
Forgotten what it feels like to know me
Dark strangeness is all I see
Dusty memories broken in me
Missing how my reality used to be
Not the way I hate it right now
So many puzzles I can't find to finish
The game of confidence, I can't polish the day
Meaningless words come out and play
In the expanded confusion of what I say
And every night with tears I lay
Not being able to be me, my way

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Bleeding love

Imprisoned by my thoughts
Lost in my mind
Conquered by my dreams that are falling to the ground

Those dreams rattling in my mind
Like a broken old train
In the wither ness of a dark poisoned reality
Wheels turning into blindness
Smoking emotions of pain
Mountains of regret block my view of tomorrow
I grieve an engine of sorrow
Paths intertwine between and enchantment
And my resentment
The shattering pieces of love
Glass spearing torment of my fate
Once we used to own a place
Bleeding too late to save this emergency case
Through a dispersed memory I remember your trace
Now a dislocated injury the picture of your face
Behind the mirror my reflection screams
Hidden in the background
A promised sound
Of betrayal tonight
Seconds tick until
An emptiness pill
I swallow the sickness of loneliness
Circumstance of a new belonging

I close my eyes
And pray that I
Would somehow see you once more
So much love to say
If I could take your breath away
I would write it all
Find my way to you
Abandon truth but your eyes are true
Meet again
The sky – could look any farther

Instinct flies in a sensation through my eagerness
I imagine your reaction if I gave you secret ness
Lockets and charms of fantasies
In your decision
Hypnotized by the shock or the feeling of imprisonment?
Needing air to relieve this choking mess

Judging by your stress
I dance without you
Flowing in a romantic solitude
Trying to escape from the grasp of your connecting beat to my heart
Standing by you
But you don’t want me
Falling in love with you
But you don’t know me

Latin soul whispers
Magical temptation lingers
Don’t break the chain
To your strength
Cause I would remain weak forever
Loving you is like second nature
Without you I ain’t breathing
Feel like I’m suffocating
From the first time I saw you smiling
I told myself to stop dreaming
To forget needing
Your touch on my heart

Identity melts in the heat of losing
Losing me
An ill shadow now of breaking free

I find myself a stranger
In this rented planet
A high cost to pay
To stay in this demented sanity
Listening to my reasoning plunking
To the bottom of my soul
With broken decisions I fall
The world’s chapters
Torn apart until for ever after

Showers of unexplained meanings
I want to change the season
Falling questions like rain
Thundering answers in vain
Loud and clear
How it all appears
Chances freezing

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Apple Mecca

In a time where attitudes and emotions are intense between the muslim community and the west, I think to reduce conflict would be the easiest of the solutions from either side, not the other way round.

This recent building in New York that is a part of Apple

has been made the centre of attention and anger because the Apple computer company decided to name the project 'Apple Mecca'.

This article I found

Apple Store Fifth Avenue opened as a destination, a "mecca," if you will, meaning only "a place that attracts people of a particular group or with a particular interest" and we mean nothing else by the use of the word "mecca" — in fact, we're sorry we used it already.

The Apple Store Fifth Avenue opened as a destination on May 6, 2006, so it's too late to "stop the project," by which we mean no disrespect. The "Genius Bars" contained (below ground, not in the cube) within the retail store dispense Macintosh computer advice, when not being overrun with generally clueless iPod owners: NO ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES ARE SERVED

The Apple Store Fifth Avenue is not "a new insult to Islam" nor is it "clearly meant to provoke Muslims." Instead, it is meant a paean to the cube, as the perfect form or whatever the hell, sorry... even though the perfect form is a sphere (again, we mean no disrespect to Islam

I find it ironic that the name 'Mecca' is used and yet they expect no- one to be provoked by the link.

It is ironic how they keep saying it is not meant to be an insult to islam, that muslims are not meant any disrespect yet that it is too late to stop the project or that no-one has any say or petition right.

Would it not have been obvious that any muslim who respects and loves Mecca as the main importance of their holy religion, would feel a loss of dignity and pride and feel that their place of dedication is being humiliated?

Then any complaints I have read, the reply is brought about as if the muslim community makes a big deal of things and muslims misunderstand words and meanings.

What upsets me about the situation is that the building would not have brought about any discussion if it was called anything else apart from 'Apple Mecca' because I don't believe the problem is the shape of the cube used, it is the name. The fact that they decided to call it this clearly makes me feel that they did mean insult and a rule of power over respect.

Which leaves simple questions like -

Are the west really respectful of human rights and freedom of speech? Do they do what they preach?

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

A gust of U

I thought something of you
My life, my sun
Promises in jail
Locked behind rail
They can never come out
Screaming to fight
The storm of the night
The answer is lost
Too high is the cost
Motorways in the speed of drama
Until the accident of losing became trauma
No money to buy back your lies
No heart to forgive your cries
You blew my words away
To a far away play
A battle torn
A new tunnel born
I cannot see
Anything in me
A gust of shame
Your promises never came
Vanishing in the darkness of the wind
Crashing in the stones of hurt
Falling to the rain of thirst
I dried waiting for your hope
A gust of fate that tore first
Before it ever reached me
Broken by distance
You see difference
You see weakness
Eyes that screen me for faults
Beeping until nearly exploding
A gust of hurt spying
Over my sky
This is goodbye
On wings damaged I fly

Stories to explain
All my pain
Written in the rain
But nothing can wash away
That I wanted to stay
In an enchantment
With you

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


Away from everything that I used to call mine
Away from the days my youth named fine
But most importantly, away from you, my one divine
I never told you, I never said
The worst mistake I ever could have made

Away from the peace that flew nourishingly in me
Away from the warmth that defrosted sadness over me
Away from the smiles that shook off my misery
Away from your love that I wanted for eternity
And into despair because I’m so far from you
And into nothing I’ve turned, because I’ve lost magic of you
Why did I fear? Why did I walk away?
Away from you when I needed to stay
A mistake – I don’t want to replay
From you I was forced to go away
Everyday – but I can't – not today
Today I watch the couples out my window
And I wish you were here to be around you
Today I pause wondering where you are
And are you looking at the same shining star
That reminds me of you

Awayalways wonder about you
I sigh hoping that it could be true
To have another reborn chance to try and find you .............
fruits fall from their trees
leaves turn amber from green
benches in the park stay empty
walkways and paths are dirty
gardens are queit and cold
streets are silent and dangerous
people forgetting the meaning of generous
communities are under threat
neighbours hating
families shattering
between them broken glass
everyone is taking
eyes are always faking
Relationships breaking
no-one is waking
hate and selfisheness collide

Monday, October 1, 2007


I wish one chance
So I could show you all my hidden romance -
But more so
If I could just tell you
That I want what’s best for you

Remnants of summer
They fight for heat lost
A battle not to feel the cold
Remember the shadows of brightness
Falling gently on their skies
The taste of peace calling from within
They hold their memories like holidays in pictures
A time when they were covered by the sun
Moments that are now, all gone

Breaking in despair their hopes and dreams
The flight takes them to their screams
Determined to be strong for each other
But deep inside they are no longer together

Abnormal to love you the way I do
To love writing about you all the time
To think of you so many times in the day and to leave you be everything I want
Addicted without reason
Addicted without cause
The stars spelled out your name
Addicted without you; they say it's ill and not true. Unhealthy, scary, unfairly - I am addicted to you.

Where my heart has been
I can't hide the marks
Drive my defences
Down by my fall
Crash the surface
Do U know you're leavin them all over my heart

Take this leap of fate
I'll never know
About you


Broken to come together
Once lost in a land of no mercy
They fight for their family
They fight for their dignity

With all their agony
They make right what went wrong
In the path of disfigured hoods
To fix what went mad
Losing control of the past
They fight to heal the future
Mend the bleeding suture
Of Mistakes

Their open wounds cry out to the sore night
And the sun feels late to dry to their tears
They pray for an answer but their answer disappears

A family sheltered with unknowns
Traveling through time and space to reach confusion
But they copy the meaning of hope in their hearts
They fall to the arms of perseverance
The road blocked to ease
Rising with the dream of existence
The shining of their aim spears

Star time
She smiles at the distance
Wishes for her daughters
They need her to be stronger than steel
She cries to the shameless bareness of her fears
Blinded by the agony of her tears
Can I be as powerful to protect them as they need me to be?
Can I be as quick to save their lives?
She stares at her hands and examines the torn creases
Her heart burns wondering about creatures she must battle
For them

Homework of life
She writes and writes
But she feels like she’s failing no matter how hard she studies
Its all wearing away
She can't make success stay
And it overpowers her
Words and numbers
That she doesn’t understand no more
She is losing her score
Of marks to be safe
Winning detention of worry
All she can be is sorry
That her future is a consequence
Of unsolved homework


I want to protest and fight, for my people’s rights
An eclipse of unfair times has sullenly left them darkling
They marvel in unjustified blackness for reasons of this happening

Why weakness grows, famine soars, lack of education roars
Why are they transported into tomorrow by the lacking keenness of which should be a nation’s conjoint hearts
Hearts adjoined by same creation, same elation and same track
A people that should take pride, die for each another
Shelter their neighbor because we’re united, devoted, intended for one other
But a sky of poverty in souls covers their Land
The bamboozled onlookers onto dimness are ascertain they will be left to dry
Like a ground cracked open from absence of rain
My people are depleted from the rain that irrigates their solicitude

Though same flour of root kneads their infinitude
Identical color of tradition runs their habitude
Similar particles of ground withstands their multitude
But the power of fire that is inequality

Beggar’s hands are the competing winners on our streets
Dilapidated by rejection, hunger, defeat
Death is an overpopulated city where lost children to negligence accommodate
We have forbidden ourselves the sensation of being content if we rescued any handicapped of strength Deploringly, my people are still mystified by the persistent darkness and dullness of their incessant eclipse

It hovers ceaselessly
It is the lacerated closeness between my people
The penetrated kindness with blemishes
The budding selfishness into a non heeding flower
My people, my people have prohibited love’s power
Only power, power of this immortal fire
But hope is a waking dream
The sun will battle its way through


Life shattered
Beauty battered
Thoughts scattered
Emotions spattered

Dreams evil
Surrendering to the devil
Knowledge degrading
Control deflating
Serenity disappearing
Confusion seeping
Percolating and oozing

Youth un–inspired
Friendship tired
The link with love no more acknowledged
The rope with hope rapidly demolished

Everything is lost and dispersed-

Nourish my balance
Undo your absence
Shield existence

Jail of dreams

I try and memorise the many faces that you make
Believing in my heart that I will get to spend my days
Loving you and all the simple things you do

Thorns pricking my arms and confusion stinging
Deprivation of a once free soul
I got to a place that was suffocating
Trying to get out but nothing would give me directions
My decision isolated me and fractured what I always wanted

This picture I hold between my hands
Of you and I
Never goodbye
So kind and warm
With no swarm of pain
Its landscape brings me from inner spirit to collect on its sight
Surreal, magnifying my appeal to find you
I hold the picture deep to my heart
Its become the flower that blooms over my soul

Then I look at it again and notice the heartbreak
One day we will find each other
But the crime is not fake
I am holding a felony
At its very bottom corner the picture reads:

If found: to be returned immediately to the jail of dreams.

Dreams of despair

I wish things were different, if dreams were fair, not throwing me in a sea of despair. If fantasies had any sense of truth and they wer'nt just when I close my eyes. Don't close your eyes to the reality, When you open, you will drown with the loss of connection; heart sinking, memories blinking, mind overtaken and destiny mistaken.

No suprise it's an empire falling of soul having loved you. Until end of time I never will forget, under a spell, stars and stardust fell but I do want to fly and forget all my misery and regret.

Night young full of heartbreak tonight. Bruised and broken, teared and not spared into a world of crumbs. Conscience in circles; stop before you fall, memory with hurdles of never saved emergency calls. Fragile scene, lost fire from a river cried and burned out sensation leaving a completely numb soul being tied.

In the distance of pain confined to my heart are the secrets raining, confined to my thoughts are the memories raging, they leave an emptiness thundering, confined to my inspiration are the losses growing, confined to my sleep are the dreams that fled; can't get you out of my head.

Magic is tragic but magic is real and love is surreal. Wishes are stashes of crashes but I believe in you. Normality, what is my direction, anxiety, is this my eternity, mistake, why am I feeling fake, bleed, where am I being ripped with speed.

Here in my time, why is it showing all this crime; to my heart. Heart, where do I start; maybe on my pain that's left me torn apart.

.........and she locked her heart and watched it flush away, through the twist of the drain, twirling and swirling softly but fast, and then disappearing in an upbeat flash.


Evaporating witness of serenity and deep feel
There is a shadow of misery that becomes a strong seal The vitality of debating has been malnourished severely
The strong experience of madness is revised continuously.

Care is poisoned by a predicament of jealousy and goodness is slashed by a serious asperity.
Faith; the power to survive invites a paradox in its ground, where its infinite beauty is exposed to ugly ill pounds.
Health is deprived for women and children who deserve the best
But the savage rest of others must slot in to infect.

Accidents fatalise into the path of our safety
Murder tumors itself as a corrosive entity

Imprisonment for the innocent is the new rule
The heat of our miserable actions must be forced to cool.

Bombs that are speedily detonating and we invest our eyes to witness the cries that are easily falling
Without a tissue to wipe any of the disasters rapidly occurring
Our good-will has escaped to some far-away training

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -