Sunday, October 21, 2007

Bleeding love

Imprisoned by my thoughts
Lost in my mind
Conquered by my dreams that are falling to the ground

Those dreams rattling in my mind
Like a broken old train
In the wither ness of a dark poisoned reality
Wheels turning into blindness
Smoking emotions of pain
Mountains of regret block my view of tomorrow
I grieve an engine of sorrow
Paths intertwine between and enchantment
And my resentment
The shattering pieces of love
Glass spearing torment of my fate
Once we used to own a place
Bleeding too late to save this emergency case
Through a dispersed memory I remember your trace
Now a dislocated injury the picture of your face
Behind the mirror my reflection screams
Hidden in the background
A promised sound
Of betrayal tonight
Seconds tick until
An emptiness pill
I swallow the sickness of loneliness
Circumstance of a new belonging

I close my eyes
And pray that I
Would somehow see you once more
So much love to say
If I could take your breath away
I would write it all
Find my way to you
Abandon truth but your eyes are true
Meet again
The sky – could look any farther

Instinct flies in a sensation through my eagerness
I imagine your reaction if I gave you secret ness
Lockets and charms of fantasies
In your decision
Hypnotized by the shock or the feeling of imprisonment?
Needing air to relieve this choking mess

Judging by your stress
I dance without you
Flowing in a romantic solitude
Trying to escape from the grasp of your connecting beat to my heart
Standing by you
But you don’t want me
Falling in love with you
But you don’t know me

Latin soul whispers
Magical temptation lingers
Don’t break the chain
To your strength
Cause I would remain weak forever
Loving you is like second nature
Without you I ain’t breathing
Feel like I’m suffocating
From the first time I saw you smiling
I told myself to stop dreaming
To forget needing
Your touch on my heart

Identity melts in the heat of losing
Losing me
An ill shadow now of breaking free

I find myself a stranger
In this rented planet
A high cost to pay
To stay in this demented sanity
Listening to my reasoning plunking
To the bottom of my soul
With broken decisions I fall
The world’s chapters
Torn apart until for ever after

Showers of unexplained meanings
I want to change the season
Falling questions like rain
Thundering answers in vain
Loud and clear
How it all appears
Chances freezing

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your choice of words makes the meaning so clear, like water in a glass. I can understand it, and almost feel the words imprinting themselves onto my very soul.

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -