Wednesday, October 31, 2007

A heartbeat away

I look into your eyes
You are a heartbeat away
But in my life
You don’t want to stay
Holding the memories close
To loss I lose
Everything I once owned
Shattering pieces of dawn
The sun rises over a broken mirror
I ask you to stay just another hour
But it’s too late for rain to dampen your soul
For you to hear my call
Dreams scream as I fall
For you to rescue the silence
To give us one chance
An open door you walk through
And close me behind for darkness to run through
My veins, lock me up inside
In the hurt that bleeds my pride
I drown in the sorrow that I cry
I win in the game that let me die
The presence of your absence burning my soul
You never loved me after all
Framed to be alone
Mistaking you, spun me out of control
In the twilight of my nightmares
Confused by my fear
Thrown into the night
A land where I cannot fight
With distance and romance
Always together in my existence
Without you, forever I dance

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -