Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sky falling

Intertwined in loss
Walking along the sky
Until dreams push me down
I drop unmistakably
Falling blindly
Through storms of my time
Back to the world crashing
Everything but hurting
I cannot feel right now
Locked in my heart
To a corner of disadvantage
Imprisoned in my own cage
Of reasoning and understanding
Wrapped in my thoughts
Within my imagination caught
In a web of fantasy
My hands and feet torn to hold
What I love to love
Yet struggling to break free
I fall and fall
To a ground closer
With pain faster
Reaching in my breath
Taking all my strength
The wind races in my ears
The cold slices open my fears
But it’s too, too frozen to cry
Secrets unwrap from the lie
I kept hidden in me

I hear broken communication
With my inner organization
Blown into pieces
My love ceases

An identity I once made
That now only fades
To the forests of the night
The canopy never lets the sun
Just the flood in my heart

I want to find the signs
When I cannot even read the lines
Of my untold story
I panic with fear
My life becoming so unclear
Questions erase answers
Fogging with helplessness
Blacking with blackness
What is meant to be
In my destiny
Dark where I cannot see
What is it in me
And I wish I could find the words to say
What it is that’s in my way
Stopping these rays
Shining on me

Joked and kidded by the truth
Lies are my only friend
I stand in a foreign place
Where I can feel time race
Past me
I’m left abroad with my senses
With no entry to the premises
That I once was familiar to

Tuned to a scale of unrealistic channeling
Reality judges me with inconsiderate paneling
A station calling anything but my name
Yet I must listen to it all the same

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -