Tuesday, October 23, 2007


I havn't told you yet what it is I want but I promise one day I will. I'm afraid of telling you it's you I need but one day I promise I will try. I think it's getting harder everyday to keep it a secret but maybe you will begin to know if you promise you will change when you are around me...............and the darkness falls as the last sentence deteriorates into the wilderness of an everlasting impossibility through a mist of growing pain and a cloud of enshadowing mistake. I hav'nt told you yet and I never will. That my heart you fill -

The definition of a secret
I let -
You -
Into my heart
The dream to dream
Even when tears close your memory
A flood of reality
Drowning past my soul

A secret place
Hiding -
For you –
Beneath the shadows of reality
Underneath fantasy
Even –
In the forest unknown

Secrets from you
I keep so near
So far away from you
I fear
The next time
Was last time

The secret world
I make everyday
And wish they would go away
Because they hurt me more than make me smile
But they always stay
Light in the night

Secret love
Affairs dangerously real
They should be no big deal
But I feel

Like I’m in love with you

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -