Monday, November 30, 2015

Life after sanaa 3;

يا الله اسالك السماح
عالج اعصابي زي ما عالجتني اليوم
عالق قلبي الصغير
عالج حذني العميق 
عالج فشلي الكبير
عالج ضعفي
عالج حياتي التي فهمت اليوم مدي حبي ليها و مدي حبي في الحياةعالجني يا الله عالجني يا الله فانا لا ينقصني شيء الا انت يا الله
قويني في حياتي قويني و خليني اكون في رضاك وفي حنانك الشفته السوم 
يا ربي 
يا جميل انت سعدي و قوتي و حبي و حياتي التي اعيش بها الان

يا رحمن ارحم سناء التي ذهبت الا مكان الهنا والسرور و مكان ضحكتها التي انور الحياة وكمان التي لا فيه حزن والمكان التي هي احسن وهي افضل
ولكن يا الله لا اريد ان افتقد ها 
اريد ان اكون ضعيفة الشين وقوية الجميل
يا الله غير حاله كلها

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Life after Sanaa 2

Looking at the floor to find you
My heart skips a beat unable to breathe the pain
You were my beautiful daughter my sunshine my strength that i never knew would dim
You made me i made you
And now im broken 
Feeling as lonely as the queitest land
I am afraid of missing u so much
I am afraid of the hurt inside me bursting suffocating
You are a lost treasure 
My gem buried under the ground
My soul is with you 

Life after sanaa 1

Ive got so much to say and i dont know how to say any of it
The day has come the moment 
The ugliness of the dark and the broken dreams the expanded remorse of every single beating heart in that night screaming in pain unable to comprehend 
Unable to understand unable to believe
And then there was me
So far away and remembering all the little details
Like promises
Like words like thoughts
Like chocolate
Like waking her up
Like whats wrong with me
And how nothing was wrong with her
Im in pain
And im in more pain for who i am
What i am 
Where i am
How i think
And how strong she was and how weak i am
Just how weak i am 
Life is completely messed up for me

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -