Thursday, October 15, 2026

Unlovable

Hey there
Today i discovered i was unlovable
The woman in me realised falling into place i wasnt mad
There was a distsnce i couldnt understand but now i do
And its silly reslly because its right under my nose
And i think
I think 
It isnt new
Whats 6 mths eh?
Like a routine dental check up 
Today i dsicvered i was unlovable
Ifs easy really
When something happens and ur chosen in
That 
Track
U think to yourself
Ill talk 
No ill scream
No ill just stay queit
The woman in me is dead
But is she reborn
Its interesting
That my philosophy stays
U can never force someone to love u 
I dont know what to do today 
But maybe ill figure it out tomorow 

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -