Sunday, November 29, 2015

Life after sanaa 1

Ive got so much to say and i dont know how to say any of it
The day has come the moment 
The ugliness of the dark and the broken dreams the expanded remorse of every single beating heart in that night screaming in pain unable to comprehend 
Unable to understand unable to believe
And then there was me
So far away and remembering all the little details
Like promises
Like words like thoughts
Like chocolate
Like waking her up
Like whats wrong with me
And how nothing was wrong with her
Im in pain
And im in more pain for who i am
What i am 
Where i am
How i think
And how strong she was and how weak i am
Just how weak i am 
Life is completely messed up for me

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -