Sunday, December 9, 2007

Faith Crisis_(In the process of falling)

The treadmill of goodbye runs me through a lost energy
Syncopated breaths of truth fall within an unfit destiny
But I need to change all weak memory
And become someone I dreamed to be with a cause
Driving myself in the tiredness of the break
I must go on; I must continue a challenge of individuality
In a street of blankness and forgotten sake
Re occupy the battle of not feeling fake
Hospitable problems awaken my fears
Sweating painful jogs of tears
The cycle of swimming trepidations
Only drown me in a pool of determination
To pull my chin to the sky
And not say goodbye to the DSD Dreams, Strength, Determination

The devil tries to stir me away from peace, organization and a fulfilled beauty shining from my soul. Always now it is darkness, blackness and fear. I am not anywhere near asking to go to heaven, yet time flies and lies and before u know it its too late. It’s a dangerous temptation to pretend I am good, white heart, green pastures on my side of actions. Looking without the rose speckled glasses there is famine in my smile, deeds of greed, shortage of strength.

I want to write about how god has saved me from so much, given me aid and helped me break through shells and shells of disaster. I want to write about the invisible closeness, the clear kindness he has reassured me with. Yet now I am bored from asking, bored with trying to show him I care.

All I do is tell him to scribble my name out from his love.

It's time to go back to the day I changed, that day is crucial - like an exam I must attend – I must go back to that day when I used to be in love with my faith and not just getting by.

(To be continued.)

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -