Saturday, December 1, 2007

Echoes in my mind - (no axis)

Broken story, pages of tragedy, the chapter ends correctly with tears sung in a melody

Pain is cherished, love perished in the darkness and blackness of her hole of lies, hole of fears spinning into another realm of confusion and new type of hurt. Agonizing pricking truth sends the blood of the night into swirls of a mistaken epiphany; she turns her back to the shattered scene and thinks of the sweetness that evanesced into the chilling air. Her chest expands with the heartbreak - getting harder to keep the magnified loneliness quiet. She stumbles into her frozen reality realizing there is nothing more left to realize. Stripped down to a fake existence, she walks into the pathway of no return. There is no going back and she is lost in the pit of a merciless eternity. Here, she is a speckle of madness as the earth continues to revolve around its own axis sure of its control, but she has no axis; her head spins out of control, lost craze to dreaming, her internal blurring leaves her idly blind. The walkway is too small for her runaway -getaway from her crumbling today; she falls onto the foreign streets of her thoughts, falls on her bamboozled mind and cuts her heart, its veins bleed blue from deoxygenated happiness and she breathes shallow memories to keep her alive.

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -