Friday, December 14, 2007


Take back time and rubble this unleashed hurt
Change my burning mistakes into ashes of dirt
That can be swept into memories and washed away by time
Forget this nuisance of betrayal in my mind
Moments of unreasoned clock ticking
And it burst in my face to show me an hour I have never seen of taunting seconds
With coldness, blindness and extreme supreme – of failure
It ran through my veins like it was a part of me
And I couldn’t dilute it down or antidote its maximum intensity
It kept growing to blind me
Until failure glowed from my eyes and I looked like the masterpiece of its title
I looked unwise covered with a domain of complete immaturity
Crying with tender foolishness, I couldn’t roll back the tears and hide them
They disturbed the normality of my motion and created disaster of creations
They were the probability in the equation of my broken session
I was a helpless monster checked upon by the guards of wiseness to tie down this dirty beast
Unsterilized equipment was the symphony of my irresponsible breath
Too low a filling of peace, over filled horrors of crime
The street lamp faded and the murders of success rolled onto the screen
Tip toed all over – the panoramic high definition LCD monitor of my shambled chance
I tore the chance into ripped P.oorness
I could get nothing more should be getting less
But my eyes deceived me and I considered to lie -
But I was too weak to try
I was too stolen to be found
I was too shocked to steady my ground
I was too rubbish to be perfumised into success
I was too war to be made into peace
I was too mixed up to be shown clearly
And now I’ve lost pieces of me that I’m going to miss deeply

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -