Monday, August 15, 2011

Ramdan 15_ coming home....

Dear God
Thank you for bringing Ramdam into mylife
like the joy of the newborn into the world
I have something to take care of
deeply, everyday
Thank you for bringing me the love i Need
everyday I feel Im getting a little stronger
like I'm Picking up the broken pieces of my heart and putting them back together
like I'm winding back the time I've lost
like I've pulled the rope of hope I've left loose
suddenly life gets smaller and the heavens ge larger
suddenly the sky becomes filled with all sorts of beautifl colours for me to look up to
wonderful glass rythyms of the next life start to ask from me in this life
all the angels I can feel torment me to get better
to become better
all the devils away from me die to see their damage repaired

I feel so sad that I was not cleaner at times
I was not dependant on his grace rather dependant on facts and realistic normality
no This is the beauty of Ramadan..........
Life becomes for the eternal the magic
life becomes an organ to die for the end
life becomes a miracle to create your paradise
draw your epic magnitude of your journey tommorrow in to the stars
fill out the gaps of time andrun into heaven
this is the beauty of Ramdan
Life becomes interesting
becomes magnified for true reasons
the real reason Life is here
Life becomes tamed yet yourdreams start to grow
 the dreams t hat truly create the road to love
the dreams that truly ou have been searching for
Life becomes for the words sentt down for you to read and understand andlive by to die for
Life becomes for the reasonable priced most expensive feelings
feelings of your soul becoming yours again
feelings of your life becoming understood again
feelings of problems given to the probelm solver again
dearGod
I trust you to help me and save me for this is the  month I regain my love in you I regain my faith once more
I neverwnat to lose it
so I am regaining all that is lost for al time to come

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -