Saturday, April 19, 2008

Questions in my mind?



Why did all the greatest Love stories ever told end with heartbreak? Does True true love always have pain? Tristan & Isolde, Henry Tudor and Anne Boleyn, is it always pleasure and pain? Why do I love watching these heartbreaking love stories? make them my favourite?Why are they always in my head? is it better to love, no matter what the consequences are? no matter how bad the ending is going to be? to taste love and feel it? or is it better to not go through all the pain? to stay protected?

There is a last time for everything - Could you ever know that was the last time for something? The last time you did something? The last time you saw someone, someplace - would you remember the last times?

Where is the best place to see the best sunrise, the most beautiful sunset, and to watch a full moon gazing down on you? where in the world is the best place?

When you sleep, does God take your Life momentarily? what happens? does he review what you've done, does he think about putting you back to life, or not, does he rewind your breath? what happens. Truly, when you go to sleep?

Could I ever convince someone of the true meaning and beauty of Islam? could I ever be..influential, inspirational, and make someone want to be Islamic, be in love with Islam? what would I say to conjure up that love in someone? or just, make them begin it and them to conjure it up for themselves, because it is from their own heart?

What does it feel like with rain falling down on you somewhere amongst the deepest nature of Sudan, the most throbbing part with beauty, of hidden mountains and huts, trees and deer, with nothing but the sound of rain, the sound of nature and the sound of your best friend, your lover?

Why does something once so important to you, stop being important? does that mean it wasnt so important in the first place? if you knew you would change your mind about how important it was, would you still have important - ised it in the first place? would you have done your absolute best to keep it important to you? or would you have stopped knowing that things would change? love from being so important to somebody, can become not so great, faith after meaning the only important thing in life can become not so important, loss after being nothing important can become all that there is?

Is there such a thing as a good addiction? all addictions are bad? if you are an addict on something could it ever give you meaning rather than loss? or is everything in balance truly the best? but isnt living your life for soemthing that you are addicted to, passionate about, makes it more adventurous? or does it make it dangerous? but isnt dangerous exciting? should you live your life with safety or danger? should you have an addiction? a good addiction? something that you just cannot live without? or should you never convince yourself of such a thing at all?

Will there ever be a film made that entails love and islam together? i mean 2 lovers who are so in love but they are also islamicly in love? - a love story - a faithful love story, that is a good love story? - one that remembers limits but where you can see that their love for each other has no limits, no boundaires, no stop -yet they must - because Islam is stronger in their hearts more than enything else? - can there ever be a love story made like that?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -