Monday, February 18, 2008

Echoes in my mind_ ( mess)

Word corrode but meanings explode
Dreams express what reality depress
Valentine falls as other days call
Into the rhythms of dry time
Without flowers and candles, just a bitter taste of truthful lime
Yet can it be sweetened to taste any better?
I’m suffocating myself with all those thoughts in my mind
All caving in to break me – force me into a shallow world
Of devoted deepness in believing in one true kiss
I don’t want to be in – the hypnotization of bliss
I want to miss - all those fears that hit me and bruise me
I’m shattered and tired
Fallen on the ground of failure
Needing a stranger - to be me

I am climbing the wrong way
Dreaming the wrong side
Killing the wrong enemy

Polluted dreams
Smother me with crime
Black fantasies color my mistakes
I want to be Cleopatra
The queen the strong the lover
Warrior of my time
No one can take me
Unless I want to be swept away

Write madness
Words of darkness
I have no expenditure
Spending too many lies
Waterfalls of cries

I try and recover what I deleted but I can't find it anywhere
I try and remember where it is but I can't find it
It’s gone - all of it
Dust that the wind took to a far away place
But blowing in a further strangeness
Storms of reality shelter me
I didn’t know I was the enemy
I hate this crazily
Black spine supporting me
Xylophones singing a scale of memories from when I was young in a classroom of broken life
I can't remember what I need
Suspended in the sky of tragedy
Going to eternity, through traffic of shattered dusk
Will you find me
Or am I the definition of a secret
Never to be discovered
Hidden crime groups beating the law in a darkened room as they whisper their plans to each others failure over choking smoke of deception and lies.
Until they start to remember the detail in the silence of their captivity – until I remember the silence that my regret wakes me
In prison of my invisible sleeping promises
I pour up my sadness in a cast smile
That’s deep
Tears I seep
Not knowing how to finish
Lines of despair
Come bring spares for my repair
Take me to a garage of therapy
So I can heal my wounds that keep opening magnificently
Into shadows of desire
Into a stolen attire
I want to retire – from me
And start a new day of calm
Not this raging fire that spires – through me

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -