Friday, February 8, 2008


Love befuddled

Romantic hypnotisation

Strange combination

of loving you... not wanting you... not knowing you... believing in you... dreaming of you... so knowing you... but losing you...

I tell my dreams that one day they will come true - as promises bloom and pain is banished into a prison far away from the paradise of chocolate love -

With fantasies puzzled

I see so many mistakes in my own thoughts knowing they should be reattached and manufactured, recontoured and pampered into thoughts agonised with reality - because reality is the selling newspaper

Guilty imagination

To be with you always ... to know you stand by me... because I stand by you - like this whispered advance into a chance of capturing your heart

If you could know

If I could show

All the hidden mysteries u havnt even discovered - all the soft tales still uncovered - all the magnifications undeveloped all the inspirations unflowered

but they tell me it doesnt happen like that - i know it can never be like that - its been proven nothing works right that way - i have seen that everything goes stop before play -

they know that love needs visits of shaping (visits of creating)

i dont spell out what love means to me

its too out of shape (like me) for me

i cant confine it into the small insanity in my mind

i cant reduce it into an equation i can find ---- understandable

so it remains un do able

the solution for me -

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -