Sunday, February 24, 2008

Natural consequence

The streets sunrise into a new day as the cold beads the morning into a frozen contract, The alarm clock beats the rhythm into my heart until I wake up to the days melody forming in my head – inspiration I drink, change opens in me from within – the city today I overcome as I get past all my own traffic of thought and fight through my crowds of failure – today I will not give up I will not let go –

The waters of my life climb the waves and crash into the corners of my eyes as the soft sand engulfs me and I waver in the rhythm of the merge between nature and my dreams – here, I am far away from my sadness as it has no chance to survive in the beauty of this serenity – no reason to cry and all I hear is faith loving inside of me –

I shiver as the cold rushes and gushes through passing all my pores and help to be me – sending invitations to show me where to be frozen – in my heart and in my determination it says – I breathe the ice dreams that I wished my queen eyes would make true from a spell darkened with lust that could run in the sea and be powerful enough to reach you – but all my desire does is break my tears into a million more – and all my sensation becomes, is numb to the core – of invisibility – blurring the warmth until it fades out of me – leaving nothing but emptiness that I yawn from tiredness –

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -