Saturday, July 18, 2015

Whats going on

Could it be... All your devils are back? So all those nightsand all those prYers just lasted for a day?
Whats going on
Whyare u so proud 
Close ur eyes and imagine what the conversation would go like....
You cant
Because other people will always be other people
And you cannot think for them
Haram what ur doing
Shes older than u kinder than u and u kno what
Wiser than u 
U really are a fool thatis what upset u 
Everything she says annoys u because deep down ur afraid ur being her
Going to the door of the room is exercise
Is t it the same mentality
Too kind
I think deep down ur afraid of becoming her
That frightens u 
Saddens u 
Scares u 
And so u attack
What are ur opinions
But a small dot in the world
Never mind how small they are in her world
And no matter how much u try they  always be small
But the repercussions are huggge
Like ur ...
Its nit all confidence
Break itdow. And like the leg of lamb lyig there for a year you will find at the botttom
Under all those layers all that ice you have inside u 
Is fear

And fear is controlling
Us maddening
Is wild
Is untaming if u let it
And u cannot be both
That woman u imagine
And that girl u are right now

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -