Saturday, October 12, 2013

The design of my life 2

at 00.19 I imagine a home with a wonderful man one who makes me smile and has a perfect way of making me feel better
kissing my hand like he wants to and believing in me and that somewhere deep inside me, there is a woman good , a woman smart and a woman young
I want to design my life around his happiness make him chocolate souffles
and he would tell me all is going to be perfect
when hes not right im not right and when hes not happy theres no way I can be happy
I depend on his rythym to create mine
I hope I can bake all sweet things for him
and let him eat healthily and let him simply be mine
Because I love the way he talks and smiles and laughs and I just love him
grand design of my life I hope I can make a circle bookshelf one day
I think its pretty cool and different
and when im with him im amazingly different
just in another world
and in another timefield
wishing he would never go
wishing he would turn pages with me .....

and never stop

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -