Monday, October 7, 2013

The first time

 I remember the last time oceans away
really this is sudan - never better than other places but always the best for me
I dream and imagine life here and it works
work works it just needs time
this is where patience is a must
and its important to hold on to the queit moments before you lose them
or is it the peace before you never have it again
but I dont want to be lost here? am I lost here
a little bit but nothing that cant be handled
and I'm not the only one
I think that im really scared
this is a hard position to be in
not really knowing what to do
but im trying to help myself and trying to understand
I remember in other areas of my life were I wasunsure of myself
and unwilling to use my time correctly
it was queit , it was easy but because I quit
I passed only and it was so hard
I wont quit this time
no matter how easy that is
ill always take the hard option
ill always try feel the pain so I may one day have a different result
...from last time

the first time where I must take control
do work and not chat
do work and not freeze
do work and not think
do work and do faith
the first time to do work and not sleep
the first time to say to myself
its not the situation that puts me where I am and how i feel, its my intention and personality that puts me where I am and how i feel

I could be at home feeling down
and I could be here feeling successful and energetic

you choose ......

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -