Saturday, October 5, 2013

I have 2.... so sick of myself....

 She asks me what happened to the other 1?
and I instinctively put my monster face on
 I just have 2 cuz I use both ....
and in an eerie silence where all  lie still thinking of my sharp words
I can almost hear them just really know what youre doing dont you?
you know youre not that rich...
im still thinner htan you
youll never be happy..

that last thought was mine
for in the split second of unified echoes
even I knew
maybe that wasnt theright answer
maybe not speaking or just saying..i dontk now nothing would have been better

like the ambulance idea
why does it matter in all existence andhonesty and truth
what I think?

andi n the end his daughter was in Royal Care and he wasnt
dossing at home while his boss was in China
Like I thought and breached into the world

and maybe everyone is right and I am wrong
and maybe I am really a very bad person
and maybe I am the one who needs to sort myself out before using my tongue to sort others out

suddenly i realise
maybe I am like the president
got everything but really has nothing//////

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -