Monday, October 7, 2013

85 days until forever...

and I cant stop thinking about his smile
the way he makes me laugh
im never in denial that hes perfect for me
he reminds me of good men
good faithful men
of the past no longer here
and that the future badly needs

and Im working but changing the formations to write about him
you see hes always on my mind
and I just find, he steals my concentrations
I just have to stop concentrating to concentrate on him
and its really a troublesome situation
that im writing in pink about the beautiful realisation that hes mine forever
and I wonder how exact were my expectations of this dream to come alive?
and I think probably magical and heavenly that such a person would be in my life more than i
expected and deflected on my prayer mat
God gave me better 
like I asked him for a normal phone and he gave me a smart phone
or I asked for silver and he gave me gold
or I asked for happiness and he gave me happiness with completion...

and I know with patience and love, faith and  hope, hope and faith together ,
life is just wonderful, practical yet magical ,

(Ya Rab 
protect us and help us become better 
Ya Rab
I dont deserve your gratitudes and wonders but I am certainly praying that you forgive me and let me be worthwhile for this constructive religion)

with 85 days left to go 
Working properly and enjoying it
trying hard and harder
having patience 
depending on yourself and no one else
believing in better
knowing that you can do anything and everything
trusting yourself
wanting good things for yourself

is  one of the first pieces of healing for the best forever

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -