Friday, October 25, 2013

Echoes in my mind_ (The first time)

The first time something happened was when  I danced amidst my exams 4 hours a day...or more to Dirty Dancing Havana Nights and much more - I did more than i could ever imagine

The first time something happened was when I discovered he woke up at 5.30 am to pray alSubuh on time and then start studying

 I went to the 4 rth floor that day and stared at the beautiful sky just before dawn listening to the near by mosque telling me that life only begins when you're content with yourself =
all because of him

Now.. I know somethings happened when I realised Ive tried everything - I have this one solution left - to stop hearing myself and start hearing the words of kind and sweet faith

Its time to let go of my familiarities a little and start entering a realm ive never stepped into - filled with expensive patterns that mean the galaxies combined

and maybe God - has given me this undreamt and realistically cut opportunity to sharpen my true soul and outline the echoes in my mind to surrender in the fine thin line that is

who I was before the table... of Life

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -