Saturday, October 19, 2013

remembering the key

Changing things around cuz im trying to find the key within me
that one word that the teacher took such a long time ago for a totally different meaning
but she took it from me and clapped around cuz I did something important
and said something that a class now dispersed into infinity went by
why dont you use a key as a symbol? I whispered
no one listened and even the teacher didnt hear me
she kept asking - does anyone have any ideas about what to take for the final ceremony to represent our class on graduation?
What about a key? I said a note higher but still no one heard me
one last time but this time with the loudest voice I had
Why dont you take a key as a representation that we've closed one door and opened another 
everyones minds and thoughts ran with the end of my words and suddenly a smile lingered on their faces and Mrs Jennings pulled up her hands to clap
oh thats wonderful Hope! yes lets do that
yes lets do that - repeated another ...and another
and I sat in my school chair a school student facing the outside world thinking .. that was really cool
a bit of creativity , substance, confidence and above all... trusting my self and I lead the way

where am I now/? where is my key>? where is my voice and confidence to change myself first  then to lead others.. .. 
God I wanna lead myself like the best people ive seen , you know who I mean
but I dont know how to extract their beauty like the most expensive vanilla extract
I just always buy the cheap stuff...

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -