Saturday, October 12, 2013

M & A 15_ you relax me

You relax me. Every smile in your voice, and every laugh in your words, every unknown idea you come up with and each opposite you think of to make me ... a new lady. I am a new lady with you. never knew how to feel sexy before you, don't need a dictionary to tell me how it feels.. to be with you. like lights in the ceiling of a palace, or like a supermarket filled with everything in the world that you want. I think I don't deserve you, definitely not this side of me, but maybe last year when I prayed I would find someone like you when the olympics were on and the Queen was really close to my window. that was the time I deserved you. I have to do my best to conjure up that woman even if I have to go to the dark forest to find a spell to change me. I promised myself I would be the girl for you. you relax me and make me safe. You make me feel proud and I feel whole and complete with you. I trust you to be the kindness and goodness within me and I hope that we hope together forever. 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -