Thursday, October 17, 2013

I... must continue 5, holding eed in my heart

For even though eed is nearly finishing ,from now on there will be eed in my heart
A fascinating joy amidst any darkness
I break my sadness and never hope to be the same again
for change is wonderful, and life is treasureful
and I feel like a treasure is upon me 

they ask what does eed mean to you?
I say it means love of yourself, of family , of country and of health
it means finding the connection of beauty within you and sharing it with the world
this eed means hands coming together to eat and meet and give more than take
it means remembering the less fortunate and making them a part of your own

eed means flowers on a kitchen counter , new cushions , bows in hair, earrings dangling friendship, perfumes misty with finality of design, visiting others, being in love

with everything around you...

eed means praying for something new 

it also means being content with what you have, and trying harder to show God how important faith is to you

eed means rejoining the team of wonderful Islam, and defining your identity with faith
I am muslim, I am Hope, I am in love with God and Faith and want to be the best I can be 

I write to be better, to pronounce my aims, my tries, to fail my cries, to share my dreams and to make them real,
I write because I love it , i love it so and I want to love my life more so than ever before
like how i love a clean new home, or a well done cake, or a smiling family, or a wishing woman at 3 am drinking green tea and thinking that this time 
waht is thought of at night will not be erased in morning

GOd I wanna be free from my hardships and be released into a world ive never tried before
like doing what i want, achieving what ive dreamt, living a dream I worked hard to get, being inside a prayer I begged for, enjoying every last piece of that prayer knowing God gave it to me,
that means
God is listening
better God is watching
even better God is never denying of your wants and needs

Yes, God is with you 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -