Monday, October 21, 2013

Echoes in my mind_ (Dont begin)

Its not a fair game to compare your mistakes with others... for their mistakes are individual,... entertained by their genetics, environments, beliefs, habits, traits, fears, failures, and love... for everyone wants love and protection of it, everyone needs to feel secure and everyone needs to know that love comes to them - sometimes they must go pursue it without consequence and except Allah , we don't have the right to be consumed in their wrong
and everyone does mistakes... the worst .. being not believing in Allah and how he is so kind and good to you - his creation -

its not the way to cheer you up - just because you hear others are full of dirt and falling deeper and deeper in sin - I feel sorry for them - yes - but using their weakness for your added strength is
like a vampire wish
and feeding on the  bloody ways of others is not the way to live a life
for you must be fair to yourself first and to do that you must stop watching others and search for the blackness inside you - to be fair to yourself you must be judgmental on your personal blacknesses
and to be fair you must be wise upon yourself to find the solutions and carry them out - not just hover over others possibilities to save themselves

you must find your own regrets and your own reasons that brought you to who you are today
and not why others got to where they are today
stop looking at the holes in others for one day they may sow themselves but you will still be leaking.....

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -