Saturday, October 19, 2013

a night writer

 I type as others sleep
feeling the cracks on my skin I dont know anymore...
who I am..
pasta...tomato ketchup... a little fetta
he's sad today, its not just about fridays
and I ve made it worse
even though I didnt mean to,,,
sometimes I dont know what hes thinking
but I certainly know what hes not
and hes not thinking I care as much as him
maybe he thinks im wicked
maybe i am
shouldnt have bought that cornflakes...
feeling like a big cornflakes box now but with pasta inside...

i type to remember incidents i nthe day
lately my words are becoming a true journal
something to amaze me cuz i cant amaze myself
wondering where my life is heading, cuz its driving me
 I will always wonder why the girl in the yellow cardigan
left the world , even though I was jealous of her and thought
her yellow was ever so bright - but it turned out she wasnt shining
hard enough - and her sunshine only dug deep

i type to try and smile others but it seems saturns in the way
he frustrates me because i want him to be fine
other wise i wont be - now light is forever broken
and all her youth and life is just... gone
for the sake of one ... silly boy, whos just as lost as she is
im heartbroken at this new appearance of untold mysteries
yet visible to the eye , and black to the core

I type to try find myself, looked at myself through a long mirror today
and couldnt imagine what I saw
mama saying theyve all given up now
soon faithful will give up too
its the usual
pasta... ketchup... a little feta
these days I just cant remember anything


No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -