ive never felt so shallow like this in my whole entire life
never felt to brutal to myself
never considered myself as an enemy
never stabbed myself in the back... falling like the tower that never would fall
I feel...
angrywith who I am
could be better always
should be
never is and is
always probable
never defiinite
always dissapointing never achieving
always a pass never a distinction
and now i upset the nearest to me
and myself above all
never holding a promise
never asking why do I have such a broken heart
...
and yet
I beg Allah for forgiveness for i hear his forgiveness is greate rhtan all my sins combined
and I beg Allah to look after me for I am not looking after myself
and I hold my hands and look to the Sudanese Sky and find freedom and ask Allah to give me some of that
and i beg Allah for his sanctionary of soul in this sanctioned beauty
always I will feel prisoner if I am being like this
tell me is it too late to start again??for I Really feel im walking alone in the battlefield
and letting the devils fight me and win me
and letting my soul be taken like Phalestinian Land
and letting my heart be tormented like Guantanamo prisoners
and letting my mind be forgotten like being in a coma
and letting my body be neglected like the poorest homeless beggar
...
Ya Allah... IM really tired of who Im turning into I want to be ...better and certainly stronger and most certainly more in love with my faith
for ive forgotten you and everything about you and all good wthin me and all meaning inside me
Ya Allah it doesnt make sense im just like a robot ... unprogrammed and senseless
no feelings inside me I walk and travel and have no intentions or strength of a muslim woman no more
Ya Allah please help me change myself for you say you will only help if youre ready to help yourself
I am
ready to help myself
no more interests in anything but myself (in a secure, kind way)
no more wasting time
no more sleeping while people pray
no more unhoping
no more feeling like You are not with me
You are
my God you are
..........
never felt to brutal to myself
never considered myself as an enemy
never stabbed myself in the back... falling like the tower that never would fall
I feel...
angrywith who I am
could be better always
should be
never is and is
always probable
never defiinite
always dissapointing never achieving
always a pass never a distinction
and now i upset the nearest to me
and myself above all
never holding a promise
never asking why do I have such a broken heart
...
and yet
I beg Allah for forgiveness for i hear his forgiveness is greate rhtan all my sins combined
and I beg Allah to look after me for I am not looking after myself
and I hold my hands and look to the Sudanese Sky and find freedom and ask Allah to give me some of that
and i beg Allah for his sanctionary of soul in this sanctioned beauty
always I will feel prisoner if I am being like this
tell me is it too late to start again??for I Really feel im walking alone in the battlefield
and letting the devils fight me and win me
and letting my soul be taken like Phalestinian Land
and letting my heart be tormented like Guantanamo prisoners
and letting my mind be forgotten like being in a coma
and letting my body be neglected like the poorest homeless beggar
...
Ya Allah... IM really tired of who Im turning into I want to be ...better and certainly stronger and most certainly more in love with my faith
for ive forgotten you and everything about you and all good wthin me and all meaning inside me
Ya Allah it doesnt make sense im just like a robot ... unprogrammed and senseless
no feelings inside me I walk and travel and have no intentions or strength of a muslim woman no more
Ya Allah please help me change myself for you say you will only help if youre ready to help yourself
I am
ready to help myself
no more interests in anything but myself (in a secure, kind way)
no more wasting time
no more sleeping while people pray
no more unhoping
no more feeling like You are not with me
You are
my God you are
..........
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