Thursday, October 17, 2013

Not like this 2

Green tea to move the soul
I watch the channel and say a silent prayer
feeling that im powerless without God
I refuse to be held responsible for failing
and ive failed many times before
that cannot be the end
I drink to change
to be free
to cleanse
and I must cleanse everything my own

my eyes
my tongue
my soul
my love
my reality
my thoughts
my deep thoughts
my intentions
my words
my values
yes my values
my time
my promises
my prayers
my desires
my descriptions
my patience
my health
my courage
my needs
I must cleanse who I am and what I mean to me
from the inner most internal crevice to the most hidden outer curve
I must resculpt recolour

a woman
who is a true treasure


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -