Sunday, September 2, 2012

White BMW's

A line of them for a special day
they come my way
big and small but all white
and I fight my entrance into a dream  free and extended with love
as I only wish for good grandeur
so maybe it will just be a dream heart dream. for it can never be right as it is filled with expensive material and fuming jealousy, although all I really want is to see him love me , and to see him want me and to have him hold my hand as I enter our lives together and I want to surround myself in white for him,  with white BMW's that match a white dress - a romantic petrol of images burns inside me
and white roses that scent of fragranced future
with white stars that smile and white cake that tastes impossibly perfect
white love, pure of heart and stronger than the strongest metal
to beat anybody's wrong - our love will be
White BMW's have come and gone and left me with the rupture of a dream
like a speeding extravaganza and a rapid surge of fantasy , like wrong medicine, like an allergy to the future - i scratch to forget now
for it is not the time or the place for beautiful allergies
It is not the time or the moment for white sirens to attack my heart
White papers against the devils work
 I want them to remain white and never be stained by failures or regret 
Indeed I have 2 days to regret again ..........fajr misproportions
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -