Tuesday, September 18, 2012

A dream is coming

Only this one is wrapped differently with all my dreams on its cover - given to me in the kindest and sweetest box
it fits into my heart
my dreams
my strengths
my ability to achieve something greater and not just great

but the distinction is my reaction
my working for it , my accepting if I dont get it
I learnt the hard way , the last day
it is not the failure of not achieving or not getting something that hurts
it is the failure of having not tried that is painful
God is so merciful
he has provided me with a close second try
A Distinction that this time I aim to get
because I will work hard
today , tomorrow, the next day
and then whatever happens thursday
whatever happens
........I will be the amazing Hope that  I know will never falter or give up her faith

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -