Sunday, September 2, 2012

A devils plan

they attack in different ways
like when you think your prepared or when you think its ok to let your guard down
they attack the easy things first like time waste or ego
and then they make you feel proud of your existence enough to make you forget your weaknesses
and then bam they target your pain your desires your wants they get to your emotions and wishes and they access your goodness and steal it all, you start to feel hypnotised , lost, and unbelievably tormented with something that you want that you can just see and you want to put your hand out and reach for it
they make you think they can give it you , they trick you essentially , they want you to try, tehy bend on their knees for you, they touch the world for you and offer all it is you want, that you could ever need, they make you feel, everything you ever wished you could feel, they make you see, all it is you want to see, its always perfect, it's always the right light the right time the right way, the right things, the right music, they interfere with you senses, paralyse your ability to control, they play the game until you lose, they want you to lose, you have to lose, its only a matter of time ,,,,,for them. they have all the time to spend, they have all the tools to try , they have all the new ideas and modern abilities to govern .....You what are you going to do? let them?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -