Monday, September 10, 2012

THe Distinction 6

I come in like a funeral
my God look at this volcano of exploded dreams!
lava set all around the once cool breezes of love
I come in and see the shoes I should have worn
lying functionless excpet to weep like me at their lost purple and grey belt
they are still bored and angry at me
I come in and itch from the mess
like an old ugly man
like a young sick girl
I ask myself
what would you do if you became sick?
I answer  Iwould forget all these troubles they would be simple and I Would worry about life and death
about healh and time
about how much time
I would no longer worry about a distinction or not
i would no longer be so mad at myself and the world
I would beg my body to forgive me
I would beg God to forgive me
I Would be lost in gaining the future and I would forget the past
yes I would
so why not try now?
God does not like you complaining to any1 but him
and you know it is an insult otherwise
so I suggest you turn this terrible drama around
and make it have a happy ending
 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -