Sunday, September 23, 2012

THe first letters of white

the first time I write from  here , here
I feel promoted yet i dont know where zurich is
I feel ashamed
and yet I feel proud
I feel so weak
and yet I feel strong
I feel I dont deserve
and yet i feel I do
I feel honest but i feel like ive decieved
I feel like im in just the wrong place
I want to do so much more in my life
I want to feel better
I want to stay determined
I want to live young everyday fresh with a meaning
when I go, If i go
i want to look at myself in the mirror and say ive tried
for I know its trying that is the most important
I also want to stick to a dream
amazing how when God puts me on the path to this dream that ive been dying for
I forget it
devil get out
im smarter than you
Ramadan is not far
aims have not deteriorated
not they are here
I can still scent them
their fire
their passion
their lust
everything i desire
is waiting for me
i dont want this and this and this
i just want that
to be an emotional girl with feelings like waves and a heart that beats miraculously and true
for the one above and other

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -