Sunday, September 16, 2012

secret charm

I smell of secret charm and african plaits surround me
I have water clean and sound in front of me and ive finally ironed some ofthe terrible creases that consumed my life, appearance
I feel tired but i feel so clean and healthy
I feel not lonely and i know I am never alone
and i feel proud that i did something no matter how small was probably the hardest thing in my life
but its payed off because im hapy and simple and able to smile
god i would have been a wreck
a shipwreck
an earthquake
a tsunami
a lifeless misery
but after harship comes ease and i am at ease
for i have survived
and this year i will change te whole of me
i am determined to try
if i try the nothing will torment me

Ya RAB help me not lose
time money
a chance
a good chance
i know ive learned my lesson
for the first time i was only a jealous witch
i was a fake crowd shouting and screaming in my head
and non of it worked
until now
nowits working  htis calm
this tranquility
liek the waters of rainforest s and waterfalls that run within me
now its working the sweet smell of trying something good
for angels only visit clean houses
Ya Rab as mch as i want to go
I am not ready please
help me stay
please ya rab
so theni can go ready clean and like someeone close said
they will all say wow
ya RAb help me
ya Rab

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -